And When the Bond Breaks
Chapter 3
Several hours later, they were both in the main computer bay, running different sequences, trying to find any additional helpful information. A shudder ran through the ship.
Kirk was on the intercom immediately. "What the hell was that?"
"It's Scott here, Cap'n. I don't understand it. There's nothin' out there."
"Put the view screen through to the main computer."
"Aye, Sir."
Spock and Kirk waited for the image. It was just as Scott had said. Nothing but the pinprick of stars. Kirk frowned. "Could there be a cloaked ship out there?"
"Anythin's possible, but nobody fired at us. There's no weapon signature, and no damage of any kind showin' up on ship's sensors."
A second shudder almost knocked Kirk off his chair. Only Spock's strong grip kept him in place. "I'm on my way to the bridge." He flipped the intercom off and headed for the door, Spock directly behind him. When the third shudder shook the ship, they both started to run.
As they approached the turbolift, Spock saw something out of the corner of his eye. He grabbed the captain and pulled them both to a stop. "Jim." He pointed down the hallway from which they had just come.
Kirk turned and let out a sound of dismay. The walls were fading in and out. He turned in alarm to Spock. "We're out of time."
Spock nodded. "It would appear your hypothesis was correct and that the past has, indeed, caught up to us."
Kirk yanked Spock into the turbolift. "We have to get you to your shuttlecraft." He pulled on the lever. "Hangar deck." The turbolift began to move.
Spock pulled Kirk closer to him as the front door of the lift grew momentarily indistinct.
Kirk kept a tight hold of Spock but he leaned forward and pressed the intercom button. "Mr. Sulu?"
"Aye, Captain?"
"Download that search algorithm to the Galileo, immediately."
"Aye, Sir."
Kirk looked at Spock. "You have that disk?"
Spock held it up. "Yes."
Kirk took a look at it, and let out a choice curse. He pounded on the wall. "Come on, come on. Move."
Spock realized his concern. It was a disk from the Enterprise; it too would disintegrate. His own heart was pounding as he tried to ignore what was happening around him. This Jim Kirk would be dead soon. It was more than he could cope with. He pulled Kirk fully into his arms and held him close.
A few seconds later the turbolift arrived on the hangar deck. Kirk lifted a hand and cupped Spock's cheek gently, his eyes full of love. Then, grabbing Spock's arm, he sprinted toward the Galileo. They had to change direction a couple of times as the floor seemed to vanish almost right beneath their feet, but in less than a minute they were boarding the craft.
Kirk began to bark out orders. "Get this thing on and the life support up and running. Give me the disk." He took it from Spock and slammed it into the computer, giving the verbal order. "Computer, download entire disk, save under name of Kirk/emergency solution." The smaller engines come on line, the slight draft from the internal air handlers indicating the shuttle's systems were functioning. He glanced at Spock. "Can you find the algorithm Sulu sent through?"
"Yes, it is right here."
"Start it. We don't know how long you'll be conscious. You need to have everything set on autopilot. I didn't last long after you…after my Spock died."
Spock could see the wisdom in that, and he gave orders to the computer to start the program to search for the anomaly. That way, even if he were unconscious, the shuttle would continue its mission. He gave further orders for the shuttle to adjust its settings automatically and fly an intercept course.
Kirk glanced out the side porthole. The effects were stronger now. Everything was fading in and out. He called the bridge. "Scotty."
"Cap'n? The ship's fadin' away!"
Kirk could hear the anxiety in the Scotsman's voice. "I know. It's because Spock is here and not where he needs to be. I need to send him back to keep this from happening."
There was a strangled cry through the intercom. "It's startin' to affect the crew."
Kirk clenched his fists and then cautiously looked down at his body as if afraid it might not be there. "Just sit tight, Mr. Scott." Spock could feel Kirk's conflicting needs. The one, to be up on the bridge, offering solace to his crew, to be with them at the end, the other, knowing that it was here he had to be, not only to protect his mate, but to save them all.
Spock could actually feel himself start to panic. At Mr. Scott's words he had cast desperate eyes on Kirk, fully expecting him to simply fade from sight. This was happening too fast. There was still too much that needed to be said.
Kirk was looking around, making sure every contingency had been planned for. He grabbed a computer pad and waved it at Spock. "Is this from the Galileo?" Spock nodded. Kirk grabbed the stylus and started writing furiously.
"What are you writing?"
"A note to myself. And don't worry, Mr. Spock, if you get back in sound mind and body, you can pitch it out a porthole." He got back to his writing.
Spock checked the computer one more time, holding on as the big ship around him
shuddered and groaned. He glanced up and let out a cry as Kirk grew indistinct
for a few seconds. When he was back in full form, Kirk just scribbled faster
and then signed his name. He threw the pad onto the counter and moved to where
Spock sat. He straddled Spock on his chair, wrapping his arms around him.
"Spock, I'm counting on you. Get back to the other me, save the ship, keep this
future from ever happening."
He pressed his lips feverishly to the Vulcan's. "Bond with that me. Keep my Spock safe for me." His lips touched Spock everywhere he could reach.
Spock held him tightly, and then even more tightly as Kirk started to fade. He let out a sob. "No. Don't leave me."
"I love you, Spock. I'll always love you."
Spock held him so tightly he knew he should be cracking ribs. But it didn't help. Slowly, inexorably, Kirk disappeared and Spock was left holding nothing.
Spock futilely grabbed at the air around him, in a desperate hope that Kirk might reappear, not truly believing that Kirk could really be gone. He caught a glimpse of darkness and shoved away from the console, walking to the closest porthole. All he saw was empty space. The Enterprise was gone. Jim was gone. The bond was gone. Inside his mind was emptiness as great as that surrounding the Galileo. It threatened to consume him. He could feel its maw, the hot fetid breath of a loneliness that would sear his soul from his body.
The loss was more than he could bear. He sank to his knees, his forehead resting against the cool interior bulkhead of the shuttle. He almost allowed the oblivion to pull him down. But by sheer dint of will, he forced himself up to check on the computer one more time. After ascertaining that there was nothing else he could do, he sank to the floor again, and surrendered to the pain.
And When the Bond Breaks:
Chapter 4
Kirk felt numb. It just wasn't possible that Spock could be gone. His shuttle had been there one second and gone the next. But several hours had gone by, and there was still no sign. Nothing. And despite evasive maneuvers, the anomaly that seemed to have swallowed Spock's shuttle had engulfed the Enterprise. Even though it was gone now, the ship's systems were starting to break down.
He had looked through Spock's logs, hoping to find some answers there, but all the reports that seemed apropos were scientific mumbo-jumbo that made little sense to Kirk. He ran a few of the equations through the computer but it seemed as confused by Spock's notations as Kirk was. He muttered under his breath. "Damn it, Spock. Where are you?"
His need for the Vulcan was operating at two levels. The first need, the acute one at the moment, was pragmatic in nature. He needed the services of his science officer. He needed access to that enormous intellect and repository of knowledge. Kirk was more than capable of command decisions, possessing a razor sharp intuition, and he wasn't exactly an intellectual slacker in his own right. But he knew when more was needed. It was part of what made him a good commander. He surrounded himself with the very best, and he knew when to rely on them. And right now, he needed to be relying on Spock.
"Engineering to the Cap'n."
"Kirk here, go ahead Mr. Scott."
Scotty's voice started breaking up and Kirk could only hear about every third word. All communications on the ship were being affected. Bones had called earlier to complain that none of his scanners were working. Kirk interrupted the engineer's tirade. Even with just one word out of three, it was clear it was serious. "Mr. Scott. I'm on my way." He flicked off the intercom and stood. Just for a second, everything looked fuzzy. He rubbed his eyes and when he opened them again, everything appeared normal. Just to be sure it wasn't just him he turned to his crew. "Did anyone else see that?"
Uhura looked up at him gratefully, as if glad to get this proof that she wasn't going crazy. "I thought I saw everything vibrate for a second."
Kirk tapped his fingers on the back of his chair. Then he addressed the bridge crew. "Eyes alert. Make note of any other occurrences. I'll be down in Engineering. Mr. Sulu, you have the comm.
"Aye, Sir."
Kirk entered the turbo lift and spoke. "Engineering." The doors closed and the lift began to move. His other need for Spock was personal and his absence had started an ache in his heart that kept growing stronger. Spock. His best friend, his truest friend. And the one being in the universe he loved, wanted, yearned for with all the passion in his body and soul.
He was sure Spock loved him too. He'd seen the softness in the dark eyes, the protracted glances, acknowledged the occasional touches, and the unspoken need to spend more and more time together. The promise of what they could be was an irresistible lure and both he and Spock had gladly been giving in to it, drawing ever nearer to each other.
Kirk closed his eyes. Spock was gone, with no trace, and no tracks to follow. And he was gone from inside Kirk's head as well. The two of them had never discussed it, but Kirk could sense Spock. It was just the slightest of background noises, but the feel of him was always there. And now it wasn't. He kept searching for it, like probing an empty tooth socket. And every time he would be faced anew with the loss.
He wanted to hide in his cabin and get drunk, he wanted to go to the gym and punch something, he wanted to fall to his knees and rail at the universe, but he did not have the luxury of time for any of that. His ship was under attack.
The lift arrived and the door opened. As he stepped out, things grew fuzzy again. He looked more closely and decided he liked Uhura's term better. Everything was vibrating. He reached out to touch the wall and for a moment his fingers slid right through it. Some instinct made him jerk his hand back and the wall was solid again. He didn't like to think what might have happened if the wall had solidified around his fingers.
He hit the intercom. "All hands. This is the Captain. There is an unexplained phenomenon occurring on the ship. Solid objects seem to be vibrating, making them less than solid. Do not, I repeat, do not attempt to touch any of these surfaces. Kirk out." Kirk could do nothing about that certain percentage of crew who would do it anyway, despite the warning, but he'd done what he could.
Kirk proceeded rapidly to Engineering. "Mr. Scott."
Scotty looked up in relief. "Och, Cap'n. I'm that glad to see ye."
"Report."
"I heard your announcement. It's been happening here, to the engines. I canna explain why."
"You said something about the antimatter pod."
"Aye. We took some readings, and every time that vibration occurs, there's been some leakage through the confinement fields. Just a miniscule amount, but you get enough matter and antimatter floating around…" He just gave Kirk a speaking glance.
"I get the picture." Kirk ran a hand over the lower part of his face as his eyes roamed over the engine room. "If it continues at this rate, how many episodes can we go through before we have enough antimatter to spark an explosion?"
"Och. I don't know exactly. A dozen, maybe."
"I need a better answer than that, Mr. Scott."
"I've got my best crew timin' the episodes and measurin' the leakage. There haven't been enough for me to predict the future."
"Be that as it may, I need that prediction as soon as possible." He ran another eye over the antimatter pod. "We might need to eject the pod."
"That will leave us stranded." Scotty looked horrified, as if he'd been asked to leave one of his children on the side of the road.
"I realize that. But it will also leave us alive. We can put out a mayday and someone will come along to tug us home."
Scotty looked affronted at the very thought. "Or someone unfriendly might respond and here we'd be, like a sittin' duck."
"Just get me that information. I need to know what I'm dealing with." Not that it would matter if everything started to fall apart. Just then, the vibration returned. Kirk snapped out a warning to all the crew within hearing. "Don't touch anything." Everyone was still until it passed.
A female ensign called out. "Mr. Scott. We lost 19 AMU that time."
Scotty looked grim. "It's increasin'. Every time a little more."
"Can we put a second confinement field around the pod, or a stronger magnetic seal?"
"Aye, we can try." He started barking out orders and his staff rushed to comply.
The intercom let out a chirp. "Bridge to Captain Kirk." Sulu's voice was unusually excited.
"Kirk, here."
"It's Mr. Spock's shuttle. It's back."
Kirk's heart leapt in his chest. "Kirk to Galileo, Spock, can you hear me?" There was no response. "Sulu, has Uhura been able to make contact."
"No, Sir. It's just sitting there."
"Get a tractor beam on it, bring it in."
"Aye, Captain."
Kirk turned to the engineer. "Keep things under control in here."
"I'll do my best." Scott ran a hand through his dark hair and turned back to his engines.
Kirk headed for the hangar deck. He impatiently watched as the tractor beam slowly pulled the shuttlecraft in. His fists clenched impotently as the tractor beam occasionally fritzed in and out, and once he thought it was gone completely and that the Galileo would smash into the side of the ship. But then the array was back, and the shuttlecraft was finally on board.
He suddenly realized McCoy was standing behind him. He gave him a brief smile, and then focused his eyes on the dial that would indicate the hangar bay was pressurized again and he could enter. The second it was in the green, Kirk was sprinting across the bay and slamming his hand on the control to open the smaller craft.
The first thing he saw was Spock on the ground, curled up into a fetal position. He yelled for McCoy. "Bones!" He touched his friend and could have wept with relief to find that he was still warm. For a paralyzing second, he had been sure that Spock was dead.
Bones was at Spock's side now, running a tricorder over him. "There's nothing physically wrong with him, but he's in a deep coma. His brain waves are almost flat."
"Can you do something for him?" Kirk couldn't take his eyes from the pale face, the too still body.
"Well, if the waves get much flatter his organs will start to fail. I can put him on life support until we figure out what happened."
"Do it."
McCoy reached for the intercom. "McCoy to sickbay. I need a stretcher and a transport team to the hangar bay immediately." He glanced up at Kirk to see how he was doing. He knew his friend's emotions for the Vulcan ran deep.
Kirk was at the console, trying to determine where Spock had come from, what had happened. What he found made no sense. It looked as if Spock had set the shuttlecraft to find the anomaly and run right through it. He slammed his fist down on the console. "Damn."
"Jim, you gonna be able to hold it together?"
Kirk just glared at McCoy. "What happened to him? What's happening to us?" He felt so helpless. Getting up he began to prowl the small craft, resisting the urge to get down on his knees by Spock and pull the comatose Vulcan into his arms, just to feel his warmth. He leaned against the far counter, shoving a computer pad out of his way.
Then something about it caught his eye. It looked like his writing. He picked it up and his eyes widened as he began to read.
JT,
If you've never taken anything on faith before, you need to believe this. If you're reading this you're in deep shit. It means that your ship is falling apart, and Spock is dead or dying.
And, by the way, I'm you, a future you, although when you start messing with timelines everything's a crapshoot.
Kirk sensed movement and he realized that McCoy was standing next to him, reading along, his eyes wide with disbelief.
Okay, ship first. You're dealing with anti-time. I downloaded the information that my Spock came up with that saved the ship. It's under Kirk as a file. Just feed it into the main computers and navigation. It will search for the closest space anomaly like the one that caused all this trouble. I know it sounds wrong, but run the ship right through it while you run the solution Spock put together. Trust me on this, buddy. Or trust Spock. This was his brainchild, and it saved my ship, our ship.
Kirk moved to the console, pad in hand, and began to search the records, looking for the file he needed. He felt a surge of relief when he found it and opened it up, scanning it briefly. More mumbo-jumbo. He pressed the intercom. "Mr. Sulu."
"Aye, Captain."
"Pull up the shuttlecraft computer records and find the file Kirk/emergency solution. Then download it into the main computers and the navigation controls, and execute. Maximum speed."
"Aye, Sir." There was a pause. "Downloading now." Another few seconds. "New course laid in at maximum speed."
"Thank you, Mr. Sulu." Kirk could feel the big ship gently turn and the engines pulse. He gave a silent thanks for a bridge crew that knew when to ask questions, and when to just obey.
McCoy gestured at the pad. "Does it say anything about what happened to Spock?"
Kirk furrowed his brow and then realized he still had a death grip on the pad. He looked down and began to read again.
I'm running out of time. I can barely hold the stylus anymore. Spock and I are bonded. My mistake. I thought he was my Spock. He'll explain, I hope. The severed bond will kill him if it hasn't already. I know that, because it almost killed me. It would have if your Spock hadn't shown up.
Kirk felt a moment of pathological jealousy. Bonded? His eyes were dark when he looked at McCoy. "It's a severed bond." The medical team arrived but Kirk had them hold off as he continued to read.
If you really are me from a year ago, I know you love him, and he loves you, so get in his head and use the link that's already there between the two of you to get through to him. Once he knows you're there, he'll take care of the rest, he won't be able to help it. And yes, you'll end up bonded. It's what you both want, so don't think, just do it.
I want you to know I tried pretty hard to get him to stay with me, but you're the one he wants. My Spock is dead. Make sure it doesn't happen to your Spock. A year from now, when Spock decides he's going to take the newly refitted shuttle out for a test run, don't let him go. There wasn't enough left of the shuttle to figure out why it exploded.
I’m out of time.
JTK
Kirk looked down at Spock. Bonded. Dying of a severed bond. He looked at his hand, wondered if he could find a way into Spock's mind. If he could take the time. He pressed the intercom. "Engineering."
"Scott here."
"Update, Mr. Scott?"
"The new confinement shield seems to be workin'."
"You feel the situation is currently under control?"
"Yes, still too soon to predict the future. Understood." He flicked off the intercom.
McCoy was watching Kirk carefully, every instinct on alert. "Just what are you planning?" Kirk handed the pad to the doctor and let him read it for himself. McCoy gave him a disbelieving look. "Are you out of your damn mind? He's too far gone. He'll just drag you down with him."
"I have to try. I can't just let him die, not when I can help."
"He'd be the first one to tell you no if it was going to put you in danger."
"And he'd be the first one to put himself in danger to save my life."
McCoy scowled. "I'm not going to be able to talk you out of this, am I?"
Kirk shook his head. "I have to try." He had to. His heart and soul were on the line.
McCoy shooed the medical team out of the shuttlecraft and closed the door behind them. He held up the pad. "You read this. You'll end up bonded. Is that what you want?"
Kirk gave McCoy a sad smile. "Yes. It's what I want. I've wanted it for a while now. I love him."
"Is it what he'd want?"
"I think so. We hadn't spoken of it, but I believe we were heading that way." He gestured at the pad in McCoy's hand. "According to that other me, we already have a link. I've felt it." He glanced down at Spock, and suddenly realized that he could feel it again. He closed his eyes and sank into it for a moment. "It's back. Thank God, it's back." Suddenly he was sure he could do this.
Wanting to take immediate advantage of his confidence, not sure how long it would last, Kirk crouched down by Spock's side and put his hand on the Vulcan's face. Then he lifted one of Spock's hands and pressed the long fingers against his own cheek and temple. He gave McCoy one more glance, took in his worried gaze, gave him a tight smile, and closed his eyes.
Kirk used the words he'd heard Spock say and mentally projected them. My mind to your mind, my thoughts to your thoughts. He envisioned the bridge that he always saw when Spock was connecting them. Kirk hoped that the mental construct would prove equally effective without Spock's assistance.
Every other time he'd been invited into the Vulcan's mind, whether for duty or pleasure, it had been a visual delight. Spock's mind was like a prism, multi-faceted, with both the clear crystal of organization and logic, and the flashes of color that denoted his curiosity, humor, and emotions. It had captivated Kirk, and coupled with the Vulcan's gentle welcome and affection, from the very first it had felt like a second home to him. Every time Spock had withdrawn from the mental connection it had been much too soon for Kirk and had left him wanting more.
But now, all he saw was a muted darkness. Kirk didn't think he had ever felt quite so alone. And yet, Kirk felt a contradictory moment of hope, when he realized that he was in Spock's mind. Which meant that Spock's essence must also be here. Tucked away deeply to account for all the darkness to be sure, but here. Shunting aside his own emotional response to the bleakness of the mental environment in which he found himself, Kirk began to search.
He visualized a house, and began to walk through every room, opening closed doors, peeking inside closets. The house grew larger, adding floors as he ran up stairway after stairway. Empty. Every room was empty. Kirk began to feel nervous, and as time went by, he found himself fighting off a welling panic. He started to yell. //Spock. Spock, it's me, Jim.//
Nothing. He tried again. //Spock. It's okay. You're safe now. Come out and talk to me. Please. // Still nothing. Kirk leaned against a wall, taking deep breaths, trying to think, trying to imagine where Spock would have retreated. He slid down the wall into a crouch, running his hand over the bottom half of his face. //Spock, where the hell are you?//
Then he felt it. His link. His link to Spock. It tugged at him, like a fishing line with a bite on it. It drew him to his feet, and he turned to find a new hallway, where a solid wall had stood only minutes before. Without hesitation he headed for the door at the end of the hallway, but on trying the doorknob, he found it locked.
Kirk suddenly knew he was running out of time, that Spock was running out of time. Hoping that using force here wouldn't injure the Vulcan's mind, he kicked at the door hard with his foot until it slammed open. Spock was lying on the floor curled around a blackened, charred stump that was almost as thick around as the Vulcan's torso. The room held nothing else.
As Kirk watched, spellbound, the link that had led him here began to extend from his body, looking like a strand of shimmering gold, until it touched the stump. Kirk could feel his connection to Spock grow.
Moving closer, he got down on his knees. //Spock.// Kirk reached out a hand and touched the Vulcan's shoulder. //Spock. It's me, Jim.// Kirk shifted to a sitting position and pulled Spock up, resting him against his chest. Kirk watched the link, almost as if in response to the physical touch, send out new golden tendrils to more firmly attach itself to the stump. He reached out gingerly to feel the remains of what must have been Spock's bond with the other Kirk. It trembled in response to his touch.
Knowing he really had no idea what he was doing, but trusting his instincts, Kirk shifted himself until he was leaning against the stump, Spock lying almost in his lap, head resting in the hollow of his shoulder. Kirk wrapped one arm tightly around his friend. //Spock. Come back. Everything's all right now.// He laced his fingers through Spock's and laid both their hands on the stump. //Please, don't leave me.//
The tendrils from Kirk's side of the link began to weave themselves around the laced fingers, binding them together. Small silver shoots began to sprout from the stump and interweave themselves with the gold. Kirk, his heart full of awe, knew he was watching the bond heal itself, and knew that Spock would be all right. He called again. //Spock.//
The body in his arms stirred. //Jim?//
Kirk clutched Spock tighter. //Yes, it's me.//
//You are not dead?//
//No, I’m alive. As are you.// Kirk's heart was so full of joy at this simple statement of fact it was almost painful.
There was a moment of silence, then a halting plea. //You are…my Jim?//
Kirk let out a half laugh, half sob. //Yes, very much your Jim.//
Spock pulled away enough so he could look at Kirk. He glanced at their bound hands, at the stump putting out new shoots of silver, of the entwining bands of gold.
Kirk smiled gently at Spock's confusion. //I’m here with you in your mind. You got back, you came back to me.//
Spock's brow furrowed, as if deeply concentrating. Then he closed his eyes.
Kirk could feel him testing the bond. He could feel the Vulcan's fear as he probed the place inside of himself that had died, and then he felt Spock's wonder as he found it coming to life. Before he could sense Spock's intention, Kirk was grabbed, held tightly, and bodies pressed together, they fell back on the stump.
Kirk expected to slam into a solid object, but they fell right through it, and then all Kirk knew was Spock. Spock was inside of him, and outside of him, surrounding him, and completing him. It was as if a geyser blew directly underneath him, lifting him from the earth, filling him with its life giving essence. And then came the desire, the wanting, and the loving, so strong, so powerful and alluring, that Kirk wouldn't have been able to refuse the demand even if it hadn't already been his heart's desire.
Everything that was Kirk just said yes. The questions came from Spock like rapid fire. //You are here? You are my Jim? You are mine? You desire me? You love me?// The inquiries weren't insecure, or hesitant, they were simply an affirmation. They were full of a sparkling joy, and came in response to the omnipresent yes Kirk was exuding with all the love in his heart.
And then surrounded by strands of gold and silver, as if at the most resplendent New Year's Eve party, Spock kissed him. The desire ripped through Kirk, setting him on fire, and he rolled them both until he was covering Spock with his body, sweeping his tongue inside Spock's mouth, needing the communion of lips and teeth and tongues.
Kirk was consumed with desire. His own, Spock's, his response to Spock's desire, Spock's response to his desire, each layer another liter of liquid fuel thrown onto a raging bonfire. Kirk gasped, trying to catch his breath, one hand skimming up under Spock's tunic, needing to feel skin. Spock's hands moved down Kirk's body, cupping his ass, pressing him close, pressing hardened, eager cocks together. Kirk moaned into Spock's mouth, capturing one of Spock's cries.
In the midst of the inferno, Kirk heard his name being called. He ignored it. This was all he needed. This was what Spock needed. Desire, completion, unity. Two made one. The voice grew more insistent, calling both their names. "Spock, Jim. Snap out of it."
Kirk allowed the thought to intrude. Snap out of it? Snap out of what?
"Jim! Holy Toledo, you guys are gonna embarrass me out of a decade of life. Spock, come on."
Kirk felt someone nudge him. He could feel through the bond that Spock was now aware of the intrusion. Kirk was surprised by an uncharacteristic surge of anger coming from the Vulcan. //Someone is with us.// Kirk could feel Spock's anger grow, the emotion primal, the basic need to protect his mate strong.
He swept his hand down Spock's back, reassuring him across the bond as to his safety. Then Kirk put two and two together. //Oh, God. It's Bones.// Kirk looked down at their bodies. //Are we doing this for real? In front of him?//
Kirk wrestled with the longing to finish what they had started, to reassure Spock, to gently eradicate the residual ache he could still feel lurking in Spock's mind, a painful remnant of the severed bond. It was too soon to be separating; Spock needed more time. But lying on the shuttlecraft floor, in front of Bones, wasn't exactly the ideal place or circumstances.
Seeing the anxiety in Spock's eyes, Kirk lowered his head again to kiss the look away. He didn't want that look on Spock's face, or to feel it in Spock's mind. Not about him. //Spock, are you all right? Will you be all right if we pull out of this? I don't want to, but I just remembered that we're…well, we're sort of in a public place.//
Spock raised an eyebrow. //Where…?//
Kirk ran a loving finger over the eyebrow. His hand continued its exploration and moved to an elegantly pointed ear. //We're on the Enterprise, in the shuttlecraft, with Bones.// He wanted to taste that ear. Despite their conversation, the desire had barely abated. Kirk felt Spock's hands squeeze his ass again, and he let out a groan.
The voice would not be silent. "Shit, where's a damn fire hose when you need one."
Kirk was startled that he had forgotten so easily. Bones, the shuttlecraft. //"Spock, will you be all right? Can you bring us out?"//
Reluctantly acquiescing, Spock began to withdraw them from the meld.
Kirk could feel reality coalesce around them. He experienced the usual pang he always felt when Spock mentally pulled away. But this time, Spock was still there, in his mind, in his heart. And beneath him. Kirk opened his eyes and looked down at Spock. He could still feel the desire, both his own and Spock's. It still zinged between them, resonating through the bond, and everywhere their bodies were touching.
He fought the temptation to kiss Spock again. Instead he just smiled at the Vulcan, speaking softly. "Hey. Welcome back."
"Have you two cut it out, yet? Can I open my eyes?"
Kirk reluctantly rolled off Spock. He bit back a groan as his still engorged cock rubbed against Spock's thigh, and barely resisted the urge to roll back on. He sighed. "Yes, Bones, you can open your eyes."
He watched as McCoy opened his eyes and then swept them both from head to toe, taking in Kirk's erection, and then Spock's, both quite obvious. He rolled his eyes. "I never thought I'd see a case of human or Vulcan spontaneous combustion during my professional lifetime, but the two of you came awfully damn close."
Spock rose to his feet, and assisted Kirk up. Kirk could feel that the Vulcan was not ready to relinquish his touch. Neither was Kirk. Their eyes met, and the lure of the bond pulled their bodies together again, arms snaking around backs, lips touching.
"For the love of Pete, will you stop already?"
Spock glared over the top of Kirk's head at McCoy. "Perhaps you might consider leaving."
McCoy defended himself. "Hey, I'm the last one to stand in the way of romance, in all its shapes and sizes."
"All evidence to the contrary." Spock's voice was frosty.
McCoy scrunched his face up. Determined to get his point across, he appealed to Kirk. "Jim, the ship. Remember? Space anomalies? Disappearing shuttlecrafts…starting to ring a bell?"
Kirk let out a long breath and pushed away from Spock. He shook his upper body and head out, like a dog shaking off a coat full of water. "Okay, okay." Kirk could still feel Spock's longing in his mind, and could sense his body, only inches away. The longing was echoed in his mind and body, and the pull for union was almost irresistible. He took a few more steps back, until he was against the wall. Finding some inner strength he pointed at Spock, and then at the chair behind the console. "You, sit there."
McCoy snorted.
Spock shook his head. Kirk could feel the bond begin to vibrate with a desperate need. In addition to Spock's longing, Kirk could feel a swell of sadness and fear from the Vulcan. Experiencing an urgent need to console him, he took a step toward Spock. The intercom chimed. "Bridge to Captain Kirk."
His eyes on Spock, Kirk flicked the wall intercom toggle. "Yes, Mr. Sulu?"
"Captain, I've located an anomaly. ETA one hour and eighteen minutes."
Kirk found himself getting lost in Spock's eyes, in Spock's desire, and the unexpected anguish. It was essential he alleviate his friend's…his bondmate's distress. He cleared his throat. "Thank you, Lieutenant. I'll be on the bridge shortly."
"Aye, aye, Sir."
He took another step toward Spock. McCoy put his hand on Kirk's arm. "Aren't you moving in the wrong direction?" The door was behind McCoy.
Moving fast, Spock yanked Kirk away from McCoy's grip, pulling him into the safety of his arms, his back against the Vulcan's chest.
Kirk patted Spock's arms reassuringly, and gestured with his head for McCoy to leave. "I need to talk to Spock alone for a minute." Spock nuzzled at Kirk's neck and Kirk let out a small moan of pleasure.
McCoy shook his head. "I really don't think that's a good idea. You're barely keeping it together, and he's worse off than you are. If you don't let go of him, or make him let go of you, the two of you will be all over each other like white on rice."
"Bones, please. Give me five minutes. If we're not out of here by then, you can come back in."
McCoy scowled, but he slapped his hand on the exit control and walked outside, hitting the outside control to shut the door.
Kirk turned in Spock's arms, and hugged him tightly. "Spock, what's the matter?"
Spock just held on even tighter.
Kirk let out a grunt of discomfort. Spock barely lightened up on his hold. Kirk could feel too many negative emotions overriding the previously positive ones. "Spock, talk to me. What's wrong?" He pulled back and placed his hands on Spock's face, thumbs caressing his forehead, fingers teasing his hair.
Spock moved his head down as if to kiss Kirk.
Kirk pulled his head back and shook his head. "Bones is right. If you kiss me, it's all over, and as much as I want to, we can't do this right now. Can you be all right with that?" Kirk was becoming more and more concerned. This was so unlike Spock. "Is this normal? Should you be feeling this way?" He gave Spock a nervous smile. "I thought you wanted this. The other Kirk said you wanted this. Was he wrong? Did I do the wrong thing?"
He watched as Spock tried to pull himself together. Then he saw the memory. Saw Spock holding him, holding that other Kirk as he simply faded away, saw Spock reach for him, saw Spock cry out as he felt the emptiness inside, and Kirk shared the sense of hopelessness, the loneliness. This time it was Kirk holding Spock tightly. "I'm here, Spock. I'm okay. And if I'm okay, he'll be okay. And I promise that I'm not going anywhere." His voice was fierce and determined.
He continued. "And after we get through this crisis, we'll go back to your quarters, and we'll be together, just you and me, and we'll talk, and we'll make love, and we'll just be together. I'll take us off duty and we'll take whatever time we need. All right?"
Spock let out a shuddering breath, and then he nodded.
Kirk continued to speak softly. "Right now I need my first officer. I need you to help me fix what's wrong with the ship. Can you do that?"
Another nod.
"Then I need to ask you for one more thing, and I hate to do it, but I can't function very well with everything you're pouring through the bond. Can you…will you…?" He felt another flare of fear from Spock. Instinctively, Kirk responded both through the bond, and verbally. "I love you so much. And I want this. I want you. Don't ever think that I don't. You didn't force me into this. I knew exactly what would happen and I wanted it." He shook Spock in a gentle reprimand. "You know this. You saw it in my mind."
The Vulcan's voice was quiet. "Forgive me."
"Nothing to forgive. I'm just sorry we don't have time for each other right now. But according to that other me…" He let out an astonished snort at the idea. "…we're on a tight time schedule and you need to save the ship right now, so let's get to it. And you're the expert in this telepathic relationship so you need to rein it in, Mister." The voice was equal parts determination, tease, and love.
He watched as Spock squared his shoulders, and closed his eyes. Kirk was awed by the mental power in play as shields began to be erected, emotions pulled back, his own mind slowly being freed from the effects of the new bond. He felt an unexpected frisson of fear when the shields grew so strong that he could barely feel Spock's presence. "Not quite so far. I like knowing you're in there."
Kirk could feel Spock's relief at the words. Spock was no more ready than he to be alone in his mind. Ever so slowly, again demonstrating the Vulcan's control, the sensation of the bond grew until it was like a calm blanketing warmth, but without the distraction it had caused before.
Kirk let out a satisfied sigh, and smiled at Spock. "You all right?"
Spock nodded. "I am."
Kirk pointed at the console, catching Spock up on events. "I downloaded your solution to the main computer and navigation. Sulu's been using it to find us our anomaly. I assume you acquainted yourself with it while on the other Enterprise."
"Yes, I found it fascinating."
"I'm glad, because I found it indecipherable." He slapped his hand on the control, and as the door opened he found McCoy staring up at the shuttlecraft, a scowl on his face. Kirk grinned. "No need to call for reinforcements, Bones."
"You sure about that? You were both pretty worked up." McCoy bounced on his toes and shot a challenging glance at the Vulcan. "Especially you."
Spock's affect was calm. "I assure you that I am fully functional."
McCoy's eyes dropped quickly to Spock's groin and he snorted. "Yeah, no doubt about that."
Kirk had followed the exchange and found his own eyes moving to Spock's groin. There was no evidence of desire there now. He found it hard to believe that this was the same man he'd been grappling on the floor with just a few short minutes ago, lost in a fury of lust. Somehow he found the idea of that intensely erotic. He'd had his reserved Vulcan first officer's hands on his butt. He wanted them there again.
Spock moved close and whispered in his ear. "You must try to control your thoughts if you expect me to control mine."
The whispered baritone and soft breath sent a shiver down Kirk's spine. As if in sync, the ship gave a shiver. Kirk wrestled his thoughts immediately back in control. "Spock, do I need you on the bridge to run that solution?"
"No, my presence is not required. The software program will be sufficient."
"Then go to engineering and help Mr. Scott keep those engines together." Kirk felt a sharp flash of regret from Spock that they would be parting. Kirk felt the same way. Later. They'd be together later. There was a short mental caress, and then Spock was heading down the hall toward engineering.
McCoy and Kirk got on the turbolift. Kirk grabbed the control bar. "Bridge." Kirk could feel the doctor's eyes on him. "I’m all right, Bones. Really."
McCoy just humphed.