Dire Wolf
a TOS/RL Challenge story-for Stephen, because he asked so nicely

It was a dark and stormy night.

Actually, it wasn't -- but the Wolf was bored. He leaned back in his chair, scratched lazily behind his ear, and sighed. The latest story was not going well; the characters simply would not cooperate. He was about ready to say fuckit, and go get drunk. But he really wanted this one to work out -- it was the third in a series, and he had high hopes for it.

But not tonight, apparently. He just wasn't getting anywhere.

Finally he shut the computer down, and walked downstairs, planning on heading over to the mini-mart and buying some more beer. But he no sooner got out the door, than he heard a funny whining sound, and everything went black.

When he finally swam back to consciousness, he found himself in his own living room, duct taped to a chair -- and being watched by a human and a Vulcan, both wearing 20th century clothing. The Vulcan was pointing a tricorder at him, while the human kept a phaser turned his way. The Wolf smiled, nervously...

"Ummm.... guys? Can't we all just get along, here?"

The human laughed, scornfully. "Get along? With *you*? Do you have any *idea* what you've done to us? Get along, my ass."

The Vulcan merely raised a sardonic brow, and murmured, "Apparently, it is you, sir, who has problems "getting along", as you so quaintly put it. Certes *we* have never done anything to *you*, to match what you have inflicted on us."

The Wolf was feeling pretty spooked. He had never, in his wildest dreams, expected *this* to happen. "Umm, hey -- you know, it wasn't nothing personal, guys... Honest!! I was just writing some stories, is all. Doesn't anybody write stories, in your time?"

"Indeed they do. However, they manage not to intrude upon others' private lives, while doing so. This... "series" of yours -most unpleasant. It never occurred to you that we have our own existence?"

"Heh, heh, heh... Uh, not really, no. But hey, listen -- didn't I send you guys to the Elysian Baths, on Risa, that one time? Wasn't that fun?"

"It was ...interesting, I will admit. However there is still the matter of your other stories, the ones in the series. I must insist that you stop it at once. The Captain and I have duties to perform, we do not have time to go chasing about the galaxy on some wild whim of yours." "You tell him, Spock. Now listen, you -- I hereby order you, in the name of the United Federation of Planets, to cease and desist, at once. Find someone else to write about -- do I make myself clear?"

"Uh.... yeah... But there's a problem, guys..."

The human sighed. "Of course. There always is, with you. What problem?"

"Well, you see, there's this other story, you know? And uh, it's going to appear in a printzine, pretty soon. And, uh, well,it's kind of gnarly, you know? I didn't mean nothin' by it -- I just wanted to tell it, see? So, ah, until this one dies down, I think you guys are going to be kind of, well, um, *busy*, you know?"

As he said that, his two captors went transparent for a moment, before solidifying again. "Spock? What the hell was that?"

Another sigh, from the Vulcan. "It appears, Captain, that this disreputable individual is correct... We are about to be taken from here."

"Shit. Just what we *don't* need." He slapped his phaser back onto his hip. "Well, I guess that's it."

"Ummm -- guys? Could ya untie me, here, before ya go?"

One raised Vulcan eyebrow. "No. I don't think so. I believe that you are best left exactly as you are. Perhaps then we shall have a little peace for a while." They flickered again, and began a slow dissolve...

"Greywolf?"

"Yes, Captain?"

"Enjoy yourself. I *might* come back and let you out, after a while. Depends on how badly you piss me off, this time. In the meantime, sleep tight." He grinned, like an evil Cheshire cat -- then there was a puff of sparkles and smoke -- and they were gone.

The Wolf strained at the duct tape, wiggling, pulling off a goodly portion of his fur in the process -- and got absolutely nowhere.

"Ahhh, *shit*. I *hate* when this happens!" Then something occurred to him, and he whistled in relief. "Geez. I guess it's a good thing I *didn't* write that Q story..."



-----///-----



Greywolf the Wanderer, *still* pickin' friggin' duct tape outta his fur!