In Purgatory’s Shadow
By La Chatte Noire
Rated: NC17
Dedicated to everyone who ever wrote Lex as being able to turn off his mind while under pleasure. You inspired this oddity.
Summary: Sometimes, Lex thinks too much.
Note: * * denotes thoughts

IN PURGATORY'S SHADOW

-----

Clark slid his hand up Lex’s thigh as they ravished each other on Lex’s bed. Clark rested his hand on Lex’s hip for a moment before undoing the fly and stroking the hardness he found there through the silk boxers.

Lex groaned as he held onto Clark for dear life, flannel stretching in his hands and--

*If the fabric had been sewn with the grain instead of at an angle, it wouldn’t be stretching in such an uneven way.*

Lex tensed and his cock softened for a moment. He sighed and fell back into reality.

Clark looked concerned. “Is everything alright Lex?”

Lex answered with a kiss. They continued their exploration of each other, Clark reaching his hand under Lex’s boxers and Lex running his hands under Clark’s shirt. They broke the kiss and looked into each other’s eyes. Lex started to pull Clark’s shirt over his head while staring into--

*I wonder if Gabe got my message about the quarterly profits. At this rate I’ll be able to begin actually building my empire in 6 months.*

Lex dropped his head back onto the pillow with a groan of frustration.

Clark sat back. “Lex, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong, Clark. It’s just been awhile.”

Clark nodded, unsure yet trusting. He lowered himself back onto Lex and pushed up the older man’s dress shirt. He nuzzled Lex’s navel, dipped his tongue into it as Lex gasped and writhed. Lex tried again to pull Clark’s shirt off. He tossed the flannel aside and growled at the white undershirt in its place. Clark gave Lex a look and sat up. He made short work of the undershirt and laid back down onto Lex, bringing their stomachs skin-to-skin. Lex pushed Clark back a little and started on the buttons of his shirt. He pulled the silk off and dropped it off the side of the--

*The oddest planetary couple in the solar system is Pluto, with its moon Charon being over one third the size of the parent planet. Forever frozen with their faces locked together, they resemble a dancing couple as they careen across the--*

Lex fell back onto the bed with an “Arrgh” and an arm laid across his eyes.

Clark crawled back and looked at Lex with a mixture of confusion, despair, and lust. “Lex, am I doing something wrong? What’s wrong?”

Lex looked out from under his arm at Clark. “It’s not your fault, Clark. I’m sorry, but I, I just can’t.”

Clark’s shoulders fell. “I’ll go then. I’m sorry I tried to…I wanted to…”

Lex bolted up and grabbed Clark by the arm. “Clark, I, this isn’t your fault. I want you, I really do, but I just…” He sighed. “I’m sorry, Clark. I can’t.”

Clark wrenched his arm away from Lex. His eyes glowed a bright green. He got up and began pacing the room. “Why? Is it my father? Is it your father? Are we back to the same fucking arguments we’ve been having since this began? I thought we decided to ignore them all. Now you’re changing your mind?”

Lex looked down, ashamed. “No, Clark. This doesn’t have anything to do with them.”

“Then what is the problem?! Is it me?”

Lex’s eyes shot up. “No, Clark, this has nothing to do with you. This isn’t your fault. Hell, the fact that we got so far proves that it’s not your fault. It’s just, I can’t do this.”

Reason broke through into Clark’s mind. “Lex, what’s wrong? Tell me.”

“You don’t want to know, Clark.” Lex looked down again. “There’s nothing you can do.”

Clark sat down next to Lex. “Try me.”

Lex sighed. “I have this problem. It happens whenever I try to concentrate or quiet my mind or even have sex. It happens without fail unless I try to stop it with drugs. That’s why I was such an addict in my teens; I was trying to stop this from happening. But it did, oh it did. I couldn’t stop it. Oh, I’m so sorry Clark, but I can’t. Not while this is happening to me.”

Clark wrapped his arms around Lex. “I’m sorry, Lex. I wish there was something I could do.” He paused. “Without the use of drugs.”

Lex shook his head. “There’s nothing you can do, Clark. I accepted this as my due, as compensation for my mind, before I came to Smallville. There’s nothing you or anyone can do.”

“At least tell me what the problem is.”

Lex pulled away. “No, Clark, I, I don’t want you to know. Not even my father knows. Nobody knows.”

Clark sat back and nodded. “I understand. You need to keep it a secret.” He got up. “But remember this, Lex. Not even my secrets are tearing us apart.”

“Clark--”

Clark paused in the doorway. “What?”

“You want to know, fine. But if you laugh I swear I will destroy you.”

Clark turned around. “I’m listening.”

Lex opened his mouth. No words came. He tried again, creating a little meaningless sound. He bowed his head.

Clark came back to the bed and sat down next to Lex. He wrapped Lex in his arms and held him. “I’m sorry, Lex. I don’t know why I did that. I don’t need to know your problem. We can love each other without sex. Shh, it’s ok.” He murmured nonsense words into Lex’s ear as the older man slowly relaxed.

“I think too much,” Lex whispered.

Clark stroked Lex’s head. “That you do. Often. Are you alright?”

Lex looked up into Clark’s eyes. “No, Clark, that’s my problem. I think too much.”

“How is that a problem?”

Lex sat back a little. “Clark, have you ever masturbated?”

Clark shrugged. “Sure, everyone has.”

Lex shook his head. “I don’t. I can’t. Not because of any physical problem, but I just can’t convince myself that my hands are someone else, that I’m not doing this to myself solely to bring myself off. And there’s nothing I can do, not even drugs, that can convince myself otherwise.”

“But, how does that affect sex? Wouldn’t you be easier than most because you can’t bring yourself off?”

“No, Clark. The very thing that makes masturbation impossible makes sex that much harder. I still can’t lose myself in sensation because my mind keeps popping up with the strangest thoughts. Have you ever tried to have sex while thinking of your parents?”

Clark cringed away, the look of horrified disgust worn by every child when thinking of their parents that way.

“See? Thoughts of my father will pop up, thoughts of business, even stupid trivia. Other than the drugs, there’s nothing I can do to stop it.”

“You do think too much.” Clark paused. “I wish there was something I could do to help.”

Lex held his hand. “You are helping. You’re not laughing, even though it is a stupid problem.”

“It’s not stupid, Lex. It must hurt you so for it to be this bad.”

“Being a genius isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Not when I have to watch everyone around me doing everyday things, loving each other, enjoying life, being human. I can never do those things. I can’t stop thinking long enough for it to happen.”

Clark pulled Lex close and held him through his funk. As he stroked Lex’s back, he had an idea. “Lex, how did you have sex with Victoria? I know it happened, so how did you do it?”

“I followed an English mother’s advice. I laid back and thought of England.”

“What?”

Lex grinned wryly. “I let my mind go. My body went through the motions, but I was letting my mind run free and think of everything and anything it wanted. I think that when I came, if I even did cum, I was going over the rules of Jai Ali.” He paused. “I don’t want to do that with you, Clark. I don’t even want to just go through the motions with you. I want it, I need it to be real between us.”

Clark sat back, eyes shining. “Oh, Lex, I’m touched. You’re willing to go through all this, for me?”

“Yes Clark, I am.” He paused. “Any and all suggestions would be useful.”

-----

Lex was laid naked on his bed, legs spread wide as Clark thrusted into him. Lex had his eyes open, yet they were glazed over with the power of internal thought. Clark ran his hands over Lex’s chest, head tilted back as he tried to keep the rhythm.

“What are you thinking?” Clark shouted.

Lex gasped then shouted out the strangest thing. “When the case fan of a laptop computer wears out, the computer runs hot enough to cause second degree burns.”

Clark gave a strangled cry, the rhythm faltering as he tried to stop himself from speeding up. “What are you thinking?”

“Last year, Santa Cruz replaced Berkley as the most liberal of the University of California campuses.”

Clark slammed into Lex once before reigning himself back. “What are you thinking?”

“In the 1500s, eunuchs were so revered by the opera that parents would often force their only sons into having his balls removed by painful and dangerous farming accidents so he might have a chance to reap the rewards of a life of singing.”

Clark thrusted erratically and came so hard it felt as though his own balls were being removed. He sagged forward and held out a hand to steady himself. He opened his eyes. “You came, Lex.”

Lex blinked. “Yeah. I know. I felt it.” He looked at Clark. “May I say that that was the weirdest thing I have ever done?”

Clark smirked a little bit. “That I somehow doubt, Lex. We’re in Smallville.”

Lex swatted him on the shoulder. “That’s not what I mean, farmboy. That was the weirdest sex I have ever had.”

“Weird, was I?”

Lex gave him a look. “That’s not what I meant and you know it. I’ve never had sex with someone actually wanting to know what I was thinking. It was different. I kinda liked it.”

Clark grinned. “So did I.” He paused. “So, you’re ok with this?”

Lex placed a hand on Clark’s thigh. “Yes, Clark, I’m ok with this. Maybe for the first time in my life I’m ok with this.”

Clark gave him a lusty gaze. “So how does it feel?”

Lex laid back and drew Clark down with him. “How does what feel?”

“You know, being able to have sex with a semblance of normality.” Clark stroked Lex lightly along the chest.

Lex wrapped his arms around Clark. “I had no idea displaying my weirdest thoughts could be considered normal.”

Clark swatted him lightly. “Smartass.”

Lex drew Clark up and kissed him. Clark moaned into the kiss as he felt his cock begin to twitch into life again. Lex gripped Clark’s shoulders and tilted his head for better access so the teenager could ravage him better. Lex nudged a thigh between Clark’s legs and began to rub--

*The zinc casing of a typical dry cell battery acts as the anode for the redox reaction within the battery. In the rare instance a battery runs out of anode material before the reaction is complete, the battery will leak, releasing a paste of zinc hydroxide into the device.*

Lex mentally rolled his eyes. He ignored his mind and continued kissing Clark until they both broke for air. “Already want more?”

Clark grinned. “You don’t masturbate. You have a lot to make up for.”

Lex held Clark close. “Thank you, Clark. Thank you for making this hell bearable.”

“It’s my pleasure, Lex.”

*One of the most powerful antiseptics in the natural world is the saliva of the wolf. It evolved out of necessity as the wolf is known for burying its leftovers and coming back to them during lean times later, many times months later.*

Lex gave Clark a look. “You want to hear some stupid trivia?”

End