LESSONS
by kira-nerys
K/S G- NC17

Author: kira-nerys
Title: Lessons
Codes: K/S
Rating: G - NC-17
Summary: A very angsty series of Vignettes dealing with what happened in The Motion Picture. Gol, the Kohlinar, V'Ger and Kirk's and Spock's relationship.
Feedback: kardasi@kardasi.com
Disclaimer: Kirk, Spock, McCoy, the Enterprise, Star Trek et al belong to Paramount. No infringement to their copyright is intended. I'm not making money on this.

Lessons 16
Coming Together

K/S, NC-17
by kira-nerys

Kirk

This was not the way I had pictured it.
I hadn't intended to let the desire consume me like this
But I don't have any strength left to fight.

His hot lips against mine.
The slick alienness of his kisses.
His agile tongue warring with mine.
Deep, soulshattering kisses.
How I missed them.

Were they ever like this - before?
I doubt it.
It's a fire that devours my soul.
I want to be part of him. 

"Spock, good God, Spock, I want you."

The words are torn from my throat.
Painful need drowns me.

He doesn't reply in words.
All I can do is allow his stronger than human hands to tear away my clothing.
Even as I desperately try to divest him of his.
Our patience is all but gone.

In the back of my mind I wonder where Bones is.
But the thought is gone as soon as it emerges.
It doesn't matter.
Nothing else matters anymore.
Spock is there with me.
My other half.
I am about to become whole again.

His muscular legs spread and I lie between them.
Our groins come together and a gasp escapes him.
The gasp ignites me.
Like putting a match to gasoline.

I swallow hard and bury my face at his chest.
Pausing, I'm trying to regain some measure of control.
It's so good.
Nothing was ever this good. 

I'm home.
I move against him again.
Unable to lie still, craving the closeness.
Craving his touch.
I'm causing us both to moan.

Our eyes meet.
Oh yes, I am home.
This is where my heart is.
Where it will always stay.
I'm sure of that now.

I feel my throat clench.
Tears spill over my cheeks
I pay them no heed.

"Spock," I sob.
"Jim," he replies.
His arms come around me, pulling me closer.
Encircled by his warmth, I feel safe again.
I lean forward and lick away the moisture from the corner of his eye.
It is bitter.
Just like the pain that's tormented us for so long.
"Spock, I'm so sorry."

I move, not allowing him to respond.
His legs spread wider, tangling with my own.
How I've longed for this feeling.
Being securely held in his embrace.
As close as two people can be.

Almost.

I move again.
I want to be closer.
He moans.
He sobs.
He's so hard.

"Jim, please."

His head is thrown back and I pull my mouth off his.
Burying my face in the crook of his neck.
Inhaling his scent, deeply.
I want to fill my lungs with the warm fragrance of dry Vulcan.
His hands grab at my buttocks.
He moves, desperately against me. 

"Jim, please," he repeats the plea again.

I know what he wants and I want it too.
I want to be inside him.
I want him to be inside me.
If we don't merge soon I think I'll die.

This is sickbay
There should be something...
I grab a tube.
Handlotion
It'll have to do.

The desperation is driving me crazy.
I rip my pants open.
I'm so hard.
I rub myself and moan when I see the blackness of his eyes.
He watches me, greedily.
He needs me.
Body and mind.
Never has the passion been so evident in his eyes before.

"Jim."

The word is pleading and demanding as I lean over him again.
His hands grab at me, hard.
He's causing bruises at my sides, I'm sure.
I don't care.

"Easy, Spock. I refuse to hurt you."

Not again.
Never again.
For as long as I live I pledge to never hurt him again.

I push inside him.
Slowly.
Clenching my teeth.
Good God.
I'm going to come.

"Bite me, Spock!"

He looks at me and understands.
The teeth at my neck are vicious.
As if he needed that as much as I did.
I deserve it.
It's my fault.
The pain of the last years.
It's all my fault.

The pain rushes through me.
It diminishes the bliss of being inside him.
Enough to pull me back from the precipice.

"Spock," I whisper. "I love you."
"Jim, t'hy'la. I've missed you."

He's sobbing now.
I'm moving inside him, pulling almost all the way out.
I push back in.
The sobs become almost violent.
They pain me.
How much he needs this.
How much I need this.

Slick, sliding,
Warm.
Good God, he's hot.
Tight.
Such pleasure.
It consumes me.
I try to hold back.

He pulls me back in.
Thrusts back at me.
Greedy for my love.
Greedy for my touch.

His lips press back on me.
My shoulder is bathed by his wet tongue.
There's pain at the bite as he licks away the blood.
It stings, but it feels good.
It is my absolution.

Good god, Spock.
What did I do to deserve this?
Having you back with me is heaven.

I am yours.
Forever.

~ End

LESSONS 17
Only You

K/S, R
by kira-nerys

Spock

Is it possible to suffer from emotional overload?
And if that is indeed the case.
Would I be capable of experiencing it?
Logic tells me it could not be so.
I am Vulcan.

But it is possible
I am experiencing it.
What else could it be?

It has never been like this.
My chest is filled with feelings I can no longer contain.
Is it possible that my body is so filled with emotion,
It has to find an outlet somewhere?

The wracking sob, forcing it's way out of my chest when his mouth finally touches mine.
Is relief.
I plunge inside his cool mouth, craving its moistness.
I know that my grip around his hips is too hard.
I cannot stop myself.

It is not the pon farr, but equally consuming.
It is love.
My human half is surfacing with a vengeance.
I suppressed it for too long.

I know that the doctor is there, in the shadows.
He's looking on.
The knowledge seems to have lost its meaning.
I do not care.

The tears that spill over my cheeks as I feel Jim settling against me.
Is relief.
His tongue tasting them tells me he shares my pain.
I can feel the wetness on his cheek mingling with my own tears.

The need...
Oh, the need...

Is it possible he has suffered also?
Is it maybe so, that he was frightened?
Did the fear cause him to drive me away?

Oh I cannot think.

The raw desire inside is too great.
I want him inside me.
I want to be inside him.
I want to bond with him.

The sobs forcing their way out of my chest now.
Is not relief.
It is pain.
I will have him.
But not the way I truly need.

He will not be my mate.
But I will have him.
All that he can give.
It will have to suffice.

My fingers bury themselves into his flesh.
My legs spread wider to allow him in.
He pulls away.
Such a loss
I need him.

"Jim"

He will not hurt me again, he says.
Does he not know what agony it is when he leaves me thus?
I grasp at him, and pull him back atop me.

The kisses are fierce, needy, greedy.
It is not enough.

The desire to have him within me is a hunger.
A famine.
I am starved for his love, flesh and mind.
I am cold and barren without him.
Only a machine.
No longer living
Only functioning.

Only with him do I live
Only with him do I love
Only with him....

Only you - my other half.

He is finally entering me.
Slowly, and without pain.
What bliss not to feel pain
For just a moment.

I no longer feel broken.
The path to healing our wounds has begun.

I see the rapture in his face and I understand.
He begs me to sink my teeth into his flesh.
I oblige.
I bite harder than what is necessary.
Some part of myself wanting to punish him.
For what we have been forced to go through.

I have never known him to succumb to fear in the past.
A lingering resentment is there.
Why now?
Why?

When I taste his blood, the pain goes away.
The love for him takes over and the hurt disappears.
The resentment is gone.

Finding him not perfect.
Makes me love him even more.

"Spock, I love you."
"Jim, t'hy'la, I missed you"

I never cried before, not like this.
Not even when I thought I had killed him.
But the feelings inside me need to come out.
Somehow.

I buried them for too long.

But no more.
No more.
In his arms, I will never shield again.

The pleasure soars through me like a blade.
Leaving us both exhausted and emptied.

He lifts his head and looks into my eyes.
Hazel depths are distraught.

"Spock," he says.
"This is not enough."

~ END

LESSONS 18
The Watcher

K/S, R
by kira-nerys

McCoy

Jim's words are like a kick in the gut.

Not enough?
What in the seven hells does he mean by that?
How much more does he need?
They're made for each other.
They're two parts of one being.
Dammit, Jim.
Don't throw it away!

Then, as Spock's fingers move toward Jim's temples.
I understand.
The concept of Vulcan love holds so much more.
One, in mind and body.

I try to look away.
But I still can't, dammit.
It's like the air crackles around them.
Spock's fingers are hovering over Jim's face.

I can't believe I've been watching them like this.
My two best friends.
My senior officers.
My family.

I can feel my cheeks burning.
I'm angry at me.
I'm angry at them.
They've ignored the fact that they're in sickbay.
They made love on one of my sickbeds.
Anger bleeds out of me then.

They made love.

They are back together.
Relief washes over me.

It will be all right.
At last.

~ End

LESSONS 19
One

K/S, R
by kira-nerys

Kirk

Not enough...

As soon as the words spill out of me I look into Spock's eyes.
I hope he understands.
I lock onto his gaze, and see the understanding there.
He knows what I want.
I don't have to spell it out to him.
God, Spock.
My other half.
The best part of me.

"I love you."

His hands lift from my shoulders and move to my face.
Whispers of his thoughts reach me as his fingers settle.
The meld points burn at his touch.
I long to feel him inside me.
He's the part of me I need.
That I cannot live without.
Why did it take me so long to see?

He and I,
One.

"Are you certain?" he whispers.
I simply nod, out of fear that my voice will not hold steady.
"Jim... T'hy'la, are you certain?" he asks again, waiting patiently.
His fingertips resting against my face...
They're agony
I want more.
They're bliss.
It's more than I've had in so long.

"Yes," I whisper, my voice unsteady.
I clear my throat.
"Yes," I repeat and look into those dark eyes again.
"Yes, Spock. Bond us."
"It is permanent," he says.
"I know, Spock. I know."

And he's there with me.
His glorious mind spills into mine.
Bringing warmth into the coldness that has been I for so long.
I can feel the wetness on my cheeks.
I can feel the soul-wrenching need inside him.
And I know then that he's carried that need for years.

Never demanding.
Never asking.
Never putting his own needs before mine.

<Oh, Spock. Forgive me.>
<Shh, T'hy'la. It is of no consequence. You have suffered also.>
<I never knew. I never realized...>

"Jim, you are with me now. Do not dwell on what is past."

And our thoughts and feelings meld.
They mesh, creating one mind.
It molds itself into perfection.

One.

I can feel it as the link snaps into place.
I cry out in pain.
I never knew the agony of it missing.
I never knew how deep that wound was.

Now
At last
He is there.

It will heal.

~ End

LESSONS 20
Whole

K/S, R
by kira-nerys

Spock

<Jim>

Emptiness.
Need.
Pain.

They have been my constant companions.
Ever since I left for Gol.
Finally we part ways.
It is with no regret I see them go.
I thought them to be at my side forever.
Until the day I no longer walked among the stars.

It is with great relief that I am proven wrong.
Such loneliness and pain was not my destiny.

His mind is like nothing I could have imagined.
I have imagined it.
Oh, so many times.
More ofren than I care to remember.

I close my arms around him.
His cool body is resting atop mine.
Gently, I pull the covers over us both.
The emotions has tapped at my strength.
I need rest.

I look into his eyes.
Golden and warm.
I know he feels it also.
The tiredness.
The contentment.

His thoughts confirm it.
The bond grows stronger.
It will soon be permanent.
Forever unbreakable.
The joy I feel...
It is certianly un-Vulcan.
I find I do not care.

He is part of me.
At last.
For the first time in so long,
I feel whole.

I lay to rest.
Cradling him.
The most precious being in my existence.

Later,
A small sound rouses me.
I open my eyes.
I see the shadowy figure.
He is trying to move away without revealing himself.

Leonard.

He sees me awake.
He lowers his head in shame.
I do not wish him to feel shame.
It was not his fault.
He became witness to this.
If anyone's, the mistake was mine.

I try to convey this as our eyes meet.
His body relaxes.
His face lights up with a genuine smile.
He is happy for us.
He leaves quietly.
The privacy lock snaps in place behind him.
I am content.

One long, hard journey has ended.
The pain is behind us.
Now,
I look forward to the next chapter in our lives.
I am certain, Jim will make it a fascinating one.

~End to the Lessons series.

| Lessons 1-5 | Lessons 6-10 | Lessons 11-15 | Lessons 16-20 |