Title: Heart of Darkness
Author: kira-nerys
Rating: PG
Feedback: kardasi@kardasi.com
Notes: An answer to Isilya's Literary Challenge. And it's also another little snippet in my Harry/Severus snippet arc. Goes rather well with "Holiday Sneer" and "Space In Between", which can both be found here: http://www.kardasi.com/HPSS/hpfic-kira.html
Warning: Character death, and it's not a happy ficlet.
Spoilers: none
Disclaimer: Harry and Snape and all characters from the books belong to JK Rowling.
Question: What lies in the heart of darkness?
Word: tertiary
Taboo word: ghost (used annoying as a verb specifically)
Fandom: Harry Potter.

HEART OF DARKNESS

His hair hung in greasy links around his face, and he was lying on his knees in the mud, the robes falling around him in tatters. Neither of us had seen water nor food for days, and I was so weak I could barely stand. His knuckles were even paler than his face as they clenched around his broken wand. Corpses lay scattered around us, resembling lifeless rocks rather than the bodies of the people we loved. Hermione's auburn hair was smeared with blood and dirt, and her eyes stared sightlessly up at the sky.

I pushed away the pain that clawed inside me at the sight of her. The living were more important now, no matter how much I had cared for Hermione. She was gone, and did not need me. Gasping, trying not to feel anything, trying to cut through the darkness that wanted to swallow me, I fell to my knees next to him.

He lifted his head and met my gaze.

The shining intelligence that was always hidden so well behind cutting remarks, the aristocratic demeanour, and the courage that he fought so hard to hide - everything that was Severus Snape seemed gone at that horrible moment. I suspected that my own eyes were just as empty as his.

There were three stages in this war, I had noticed.

The primary stage was determination, the situation where you were forced to accept what was, and did what you could to make the situation change for the better in any way you could.

The secondary stage was despair, where you realized that no matter what you did, the enemies would keep coming, no matter how hard you fought. There was no end to the evil in this world.

The tertiary stage was defeat, when you realized that even though you had defeated evil, even though Voldemort lay among those rock-like bodies never to return, you couldn't bring back what was. You could never find that safe haven in your soul again where you believed that you could find beauty in this world.

This was what met me in Severus's eyes now. Defeat. Emptiness. The lack of will to go on. I knew this was what lived in my heart as well. Darkness and the lack of hope.

I reached out and put my hand against Severus's pale cheek. His skin was cold as ice against my palm.

Never one to show weakness, and knowing that my simple touch might break us both, I fully expected Severus to pull away from me, but he remained where he was and sighed deeply. Finally, something shifted behind his black eyes.

"It's over," he whispered.

"I know," I replied.

But I knew that it would never be over. The nightmares would haunt me for the rest of my life. I forced myself to my feet and stumbled across the battlefield. Fires burned tiredly and the leafless trees stood out like dark skeletons against the smoky sky. The smell of death and evil curses was rancid, and I fought the bile that rose in my throat.

I fell to my knees next to Hermione and the pain would overwhelm me if I let it, but I wouldn't. Ever. So I leaned down beside her, closing her eyes reverently. She was the bravest woman I had ever known and I knew that I would never forget her. That gave me little comfort.

"Let's go, Harry," Severus said. "We can't stay here. Even if Voldemort is dead, there are still Death Eaters out there who would cheer at the chance of getting their hands on either of us, let alone both, and we're weak and vulnerable."

I knew Severus was right, and yet I hesitated. I didn't want to leave Hermione here.

"She won't mind," Severus whispered. "She would want you to be safe."

His voice was soft and compassionate and I looked up in his face, relieved to see that the emptiness had given way for determination and care. I was relieved because I knew that if Severus gave up, I would not have strength enough to fight for the both of us.

He might not know it, but he was my strength, and he was the one who lifted the darkness in my heart.

END