LESSONS
by kira-nerys
K/S G- NC17

Best Poem
Lessons 1-17
Gold 1999

Author: kira-nerys
Title: Lessons
Codes: K/S
Rating: G - NC-17
Summary: A very angsty series of Vignettes dealing with what happened in The Motion Picture. Gol, the Kohlinar, V'Ger and Kirk's and Spock's relationship.
Feedback: kardasi@kardasi.com
Disclaimer: Kirk, Spock, McCoy, the Enterprise, Star Trek et al belong to Paramount. No infringment to their copyright is intended. I'm not making money on this.

Lessons 1
Kohlinar

K/S, G
by kira-nerys

Spock

I watched him go. His beauty still tugging at my heart.
He taught me how to feel and I learned my lesson well.

I am still your friend, he said. But, somewhere along the way, the love died. He asked my forgiveness and I granted it, though it pained me.
I could never refuse him anything...

Never did we form the bond that my people do.
He was frightened of its solidity.
Now it is too late.
Too late...

I forced myself to leave.
I could not face the emptiness.
I went to Gol because I had to, needed to purge the emotions.

The human inside me wanted, needed to get out.
I let it surface, to please him.
I couldn't deny him the love that was already there.

Farewell, my friend.
Love has died, you said.
But it is not true.

I wish you well and I hope you can move on; you, who are my other half.
Find happiness with someone else.
It is evident I could not give it to you.
The Kohlinar will release me and help me bury the love that I still feel for you.

I learned my lesson well.

~ END

LESSONS 2
Prisoner of Pain

K/S, G
by kira-nerys

Kirk

They were consuming me, the feelings I had for him.
I had to tell him to go.
I couldn't take it.
I couldn't fight the way those dark eyes saw the depths of my soul.

His mind called me every time we made love.
Tantalizing, alluring and intoxicating.
It frightened me like nothing else ever could.

I told him I no longer loved him.
It was like tearing my own heart from my chest.

I am such a coward.
Starfleet's finest they say.
What a mockery.
If only they knew what a coward I was.
I had it all, within reach, and I threw it away.

He left.
I could see the pain in his eyes.
And the love.
And I turned away.

Will I ever see him again?

By god, what have I done?
I wanted to remain free,
But now I'm a prisoner of pain.

~ END

LESSONS 3
From the Outside, Looking In

K/S, G
by kira-nerys

McCoy

They remind me of two magnets, pulling each other closer and forming a unity. Suddenly repelling, splitting apart.

He's so scared it isn't even funny, and I don't know how to help him.
He's always been like that, so afraid of intimacy, afraid of getting too close, or for someone else to get too close to him.

I watched that pointy-eared son of a bitch leave him.
But then, Spock has never felt that kind of pain.
It was debilitating, frightening and he could not control it.
I could see it in his face, set in stone.

Spock always had an animated face, despite the economy of emotion.
But now it's cold and dead. I don't know how to help him either.

I'm a doctor, not a psychiatrist, but it pains me to see them drift apart.
It's like seeing something precious shatter right before my eyes.
It's like seeing Earth without its sun, or the moon without its Earth.

They don't realize I know the truth.
And I'm not sure I should tell them.

How will they survive it? How will we survive it?

Seeing the hurt in Spock's eyes. I'm not that sure he'll ever return.
Seeing the fear in Jim's, I'm not sure he should.

~ END

LESSONS 4
Severed Link

K/S, G
by kira-nerys

Kirk

Stubborn
Yes, I guess I am at that.
But what good will it do me to go to Vulcan?
He won't listen.
I hurt him too much.

He cut the link last night.
The precious link that in time would have become the bond.
Less than a marriage, more than a betrothal.
I could feel him severing it, it was as if he cut a limb from me.
The vastness of space suddenly became empty and lifeless.
Devoid of anything worth living for.
Nothing left fighting for
And I feel so alone.

I remember how it felt to be alone before.
It was cold, empty and painful.
But nothing could have prepared me for this.

The emptiness feels like an aching hole inside me.
My heart slows down as if it wants to quit beating.
In the emptiness of night, I call to him.
He does not answer.
I call to him
But there is only silence greeting me.
And we weren't yet bonded, he said.

I didn't want it. It frightened the living daylights right out of me.
Bonded to another for life - and beyond?
Now it is all that I wish for, all that I want.

The Enterprise keeps rushing forth between the stars,
Their light seems bleak somehow, and the ship has no soul.
But I had to get her back.
She is the only thing that gives meaning to my life now.

He's gone. Oh God. What do I do to get him back?
Will a Starship Captain be granted this one mistake?
Even if it is the worst in his life.
Will I be granted another chance.

Oh, please....

~ END

LESSONS 5
The Calling

K/S, G
by kira-nerys

Spock

I reached the final level of the Kohlinar.
I severed our link.
It was fairly undramatic.
Less painful than I imagined
At first....

I believed that severing the link would make my existence easier.
I was mistaken.
I find my thoughts straying more often than not.
Soon, I am to accept the token of my mastery.
I am not worthy.

It is unnerving the way I still feel.
It shatters the neatly stacked layers of logic in my mind.
Something is calling to me
Is it Jim?
I am not certain.

The sands of Vulcan touch my skin,
T'Kuht and her smaller companion make the heat sear through my robe.
The dryness, the heat and the wind are Vulcan.
Together they make my home
And yet I still crave

I crave the moisture, the coolness and the lushness of Earth
Of him....
Of him, who is still my other half.
Something is calling to me.

As she lifts the token of logic that is to be bestowed upon me.
Something out there in the vastness of space reaches out to me,
It reaches out to my human half.
What it is, I do not know.
It is far more powerful than Jim.
And it is asking questions for which I do not have the answers.

I lift my hand and with this simple gesture
I deny what is.
I deny the Kolinahr
And the emotions rush back into my mind as if they were never missing.

The pain.
The love.
The loneliness
The passion

The longing

Th'y'la....

~ END

| Lessons 1-5 | Lessons 6-10 | Lessons 11-15 | Lessons 16-20 |