Title Invasive Procedures
Author: Liz Camp
Summary One day, at work...
Challenge: Clex Fest, Wave 6
Rating PG
Disclaimer: As long as Lana gets dumped, I dont care who owns them, but it isn't me.
Beta
Feedback address missythang@sbcglobal.net
 

INVASIVE PROCEDURES

The roses came on Tuesday.

They were strange,  sitting there on Clark’s desk at work, oddly dignified despite their color. Purple…dark purple. A purple just one shade lighter than black. Midnight purple…was that a color? If it wasn’t, he’d bet crayola would make it one in the near future.

 If the flowers were strange, the vase they came in was downright weird, a porcelain bust of Dr Spock, one of the few characters Clark actually recognized from the original Star Trek.

 Only…Dr. Spock had flowers growing out of his head. Purple flowers. It made him seem…less dignified somehow. Like a twisted romantic version of chia Spock, just add water and watch the ears…err…roses grow.

 There was no card attached to the rather…unusual…arrangement, and Clark couldn’t for the life of him figure out who sent them.

He kept them on his desk though, much to the newsroom’s amusement.

---

On Wednesday, it was chocolates. In a box that was shaped like Marvin the Martian. Clark shrugged inwardly, and passed them around to grateful

co-workers.

---

Thursday, there was a life-sized stuffed Ewok sitting in his chair. When he approached it, it growled at him. Loudly.

He was starting to get funny looks from Lois.

---

Friday, Clark was relieved to sit down at his completely normal, gift-free desk and work on a piece about Luthercorp fundraising. After Lex took over the company, he’d made an effort to change it’s image and it actually appeared to be working.

There was a press conference in less than a week, and Perry had ordered Clark and Lois to cover it. Lois had protested heavily at that, ranting openly to everyone who would listen: “I’m a serious journalist, dammit, why should I have to drop everything every time Luthor calls a conference?”

Clark really didn’t mind, he liked press conferences. And seeing Lex again, even from across the room, would be nice.

After work, Clark followed Lois down to the Planet’s garage, to discover his car covered in superhero decals; Spiderman and The Hulk and were lounging on the side windows, with Batman and the Green Lantern watching them. He-Man mingled with Goku and Vegeta on his trunk, and the entire roof of the car was covered with one giant Warrior Angel decal.

Clark couldn’t imagine who would go to the trouble of…decaling his car, no matter how many times Lois asked him. Lois just gave him a withering stare when he shrugged. Well, at least it covered the paint discoloration.

---

It was Saturday, and Clark’s weekend was looking up. No strange gifts, no coworkers around to witness any strange gifts; life was good.

Until Lois demanded his assistance on her latest ‘information gathering’ (Clark preferred the term snooping…but who was he to call a spade a spade?) near one of LutherCorp’s many, many warehouses. 

After dumpster diving for several hours, while Lois was on the lookout for security, and not incidentally her new suede shoes, Clark had come home, tired and really looking forward to a nice, long shower.

Only to discover the mad gift-giver had broken into his apartment and left yet another present on his bed. A suit. More specifically, a suit that was nearly identical to what he was wearing, sans garbage. Clark was beginning to get a little creeped out.

Well, at least this last gift was useful.

He resolved to change the locks in the morning.

---

In the morning, Clark opened his door to retrieve the Sunday Daily Planet, only to find a gift basket sitting on his welcome mat. He put the basket on his kitchen table, and stared at it with dread. He really shouldn’t open it…

So on Sunday, he opened his gift to reveal…a new high security door and window lock set. He supposed it was better than the stuffed Ewok, who was staring balefully at him from the chair across the kitchen table. It growled when he got up. Clark growled back.

---

Monday was a normal day, if you ignored the whispered conversations of Clark’s co-workers. It seemed everyone was talking about Clark’s mysterious admirer. Clark walked through the newsroom, face burning from overheard debates on why someone would go to so much trouble. Most of the conversations seemed to focus on his more…physical qualities.

Perry poked his head out of his office and glared at Clark. “Kent! In here, now!” Clark flinched, you couldn’t say his boss was anything but direct. He slowly made his way through the newsroom and into Perry’s office, grateful that the door shut out most of the stares and whispers.

“You, uh…wanted to see me sir?” Clark give his frowning boss a weak little smile.

“Kent, you’re new here, and you’re a decent reporter, so I’m going to cut you a little slack.” Perry paused, sipping coffee out of a large mug on his desk. Clark frowned, looking at a small wrapped present on Perry’s desk. The wrapping paper was white, with little purple hearts on it.

Perry cleared his throat, directing Clark’s attention back to his boss. “Now, I’m not a patient man, but I believe I’ve shown a great deal of patience this last week, but I’ve reached my limit. These gifts have to stop; the whole thing has my newsroom in an uproar.”

“Is that…?” Clark pointed to the small box on the desk.

“Yours!” Perry snapped. “This ends now Kent. I can’t afford to have my reporters gossiping over some inter-office romance.”

“Office romance, sir?”

“Someone’s getting inside the Planet to deliver these things, and that’s not easy. You better hope that it’s an inter-office thing or…”

Clark interrupted Perry mid-threat. “What can I do sir? I have no idea where these are coming from.” Perry glared at Clark.

“You’re an investigative reporter, Kent…go investigate! Now take your gift, get out of my office, and send Lois in. You’re both on Luthor detail until further notice. He’s called a press conference Wednesday and no one knows why. But that’s not important to you…until you find out where these come from.” Perry picked up the little box, thrust it into Clark’s hands, and practically pushed him out of the office. “Don’t come back until this secret admirer crap has been worked out, Kent. And Good Luck.” 

Clark sighed…who knew having an admirer would be so stressful?

As Clark passed Lois’ desk on his way out of the building, he told his partner Perry needed to see her. Lois, on the phone with yet another snitch, rolled her eyes dramatically,  and mouthed ‘see you later’ shooing him away with her well manicured hands. So Clark headed down to the garage, and his newly colorful car, to open the latest little present, and think hard on who could be possibly be this obsessed with giving him presents.

As Clark sat in his car, unwrapping the little box, his cell phone rang. He dug around under the passenger seat until he found that damn thing (and why did they keep getting smaller, anyway?) and flipped it open.

“Clark Kent here.”

“Honey?” Clark smiled.

“Mom! Hey…how’s the farm?”

“Oh…good. Good. So…” His mother sounded hesitant…which was rare.

“Something wrong? Is Dad okay?” Clark asked, worried.

“Oh, no dear. Nothing’s wrong. I just…are you seeing anyone Clark?”

“Huh?” That came out of nowhere. “No…why?”

“Well,” his mother started, sounding a bit upset, “we’ve been some odd things in the mail here. Flowers…addressed to Clark Kent’s mother…several ‘Thank You for raising a wonderful son cards’. Things like that.”

“Huh. Are any of them signed?”

“Well…no. It’s the strangest thing though, I recognize the handwriting…I just cant seem to remember who it belongs to.”

“Okay.” Clark frowned, deep in thought. His admirer had to be someone his Mother knew. That left out a lot of people…including everyone he worked with. “Well…I do have someone who keeps sending me presents at work.” Speaking of presents…Clark picked up his gift, wedging the phone against his shoulder as he unwrapped it.

“Oh, honey…a secret admirer, how romantic! Do you know who it is?” Clark could almost feel her curiousity seeping through the phone, as he opened the little jewelry box in his hands.. He stared at the contents, stunned.

“…lark? Clark? Are you there? Did we get cut off? Those new cell phones are just so unreliable, I swear.

“What? Oh, sorry Mom. I’m going to have to call you back in a couple days…I think I just figured it out. Love you…bye.” Clark hung up on his mother’s goodbye, dropped the phone, and smiled at his present.

---

Tuesday came around again, this time uneventful. No gifts were found anywhere at home, or at work, but this time Clark knew why. His admirer was too busy for gift-giving today. And really…his last present had said it all.

He ignored the speculation in the newsroom, helped Lois get her list of questions prepared for the press conference, and went home.

It was the most nerve-wracking day of his life.

---

And then it was Wednesday. Clark got up early, dressed in his best suit, ate his breakfast, and headed out to Luthercorp Plaza.

It hadn’t changed much, even with Lex’s influence. Still cold steel architecture, strong and imposing. It really reminded Clark more of Lionel than his son, but since this really was Lionel’s building first, Clark could understand why it held that man’s memory  everywhere he looked.

Clark spotted Lois, front row center, looking as impatient as ever. He brushed by people, saying ‘Excuse me’ and ‘Sorry’ every few feet, until he reached the empty seat next to his partner.

“So, anything happened yet?” Clark asked, surveying the temporary stage. Lois frowned at her coffee.

“Nothing yet. Baby Luthor hasn’t even shown up yet…and he’s scheduled to speak in five minutes. Why are you so late anyway? I had to threaten to castrate five reporters, one of them female, to save you a seat.

“And I really appreciate it.” Clark smiled at Lois, and she rolled her eyes. “I had a hard time figuring out what to wear.”

“You sound like me.” Lois laughed. “The trick is to get up an hour earlier than you think you should.”

“I did.” Clark mumbled to himself, scanning the stage with his x-ray vision. Ah, Lex was right off stage, where no one else could see him. He looked nervous. He didn’t have to be.

At exactly 8 am, Lex strolled onstage, all traces of behind the scenes jitters gone. He stared commandingly at the sea of reporters. If his eyes settled on Clark for a moment too long, no one else had noticed. Lex took a deep breathe, and spoke.

“Citizens of Metropolis, of the United States…I stand here today to inform the world of two things. I will take no questions, and I will make no other statements.” Lex sternly eyed the sea of reporters in front of him. “First, as of today, I wish to inform Metropolis that I am no longer in the running for the Senate.” As the sound of the reporter’s questions died down, Clark was surprised to find Lex focused entirely on him.

“And, second…I would like to ask Clark Kent, of the Daily Planet, to be my date at tonight’s Luthercorp charity ball. Thank you, that is all.” Lex ignored the near riot-level noise of every reporter shouting at once (except Lois, who was staring at Clark like he’d just started frying people with his laser vision), and trained his attention on Clark.

And, with everyone shouting and jostling each other for a better position, with Lois staring at him like she didn’t know who he was, and under the heavy weight of Lex’s questioning eyes, Clark smiled.

He slowly raised his right hand, sun glinting off Alexander the Great’s family crest on the golden ring on his finger, and showed Lex his last gift had been understood, and accepted.

END