Out of the Ashes

Chapter 1

The scent was unlike anything she'd ever experienced - sweet, hot, spicy, heavy... she was reminded of burnt coffee, caramelized sugar, wood smoke and incense. It was thick, heady and intoxicating. The room was nearly dark save for the starlight through the window and the flickering of one small candle left burning on the dinner table a few feet away. Their movements cast curious shadows on the walls. The excitement in the air was nearly palpable. The only sounds to split the silence were moans and groans, growls and screams, and the occasional murmuring of a name. The shadows only hinted at the nature of the activities in the room.

On closer inspection, the larger, harder, more muscled gray body loomed over the smaller, softer, more feminine pinkish-tan body. From straight above looking down, one could see the contrast of pink legs wrapped around gray upper thighs, pink hands digging into the gray lower back and muscled gray buttocks, pulling him closer. From either side, one could see not even a millimeter of space between the two... then the gray body lifted up and began to thrust toward the pink one. Hands clawed at skin, teeth raked flesh, hearts pounded furiously... voices gasped, groaned, moaned... thrusting intensified... faster... harder... faster... harder... Both cried out in an odd harmony, and for a brief moment, the two disparate creatures became one. As the last throes of orgasm subsided, the bodies remained in nearly the same position. The only detectable movements were the rising and falling of their chests - he was breathing hard and so completely happy that he thought he might burst; she was sobbing underneath him, clinging to him. He had made her feel more emotion than she had ever before known. It terrified her.

Colonel Kira-Nerys awoke alone in a tangled mess of sheets and let out a cry of frustration. She was sweating and breathing hard. Her stomach was in a knot and her mouth very dry. She untangled her legs from the sheets and climbed out of bed.

"Computer, what is the time?" She sounded upset and was actually on the verge of tears.

"The time is 0800."

That announcement was met with more frustration. Before she could stop them, tears flowed freely from her eyes and she stomped into the bath to take a shower. She hated this vulnerability she felt recently, a completely new feeling for her. A 24-hour period three days ago had turned her life around and knocked her for a loop. She showered and dressed quickly. Before the turbolift had come to a stop in Ops, she was apologizing to everyone.

"I'm sorry I'm late. I don't know what's wrong with me. I guess I'm just not 100% yet."

Chief O'Brien had to give her the news. "Captain Sisko wants to see you in this office, Colonel." He gave her a reassuring smile that was blended with concern and a certain amount of affection.

Kira sighed and went to meet with the Captain. Being late for her shift two days in a row wasn't a serious offense, but she hoped he wouldn't pry into her personal life... or give her any bad news. Her emotions were nearly impossible to control now that they had been brought to the surface, bared to the air like a raw nerve. She took a deep breath and entered Sisko's office.

"You wanted to see me, Captain?" For the first time in seven years, she found herself unable to look the Emissary in the eyes. It was a relief to see that he was preoccupied.

"Colonel... I know you were late again today and I'm concerned about you. You don't look well and you seem so tired. Is there anything I can do to help?"

Great. I don't need your help now. "No, I've just not been sleeping well, that's all."

"Well, I think you need to take a day or two off and I want you to see Dr. Bashir. I think you might need a vacation!" Sisko seemed most pleased with himself. His relationship with Kira had been strained at times and he wanted to make the most of this opportunity to be caring and considerate. He didn't realize how uncomfortable it was making her. She rocked back on her heels and drew a breath before beginning her debate.

"Captain, I appreciate your concern, but I'm fine, really. I just haven't slept well. I don't want to take any days off right now because I have a lot to do. Staying on my normal schedule will be much better for me. And I promise, if I don't sleep tonight, I'll see Doctor Bashir tomorrow. Please don't make me take any days off, Captain!" Her voice held a desperation Sisko didn't understand, but he acquiesced to her request.

"Of course, but you will see Doctor Bashir tomorrow. I believe Odo's waiting for you in his office, Colonel," with that he dismissed her. She certainly didn't seem herself, Sisko thought. He knew that she and Odo were close - perhaps he could convince her to take some time off.

Odo handed her a fresh mug of raktajino as her apology came tumbling out of her mouth. "Odo, I'm so sorry. I was late again today and I had to get to Ops first. I hope I'm not keeping you from anything important!"

Odo sat across from her and studied her carefully. She had dark circles under her eyes, which were bloodshot, and there was a puffiness to her face, as though she had cried recently. She knew he was taking inventory of her and tried to seem upbeat. "Are you ready to go over the criminal activity report?" She smiled, hoping to distract him. It didn't work. He put the padd down and looked kindly towards her. "Nerys... please... I can see there's something wrong. Please let me help."

She stood up and paced just a bit before turning back to face him, smiling again. "Odo, thank you. I'm fine, really. If there was anything wrong, you're the one I'd talk to." Yeah, right. Not in a million years. Not about Dukat. He decided to let it go and motioned for her to sit again. Without looking at her, he said very softly, "Just remember, I'm here for you, no matter what. I'll always care for you, Nerys. Now let's go over this report."

The rest of her day progressed without incident. Ezri had asked her to dinner at Quark's, but Kira begged off. Ezri understood, thinking she must still be feeling the effects of whatever illness had made her miss work a few days earlier. Even though Ezri had known Kira only a few months, Dax had known Kira for years and knew she had never, ever missed work before. Ezri had made her promise she'd see Dr. Bashir if she didn't feel better soon. Kira wrapped up in a robe and enjoyed a hot bowl of soup and a hot chocolate before slipping into bed early. She prayed for sleep to come and to stay the whole night with her.

Chapter 2

She laughed to herself as she slipped on the high-heeled sandals she had bought on Risa years ago. They had never been worn. "Who would have thought I'd actually be looking forward to a dinner date with Gul Dukat?" There was no one to answer her. She checked her hair in the mirror once more and went out to the living area of her quarters. Dukat materialized seconds later, smiling widely and handing over a huge armful of Bajoran lilacs. She accepted them graciously and was actually quite charming.

He was still amazed at her change of attitude since he had contacted her a few weeks earlier to tell her that the Tora Ziyal Children's Center had been opened on Bajor and on Cardassia. She had been positively nice to him since then and they had found a reason to speak nearly every day. He was enjoying every minute of it. Seeing all those years of hatred and hostility melt away made him feel young again. He was still fascinated with the Colonel. She had held his interest far longer than anyone had a right to.

"A candlelit dinner, alone in your quarters? Why, Colonel, this is positively scandalous!" he joked. They laughed together softly.

"A bit of an understatement, Dukat." He flashed a knowing smile as he poured the wine. Kira couldn't help but laugh as she realized he had her grinning like an idiot. He was charming and suave, as handsome as ever, and she couldn't stop looking at him.

Prophets, he is so sexy. How could I not have seen it all along? He was wearing his regular military uniform, but Kira had never noticed before how impossibly tight his pants were, how muscular he truly was. She was suddenly acutely aware of his strong masculine legs and hands, his long fingers, his deep, penetrating blue eyes. She felt as if she were tingling all over. I can't believe I'm feeling this way...

When she was serving him hasperat, she had accidentally touched his forearm. She was surprised at the softness of his sweater and the hardness of his arm, the heat radiating from his body. What would it feel like... she stopped herself from that thought with a gasp and a sigh.

If I didn't know better, I'd swear that she wants me, he vowed silently to stop reading too much into this situation.

As they ate, they talked about Ziyal. "I think my daughter would have been very happy that you and I are finally 'friends'."

"Oh, so do I!" She smiled so broadly that he had to believe her. She is so beautiful, he thought to himself, and for countless seconds, he stared deeply into her eyes across the table. She stared back at him, but her focus was on his mouth. He had the most sensual lips she had ever seen. As she thought of those lips moving over her own, touching the skin of her neck, her chest, she let out an audible gasp. Dukat's eyes narrowed and his lips curled in an almost undetectable smile when he heard her. Seeing him react like a predator had once made her skin crawl, but now, she shivered with pure lust and anticipation.

"More wine, Colonel?"

"Huh? Oh, yes, please."

After dinner, they moved to the couch, taking their wine with them. For the thousandth time, he sat a little too close and let his leg brush up against hers. They had played this game before. This time, she didn't yell at him and didn't pull away. She does want me!

"Dukat..." she began, and he noted her voice was huskier than usual. He felt the hope rise in his chest... and in his groin. "A long time ago, you asked me to put away the past. I think I'm finally able to do that. Everything we both did - Cardassians and Bajorans, was a long time ago. I've wasted enough time hating you, don't you think?" She smiled at him and he felt his heartbeat accelerate.

"Nerys, I..." before he could finish his thought, she moved closer to him, so close he could smell her perfume, then she did the unthinkable.

She kissed him.

Her actions had Dukat frozen in time for a moment. Once his body kick-started his brain, he learned forward and grabbed her by both arms, kissing her passionately. She matched his intensity equally and fumbled with the latches of his armor. He parted her lips with his tongue and she responded eagerly. He could scarcely believe it was happening. He had waited years for this, knowing it would come eventually, but he had almost given up hope. He had fantasized about her writhing under him, crying out in reckless abandon, crying his name, begging for more... now she was the aggressor, wanting him as much as he wanted her. Oh, Nerys... I'm going to make you forget everyone you've ever been with...

The next few moments were a blur, then they were naked, hurriedly maneuvering into position on the couch. Dukat wished for a moment he could draw this out, make love to her properly, but there was no time. This was an urgent need that had been building for years. He positioned the head of his manhood at her entrance and gasped when he felt the wet heatwave of her passion. He knew he should enter her slowly, carefully, to allow her time to adjust and stretch to accommodate his size, but she was as eager as he was and she pulled him into her, crying out from the pain and from the pleasure that overtook her.

Oh, dear Prophets! This is so good, so good. Oh, it hurts! It's so big... Oh, please, please hurry. Oh, oh Prophets!

His body was screaming at him, demanding relief, and he had no choice but to seek it out. He began to thrust himself in and out, slowly at first, then faster. She thrust up to meet him, her own orgasm close at hand. She clawed at him, trying to get as much of her body in contact with his as possible, then thrust up hard against him, riding the waves of orgasm that racked her body. She let out a long, low moan as she came. The muscle spasms of her orgasm forced his sooner than he would have liked, but it was so good he thought he might lose consciousness. He let his body and his need override his mind and he thrust into her furiously, reveling in the greatest orgasm of his life. He flooded her with his seed, crying out in a combination of Kardasi and Bajoran, gasping for breath as he felt as though his heart might explode.

He lay in her arms, holding her close. She was smiling a sweet, satisfied smile but her tears flowed freely as he kissed her. "Oh, Prophets, Dukat! I never knew it could be like this!" Her arms were around him and she pulled him closer.

"We should have done this a long time ago!" She laughed when he said that.

Kira awoke with a start, sure that Dukat would be beside her in her bed. He wasn't.

"Not again! Computer, what is the time?"

"The time is 0300."

She was wide awake, too tense to sleep, and the frustration bore down on her like a 10 kilo-ton weight. He had spent 24 hours with her, 23 of them as her lover, and now she didn't know when she would see him again. It seemed as though her body was betraying her since he had gone. She was cold and sad and exhausted, but she couldn't sleep. Muscle cramps jolted her without warning in her pelvis, abdomen and thighs, and she ached for him to return and fill her so completely again. She was like an addict going through withdrawal. She craved Dukat, but he had gone, and the harder she tried to make herself "snap out of it", the worse it got. Now, there she was at 0300, freezing, pacing the floor in her quarters.

She had the lighting set to Cardassian standards, the way he would have if he had been there. She was wearing his sweater, the black one he always wore under his armor, which she had made him leave with her. It was several sizes too big for her, but she wore it as a nightshirt because it smelled of him. She knew the pheromones could be at least partly responsible for her sleeping difficulties, but she didn't care. She needed that sweater... she needed him. She abruptly stopped pacing and dropped onto her couch, putting her head where it had been the first time they had made love. She pulled the sweater up and clutched it to her face, breathing in the pheromones as she cried herself back to sleep.

Muscle cramps in her thighs woke her promptly at 0600, but as she went to shower and prepare for her shift, she saw her face in the mirror and knew she would not be working this day. Instead, she showered and dressed, then hurried to the infirmary. A paroxysm of sneezes caused her to nearly fall into Dr. Bashir's arms. He caught her and helped her to the closest BioBed, spilling his raktajino on the way.

"Julian, I feel awful. This must be some kind of flu or something. Has anyone else got it?"

"No, not yet, but you look terrible." He scanned her for viruses and microbes but found none. In between bouts of sneezing, she told him of her symptoms, at least the ones she could share, anyway. The last person she wanted to see right now was Julian Bashir, but her appearance in the mirror had frightened her. Her sunken eyes, deep, dark circles around them and pasty white, paler than pale skin were enough to make her seek him out, and enough to make him consider putting her in quarantine at least until he could determine what was causing her condition.

He had seen her just a few days before, the day she had first "called in sick". He was in Ops when she contacted the Captain and told him she was ill. A couple of hours later, as he passed her quarters, he stopped to see if there was anything he could do. He chimed her door and waited. No answer. He chimed again, mildly worried. She finally answered, wearing only a robe, very flushed in the face and neck, and smiling. He had been taken aback by her appearance and finally regained his composure. "Colonel, are you okay?"

"I'm fine. I was... resting. Thank you for asking. I think I'll go back to resting now," she had said impatiently and closed the door in his face. Just as the door was closing, he saw the Cardassian chest armor on the floor behind her and detected an aroma he knew well... the scent of an aroused Cardassian. He smiled to himself, as he hurried to see Garak. This "situation" required clarification and Garak was the person Julian trusted most. The two of them had settled into a comfortable, monogamous relationship and Julian felt they had no secrets between them any more.

"Well, it's no great surprise, really, Julian. He has been pursuing her for many years. The great Gul Dukat has finally triumphed over the mighty Colonel Kira!" He raised an imaginary glass in mock salute and laughed softly. Julian was still a bit disbelieving.

"Are you positive it's him?" Garak didn't answer in words, rather he gave Julian a look which said "Come now... don't I know everything that happens on this station?" Julian's mind had already moved on. He was recalling how he felt when Garak had "triumphed" over him. Garak's clearing of his throat brought him back to the present time.

"Oh, Garak, do keep this news just between us."

"Don't worry, Julian. I value my life too much to risk it over this."

Chapter 3

Julian had pronounced Kira "exhausted" and sent her to her quarters with a recipe for a hot toddy and an order to take the day off or else. By the time she got to her quarters, she was determined to get past this... indiscretion, and put him out of her mind. If she was going to live, it would have to be on her own. She would not spend her life waiting for him, or crying over him... A shower, change the sheets, get those lilacs out of there, get rid of that sweater of his - that was her plan. By the time the door closed behind her, all good intentions had crumbled along with her resolve. She tore her clothes off and wrapped herself in his sweater, wailing like a lost child. She lit some incense, replicated a glass of kanar and collapsed in a heap on the couch. She allowed herself the leisure of sobbing for awhile, cursing the day she had met him, the day she forgave him, and the day he had left her. Another couple of glasses of kanar and sleep overtook her, the sleep of the dead.

She awoke shivering at 1900. At least she hadn't dreamed about him. Kanar did have its advantages. The door chime interrupted her thoughts. "Who is it?"

"It's Doctor Bashir." He waited to be let in. She didn't bother to cover up or clean up. She was beyond caring what anyone else thought. Julian's heart ached when he saw her. Obviously, he had misjudged her level of depression earlier in the day. She was too tired of pretending, too tired of keeping her lonely secret, and when the door closed behind him, she fell into his arms, a sobbing mess of despair. As he helped her over to the couch, he detected the same scent he had days earlier and it frightened him at first. "Are you alone?"

"Yes," she muttered. Further investigation made him realize the scent was on the sweater she wore. As her deposited her on the couch and went to replicate a raktajino for her, he realized what was going on. Tact had never been his strong suit, and now was no time to worry about that.

"Colonel... Nerys... this is all because of Dukat, isn't it?"

She stared at him for a full minute, lips quivering, before erupting into wails and sobs. He comforted her as best he could, since she was incoherent and could answer no questions. After several long, uncomfortable minutes, the truth came pouring out of her. She couldn't handle this pain alone any more. "Oh, Julian. I've done a very stupid thing. I've fallen in love with him. Can you believe it? I hated him so much for all those years and now I'm hysterical because I can't stand to be without him even for just a few days!"

Julian handed her a handkerchief and she tried to dry her face.

"You're addicted."

"What?"

"You're addicted. It's the pheromones. They're biologically addicting to some humanoids."

"So you could cure me of this?" she asked, not at all sure, nor sounding convincing even, that she really wanted to be "cured" of it. "We spent 24 hours together and just look at me! I'm a wreck!" It felt so much better to have confided in someone. Kira had never thought much of Julian's medical skills. He had lost the only two men she had ever needed him to save - Bareil and Ghemor, but if there was one thing he knew about, it was how it felt to love a Cardassian. She supposed that was the reason she trusted him with this. She took a deep breath and continued,

"Oh, Julian. I don't know what I'm going to do. I can't think. I can't sleep. When I try to sleep, I dream about him. I never knew love could be like this. I never knew sex could be like this."

Julian shifted uncomfortably in his seat. He knew all too well that sex with a Cardassian could never be compared with anything else. "I'm afraid I'm just having a hard time accepting the fact that you love Gul Dukat." He said "love" as if it caused him pain. "I mean, you've hated him so openly for so long. What happened?"

"I finally got past the past. I let myself get to really know him, as a man, not Prefect, not military leader. I've always felt so passionate about him, I guess I just never knew it was love... until now."

"So where is he now?"

"On a reconnaissance mission to Empok Nor. He'll be back in a few days. No one can know he was here with me. Not yet."

"Well, Garak and I know."

"I'm just not ready to explain this to Sisko yet."

"If he comes back here, you'll have to explain it eventually."

"Not if, when. When he comes back. I know. I'm just not ready yet. I mean, I'm still a mess about this myself." She laughed pitifully. She was feeling better, though, just for having confided in Julian, and decided to tell him so, to thank him for keeping her secret. When she concluded, he was frowning as if he had just remembered something unpleasant.

"What is it?"

"When I saw you in the infirmary, when you first came in.... you were sneezing."

"Yes, I felt really awful. I felt like I was coming down with the - "

"Listen to me..." he grabbed her by both shoulders and looked into her eyes. "You were sneezing.... just like...."

She cut him off. "Just like when I was carrying the O'Brien's baby!"

She fainted.

Chapter 4

An hour later, Kira was back in her quarters, feeling like a completely different person. Julian had confirmed their suspicions in the infirmary and then escorted her back. He had never seen her so happy - she was elated, and the sharp contrast from her earlier mood worried him. After reassuring him that she would be fine, she put on the sweater again, this time feeling happy and warm and loved. A year ago, the news would have had her in a homicidal fury, but now... well, the Prophets certainly had led her down an interesting path. She wondered what Sisko the Emissary would say. She could just imagine what Sisko the Star Fleet Captain would say! Dukat wasn't one of his favorite people. Sisko had actually managed to accept that Dukat was temporarily insane after Ziyal's death, and that he was not responsible for some of his more heinous actions. They had an uneasy truce now - at least they weren't enemies at the moment.

She wondered what Dukat himself would say. She knew he loved her, and the Prophets knew he loved children. His half Cardassian, half Bajoran daughter had been his favorite, not to mention the main reason Kira had tried to forgive him and forget the past. Kira smiled to herself as she imagined Ziyal would have been thrilled about this new life, a legacy of her father's love for Kira. This night, she went to sleep with happy thoughts and dreamed of a future with Dukat, a happy, content, loving Dukat at peace with himself and the rest of the alpha quadrant. She dreamed of a little girl growing up in a peaceful place with both parents there to love her and cherish her, and without ever having to learn the language of war, hatred never becoming part of her vocabulary.

Kira arose feeling rejuvenated. The new life inside her gave her so much joy already, she laughed to think how she would ever be able to keep this a secret from these people who had become her family over the last several years. She would tell them all just as soon as she told Dukat.

Kira happily dressed for work that day. She nearly skipped off of the turbolift at Ops, prompting strange looks from everyone except Julian, who stared at the floor.

"Whatever you gave her for her illness, I want some!" Ezri joked to Julian.

"No, you don't!" he replied in earnest.

The next 3 days flew by for Kira. She spent her free time reading everything she could find about Cardassian children, particularly how being pregnant with a half Cardassian baby was likely to affect her. Luckily, there was quite a bit of information available because of all of the half-caste children of the Occupation. She had never allowed herself to become too emotionally involved when carrying the O'Brien's baby, since it wasn't hers, but this baby was and she was thrilled at the idea of being a mother. On the third day, she received a message that Dukat would be joining her that evening, resulting in butterflies in her stomach all day.

By 1800, Kira and her quarters were ready for his arrival. When he materialized, he was already removing his armor. He dropped it to the floor as he paused, looking at her appreciatively. She felt the desire in his gaze, felt it burn into her. She stepped into his embrace. He kissed her hard, insistently, viciously. His hands were all over her, as if to reassure himself that this was real. He wondered if he would ever return to her without a certain amount of hesitation, if he would ever truly know that she did love him. Seven years of openly hating him while he continued to subject himself to her abuses had scarred him for life, but he was here now, and her passion for him was as real as his for her.

He held her tightly to him and ground his hips against her. There was no mistaking his arousal. She moaned when she felt his hard cock pressing against her through his pants. He growled long and low as she rotated her hips against him, her soft, cool hands gripping his swelling neck ridges, kneading them as hard as she could. No words were spoken as the two dropped to the floor right where they stood. The elaborate, romantic seduction Kira had planned for him was quickly forgotten, chased out of her consciousness by their immediate need. Oh, Dukat.... now... please. You have no idea how much I need this.

Kira quickly peeled her dress off over her head. When her arms were above her head, he grasped her bared breasts in his hands and lowered his mouth to first one, then the other, sucking the nipples in between his teeth, nibbling none too gently. She let out a sound like a shriek, which thrilled him even more.

That's it, Nerys. Scream.... scream all you want.

He allowed her to gently fall back onto the floor. He didn't take the time to undress, just opened his pants and freed his throbbing erection, gasping, grasping it in his own hand momentarily, stroking it up and down the length just once, tipping his head back with the pleasure and anticipation filling his chest. His pheromones flooded the room. He was nearly dizzy with excitement.

She wrapped her legs around him and pulled him closer. He guided himself into her and let his hand linger between them. He flicked his thumb over her engorged clitoris once, twice, three times - smiled to himself as she quickly reached her orgasm. "The first of many," he promised her silently, glad to know she had indeed missed him as much as he had hoped.

He knows just what to do to me...

She screamed as she came, incoherent words and guttural sounds, her head tossing from side to side. His heart swelled with pride as he watched her, thrusting steadily all the while.

So hot... so wet... so tight. She fits me as though she were made for me, he hought, while he could still think, I will never get enough of this...

His own need overtook him then and he began to thrust more furiously, quicker, harder. He drew in a deep, ragged breath as he felt the delicious tingle of his building climax, then he allowed it to wash over him. The passion was surging like a tidal wave, blacking out all conscious thought, reducing him to the animal he truly was. His passion erupted in the hot flood of semen, filling Kira to overflowing, splashing back on himself unnoticed as he burned with so much love for her... a love she returned with equal ferocity. When he was finally able to breathe again, he simply said

"Hello, Nerys."

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