TITLE: FORGETTING
AUTHOR: melissa
SERIES: DS9/TOS
PAIRING/RATINGS: Spock/Garak, Rated NC-17
ARCHIVING: Exclusive to the Spock Fuck Fest project until its release date when it will appear on the Spock Fuh-Q Fest site and ASCEM http://www.karasi.com/fuh-q-fest/
DISCLAIMER: Paramount owns the entire Star Trek universe. I'm just borrowing it and I'll put it back later.
CONTACT: meister@sprint.ca
WEBSITE: http://sites.netscape.net/melfromhellcan/littlemusings
SUMMARY: Spock helps Garak beat his depression.
THANKS: Very special thanks to Kaki for finding some grammatical errors, as well as to all the folks who took a peek on the Spock Fuck Fest list. A very, very special thanks to kira-nerys who created this challenge and proved to me that I had some Spock slash in me after all. :>)

Forgetting
by Melissa

Garak sat at a small table, tucked away into a corner where he could easily observe the festivities without needing to join in. He didn't feel like celebrating, and the odd ripples of laughter that periodically broke out in Vic's Place made him shudder involuntarily. Eight hundred million people were dead. Cardassia's leader was killed the moment he was at his strongest. All of her major cities were now mere ruins, stained with the
blood of their citizens.

As if adding a further insult to this realization of his world's demise, Garak saw Julian and Ezri kiss with no small amount of passion at the bar. Ezri giggled something into Julian's ear, and the Doctor blushed and laughed back.

Garak brought his drink up to his lips, forcing his hand to remain steady. It wouldn't do to start bawling like an imbecile in the midst of this oh so happy party.

What was left to celebrate for him, anymore? Not only was his planet ravaged, the object of his long affections was now parading his newfound love for another right in front of his face. The pain of all the destruction in his life had finally culminated into the death of Garak's heart. He shook his head as he watched the ripples in his drink as a solitary tear escaped onto its surface. Stupid, sentimental fool...

'I can't stay here,' he thought, 'surrounded by life, by all the things I'll never participate in. The dead don't have any place at a party.'

"Excuse me," he heard a clipped, deep voice say to him, "are you Mr. Garak?"

A tall, slim shadow crept into his gloomy crevice in the corner and Garak looked up to see a tall, impressive Vulcan peering down at him. He returned his gaze to his drink with impatience. Just what he needed, another heartless creature wasting his time.

"I believe that's what they call me here, amongst other, less affectionate things," Garak replied. "Actually, just Garak will do, plain and simple Garak."

"Very well, 'Garak'," he replied, "I am Ambassador Spock." He held out his hand to shake Garak's. "It is a pleasure to finally meet you."

Non-commitedly, Garak returned the handshake, and was surprised by the fierceness of the Vulcan's grip. "Oh, so you've heard of me? I wouldn't go so far as to trust rumors, Ambassador, since so many of the things said about me are in fact fabrications. Some of which I have created myself."

Spock raised an eyebrow, "Then I am to assume that the information that you are partially responsible for Cardassia's rebellion against the Dominion is false?"

"No," Garak responded, lifting his drink to his lips, "that particular rumor is unfortunately very true."

Ambassador Spock considered this. "Yes, I imagine that you find the entire outcome of the war particularly bittersweet." He gestured to the chair across from Garak, "May I join you?"

"If you wish," Garak replied, rather bored, "but be warned, I feel I may be prone to the occasional hysterical outburst as the evening wears on." He lifted his glass to Spock, draining its contents with a large gasp, "I'm planning on going home and getting very emotional with several bottles of Kanar."

Spock returned the retort with a nod of his head, and Garak could swear he looked bemused, "I imagine, given the circumstances, that would be a logical recourse for you."

"I am rather surprised that you would be so understanding," Garak said, giving Spock a new appraisal, "given the rather, rigid, view Vulcan has of imbibing too much alcohol."

"In some instances, it is necessary to dull one's inner pain, " Spock explained, "as long as that suppression does not create new problems." He stared intently at Garak, "Although, I suspect that drinking vast quantities of Kanar alone in your quarters would no doubt lead to something more tragic than a mere hangover. Given your admitted, hysterical, state."

"The only tragedy," Garak said to him with an ironic laugh, "is that of all people I should be the one to survive." He ran his index finger along the rim of his glass, "I, who nearly sacrificed his life so many times in the name of Cardassia, who was more than willing to do the Federation's dirty work for them to free my people from the yoke of the Dominion, regardless of the fact that so many of my fellow Cardassians died in the process. I
did it all for the benefit of my people."

Garak stole a longing glance in the direction of Julian and Ezri's table. "I did many, many foolish things for love, Ambassador." Garak poured himself another tall glass, "Perhaps you Vulcans have the right idea, after all, " Garak said sadly, mostly to himself. "Right now the banishment of emotions has a certain appeal."

"I would not say that to be entirely true," Spock said reflectively, "a Vulcan's emotions are not banished, Garak but are controlled. There is a difference."

"I'm sure you think so," Garak said, hotly, remembering another argument, "but from what I've seen this--detachment as it were--to the conflict has only created an even worse scenario."

"From your perspective, yes, " Spock agreed, "from another's the outcome is a victory."

"I find your analysis particularly repugnant, "Garak spat, "a heartless, soulless Vulcan who has no concept of suffering, of loss..."

"Oh no, Garak, " Spock interjected, "in that I must insist you are wrong." He raised a long eyebrow, "You may not understand my reactions, but never believe that I have not known the pain of loss."

Garak stared back into his drink, unconvinced. He shook his head and sighed, "I am sorry, Ambassador," Garak replied, "I am in the most ill humor."

He could feel his eyes tear up again, and the sound of Ezri and Julian giggling once again at the bar was enough to elicit a swallowed sob. He stared at the table, of all people to fall apart in front of he had to pick the legendary Spock.

A gentle rustling interrupted his depressed reverie, and a strong hand with long, slender fingers grasped Garak's arm. Garak looked up at his companion in surprise and stared with confusion into Spock's eyes. Strange, he thought, that mixture of cold blue and frozen fire...

"I understand some of the pain you are going through. There was...someone...once for me as well."

So, Garak mused with no small amount of triumph, the rumors are true.

"And I too have been suffering a great deal of loss," The Vulcan relaxed his grip on Garak's arm, but didn't take his hand away.

"What do you suggest I do to help alleviate it?" Garak asked him, guardedly.

Spock took his hand off of Garak's arm and steepled them before him. "Since you don't have any sort real friendship or companionship offered to you at thisvery painful time, I believe there are resources to remedying the situation. Drinking yourself into a stupor is perhaps not the wisest of choices given your current emotional state. In fact I will go so far as to say it is illogical. Your depression will only deepen, and therefore lead to thoughts of a suicidal nature."

"A rather astute observation of my emotional state from a Vulcan," Garak said, impressed. He raised his glass in a toast to Spock, "I commend you, my friend."

"It is the logical course," Spock insisted, "however, there is another remedy to at least take this depressed edge off of your state of mind."

"And what would that be?" Garak asked Spock, bemused. He took a long gulp of his Kanar.

"What you need, " Spock said in complete confidence, "is a good fuck."

Garak choked on his drink and it sputtered out of his mouth. He wiped droplets of Kanar off of his chin as he stared back at Spock, not believing what he had just heard.

"Did you just say..."

"I did serve under a rather colorful Captain," Spock reminded him, "and some of his diction has rubbed off on me."

"Yes," Garak replied, still stunned.

"I find our conversation intellectually stimulating, " Spock admitted. "Perhaps we can continue this line of thought in your quarters?"

"You, wish to come to my quarters?" Garak repeated, making sure he actually
heard the request right.

"Yes, shall we?" Spock rose from his seat, inviting Garak to take him home.

Not exactly sure why, Garak could feel his heart suddenly pounding frantically in his chest.

"Very well," he replied, in a voice much too weak to be his own.

***

Garak opened the door to his quarters allowing the two of them in, and absently gestured to a very uncomfortable looking couch.

"Ambassador, please don't mind the mess. I haven't exactly had time this last little while to prepare for company," Garak said as he turned around, flashing Spock a wide smile.

Spock looked down on Garak, pensively, and Garak waited for his new friend's carefully thought out response. But to Garak's utter surprise, Spock wasn't in the mood for talking. He grabbed Garak by the neck, the sensation of strong fingers digging into the sensitive flesh sent a quick spasm of pleasure throughout Garak's body.

"Ambassador?"

"My name," the Vulcan said, with just the barest hint of irritation, "is Spock."

His face descended to Garak's, and now feeling fully panicked Garak felt the need to spoil the moment with conversation.

"I believe I'm not familiar with this particular Vulcan ritual," Garak said to him.

"I don't understand," Spock replied, "you seemed to be very interested."

"I was?"

"Arguing," Spock explained, "is that not the way that Cardassians flirt with one another?"

"Ah, so you believe I was flirting with you," Garak said.

Spock began to release him from the tantalizing grip, clearly believing he had misunderstood.

"Of course I was," Garak lied, "what person in their right mind wouldn't be able to resist flirting a little with you? After all I've heard..."

"There are a great many exaggerations," Spock replied, "Jim himself was particularly fond of spinning a 'tall tale' or two."

He began caressing the ridges on Garak's neck and the Cardassian fought to keep his sense of composure through the waves of pleasure coursing through his body at the intimate touch.

"I'm sure he did," Garak replied, doing his best and failing to keep the breathlessness from his voice.

"Do you wish me to proceed?" Spock asked bluntly, and Garak closed his eyes and nodded, yes.

Spock's hands continued their gentle caresses on Garak's neck, pulling him closer to Spock's warm, long body. Garak, his eyes still closed, waited in anticipation for the brush of the Vulcan's lips against his own. But Spock didn't descend into a kiss, instead his delicious hands moved forward to Garak's throat, caressing the smooth, soft scales with a splayed hand. The Vulcan's long, massaging fingers slowly worked their way down Garak's throat to the center of his neck, teasing the inner circle of the oval ridge with a circling index finger. Garak let out a small moan.

"I'm sorry," Garak said, in a hopelessly impassioned voice.

"It is a natural response," Spock said to him.

His hands moved to the top of Garak's tunic and began undoing its fastenings slowly, taking his time to move his hands over each minuscule exposure of Garak's flesh. The Cardassian could feel his body begin to tremble at this delightful onslaught of pleasure, and he grasped Spock's arms lest his knees give out on him.

"Perhaps you should lie down, " Spock suggested, and Garak complied, allowing the Vulcan to ease him onto his back on the couch. His tunic was now completely open and Spock was massaging his chest in long, bruising strokes. He touched a particularly sensitive ridge just above his hip, and Garak bit his lip to stop from crying out.

Since his hands could now roam fully over his partner, Garak began unfasteningSpock's Ambassador's uniform, taking care to tease the Vulcan's exposed nipples with the pads of his thumbs. If this elicited pleasure, Spock was hiding the sensation well.

"I would like to know, " Garak said to him, opening his eyes in half lidded lust, "how does one go about pleasing a Vulcan?" A flicker of uncertainty shadowed his ardor, "Perhaps I am not very pleasing to you, and you are only trying to be kind."

"Illogical, " the Vulcan replied flatly, moving Garak's hand down to the evidence, "since I am so obviously aroused by your physical presence."

"Yes, " Garak replied quickly, a little alarmed at the size of his partner's sex. "Only, I am a little confused by this rather, I admit, delightful interest. I thought Vulcan's only mated every seven years--during Pon Farr."

"That may be true of some Vulcans," Spock explained as he eased Garak's pants off, "but, as you may know, I am half human. And that fact does seem to have some influence on my sexuality."

"Ah," Garak replied in understanding, then, as Spock began to caress the outline of his sex's encasement, "Ahhhhh."

"I never knew that Cardassians had such fascinating sex organs," Spock replied, in clinical interest. "Your penis has not yet responded to my ministrations, it is still remaining hidden within its crevice. Am I not giving you the proper pleasure?"

Garak could only reply with a shuddering moan.

"Perhaps I should proceed onto the next stage of this encounter," Spock mused aloud, taking the opportunity to beginning shedding his clothes. Garak, who was now naked himself, watched him intently, his breath coming in quick, panting gasps. His eyes opened wide at the mouth-watering sight of the naked Vulcan, and his heavily muscled shoulders and back.

No, this was no mere boy, to be sure, this was a man, and oh, Garak noted whilst staring at Spock's hugely exposed arousal, what a man!

Spock lay on top of him, his warm erection connecting with that sensitive pleasure point on Garak's hip, and the Cardassian arched his back at the sensation. In a sudden, burning need, Garak grasped Spock's face and pulled it close to his own, penetrating the Vulcan's mouth with a tasting, searching kiss. He ignored the needs of his body, his need to breath, the only thing of importance to Garak at this moment was the texture and taste of Spock in his mouth. A taste of an alien spice, like licorice perhaps, and a yielding delicious softness. With a small struggle, the Vulcan pulled away from Garak's hungry mouth.

"I see," he said to him, the barest shadow of a smile on his face,"this is what you required to allow your sex to be freed."

"It is instinctive," Garak replied, half choking on his suppressed gasps of ardor as his sex left its encasement.

"It seems to be giving off a considerable amount of lubrication," Spock noted, " a useful reaction." He placed his hand between Garak's legs, smoothing the viscous liquid over Garak's opening, making sure to insert a heavily slicked finger inside of the Cardassian. Garak placed a trembling hand on his own face, and moaned deeply into it, his body reacting in shuddering spasms to Spock's intimate touch.

"There is no need to suppress your cries of pleasure on my account," Spock said, "feel free to do what comes naturally to you."

Garak kissed Spock once again, this time a little more tenderly.

"Why are you doing this for me?" He asked.

"I may not show pain, Garak, " Spock said to him, "but I do understand it. And I recognized it in you." Spock stared intently into Garak's panting face. "You have lost someone," he said simply.

An ironic laugh burst from Garak's mouth, and the room was filled with his bitter joy.

"Oh, no my dear, it was much worse than that, " Garak explained, "I never had him to lose him."

"I see. So, you've been pining for this individual who has not returned your affections," Spock said, raising an eyebrow, "a most illogical pursuit."

Garak openly guffawed at this, "Oh, and I suppose you believe that _this_ is a logical place for a Vulcan to be? On top of an Cardassian ex-spy," Garak's voice descended into a lusty decibel, "ready to fuck me."

"It was a natural course of events," Spock asserted, "and yes, I'm going to fuck you."

With one swift movement, the Vulcan impaled Garak's yielding flesh with his own.

Garak couldn't stop the scream that fell from his lips as Spock moved inside of him, giving him a pleasure he hadn't felt in nearly a decade.

"Is..this..a ..source...of...pleasure...for...you?" Spock grunted.

Garak screamed anew, his own seed slickening their bodies. He grabbed Spock by the shoulder and bit him, fiercely, drawing the green of the Vulcan's blood. Spock never flinched, only pounded into Garak in a steady rhythm, shuddering once and then withdrawing.

"I'm afraid I didn't get your answer," Spock said to Garak, but the Cardassian was unresponding. Garak's breath was coming in short, ragged gasps. And then, to Spock's surprise, the Cardassian began openly weeping, his sorrow pouring out of his soul with the same intensity as a mind meld. In a rare, fleeting moment of what was Spock's passion, Spock stroked Garak's hair, and tenderly kissed a damp eyeridge.

"There is so much that is human in you," Garak said to him, shaking his head.

"I am aware of my tendencies," Spock said, curtly.

"That wasn't meant as an insult," Garak said, earnestly, " I only mean..."

Spock held up his hand to stop Garak's speech. "It is time for me to leave."

"You don't wish to spend the night?" Garak asked, disappointed.

Spock shrugged, "Do you still have a need for my company?"

Familiar tears found their way into Garak's heart once again at this sudden coldness.

"Yes," he said, "yes I do."

***

Dr. Julian Bashir hesitated at the entrance to Garak's quarters. He'd been meaning to talk to Garak last night, but the party, (and Ezri, he thought wryly) had kept him too busy to approach his old friend. Granted the party wasn't all grand, he hadn't had a chance to meet the legendary Spock, a man he'd been looking forward to meeting for most of his life. He wondered what tidbits of information the Vulcan would have let slip about his time with
Captain Kirk, and maybe, just maybe, he could find out if the rumors were true. Unfortunately, as the evening wore on he only caught a couple of glimpses of Garak and Spock seated at a table together.

"Now there's a conversation I would have liked to hear," he said to Garak's door. He couldn't help but feel a certain stab of guilt over how he had brushed Garak off the night before, not to mention how he'd let the war severely damage their friendship. Now was a time for rebuilding, and surely Garak was going to need all the help he could get to piece together his fragmented life.

He pressed the chime, but it didn't seem to be working. O'Brien had been running competency tests all morning and no doubt this was one of the annoying results.

"Bashir to computer," he said, "over-ride security, Garak's quarters. Medical emergency one." Being a doctor often comes in handy, Bashir mused.

He walked into Garak's suite and nearly fainted with glee at the sight of Ambassador Spock.

"Ambassador!" Julian said, breathless, reaching out to the Vulcan with an outstretched hand. "You have no idea, the honor it is to actually meet you!" He grabbed Spock's hand and pumped wildly.

"Yes," Spock replied, wondering who this eager young man was,"however there is a great amount of exaggeration."

"I want to hear all of it," Julian replied, grabbing a chair to the side of Spock and staring at him earnestly.

Spock sighed, resignedly, "What do you want to know?"

"What was he like? Kirk, I mean. Was he as brash and impulsive as they say he was?"

"No," Spock replied, "he was much worse.

Suddenly, from the bedroom, Garak glided up to Spock, completely heedless of Julian sitting in a corner on a chair. He was wearing dark, navy velvet robe that was clasped together high on the waist with two silver buckles. It was clear that it was all he was wearing. In a sudden, impulsive movement, Garak sat on Spock's lap and straddled his thighs, his face laughing around excitement and lust.

"What, I don't get a repeat performance?" Garak said to Spock, teasing his tongue along the point of the Vulcan's ear. Garak reached for the silver clasps and undid them, letting the robe fall around him as he was exposed, naked, on Spock's lap. Leaning onto the Vulcan's chest, Garak pursued a long, searching kiss on Spock's lips.

Spock turned his head towards Julian, "I'm sorry, what did you say your name was?"

"I..I.."Julian stammered, but an incensed and suddenly modest Garak answered for him.

"Doctor Bashir!" He shouted as he scrambled to reassemble his velvet robe, "What are you doing here?"

"I just thought I'd, I just..." Julian swallowed his embarrassment, "I wanted to see how you were doing, and obviously you're doing just fine."Julian took a deep breath, "And I have inoculations...I thought they were for you so I figured I would be the one..." Julian stopped himself from continuing, too embarrassed to even ramble.

"Oh," Garak said, getting off of Spock's lap, "that's very kind of you."

"Well, I guess I won't be keeping you," Julian said, his embarrassment still very evident in the redness of his cheeks,"I, uh, how about lunch later then, Garak?"

"I'm afraid Ambassador Spock and I will be heading back to Cardassia," Garak explained.

Julian nodded, and then looked at Spock, confused. "You're going to Cardassia?"

"Vulcan has decided to place an embassy there," Spock explained. "I have volunteered my services."

'You aren't the only one,' Julian mused.

"Well, I just might see you again then. Garak, I'll see you later. I'll be heading out to Cardassia in about a week."

"I look forward to your visit doctor," Garak said, to Julian's departing form.

He watched the door for long moment, turning towards Spock when he felt the Vulcan's long, skillful fingers caress his thigh through the velvet fabric.

"I believe this material has a weave of Androvian silk," Spock said.

"Yes," Garak replied, "it does."

"I believe the Androvians only wear this fabric on their wedding night," Spock said.

"Really?" Garak said, "I never knew that."

"Just as you 'never knew' that Dr. Bashir was coming here this morning, even after I told you that he was coming here to administer some vaccinations?"

"He seemed surprised enough to see you," Garak said.

"He was not aware that I was the one requiring a vaccination."

"Hmm," Garak said coquettishly, playing with Spock's hair, "I must have forgotten."

"Quite a feat for a Cardassian," Spock replied, "considering your people are known for their photographic memories." Spock allowed his hand to travel along the front opening of the robe, parting it briefly to catch glimpses of Garak's ornate flesh.

"I'm known for a lot of things," Garak replied, "including how to forget. Should that suit me."



END