Title: Clark Kent - Prince of Spandex
Author: Cassandra
Email: zinelady@hotmail.com
Rating: PG
Spoilers: none
Category: humor
Summary: Clark is in a tight situation
Betas: Thanks to Ellen and Janice
Disclaimer: Clark and Lex don't belong to me. Any similarities
between this story and real events are purely coincidental. The
names have been changed to protect the not-so-innocent.
Note: Part of the ClexFest Seventh Wave - First Line Challenge which
can be found at http://www.kardasi.com/Lexclusive/ClexFest/6/7.htm



Clark Kent - Prince of Spandex

By Cassandra

"Spandex? I'll kill myself before I ever wear spandex," Clark huffed.

"Come on, Clark," Lex coaxed, standing outside the door wearing his
protective white fencing outfit. He and Clark were supposed to be
practicing today, but now Lex couldn't get him out of the bathroom
off the fencing room. "Surely it can't be that bad. Come out."

"What do you mean, it can't be that bad?" Lex heard Clark's
incredulous tone through the closed door. "Have you seen the
costume?"

"No, I haven't," Lex answered patiently. "You haven't come out yet.
Some of us can't see through solid wood, you know." Clark had
finally told him his secret of his powers. The resultant release of
tension in their relationship had made their friendship even closer,
and a few months ago they had taken the step from being just friends
to lovers. So far though, they had kept their relationship a secret,
even from Clark's closest friends.

"Leexxxx," Clark whined. "You've got to promise not to laugh."

"I promise," Lex said, crossing his fingers behind his back.

"Hey!" Clark exclaimed. "No fair crossing your fingers. I'm not
coming out."

Lex raised both hands in surrender. "I'm sorry, Clark. I promise,
but if I get a hernia from trying not to laugh, you'll have to super
speed me to the hospital."

"I'm so going to kill Chloe when I get my hands on her," Clark
muttered threateningly.

"Come on out, Clark," Lex encouraged. "You're going to have to,
eventually. We need to do our sword lesson. You're going to need
it."

Lex's eyes got wide, but he had no desire to laugh as Clark
reluctantly slithered out the door. Lex's mouth was suddenly dry and
he tried to swallow, but he felt like he had a lump in his throat.
Clark was standing there in the traditional costume of one of Robin
Hood's Merry Men, holding a feathered cap in his hand. Lex wasn't
sure if they had given Clark the wrong size or whether it was
supposed to leave nothing to the imagination, but he could see why
Clark was mortified.

"This was the biggest size they had," Clark complaining, tugging on
the hem. Lex could have told him not to bother, there was no way
that doublet was going to cover even a portion of Clark's ample
assets.

"This tunic is too short, it doesn't cover anything," Clark
whined. "And these tights are so tight; I'm not going to be able to
wear underwear. I can't go out in public like this! Sheriff Adams
will probably arrest me for indecent exposure."

"They are called doublets and hose," Lex said, unable to take his
eyes off the spectacle of Clark in the skin-tight spandex. "You
could wear a thong underneath it, it wouldn't show any lines." Lex
wondered if Clark would accept an early birthday present from him.
He could think of several shops that would have just the right
garment.

"It's all Chloe's fault!" Clark said. "She's the one that talked me
into trying out for the school play. 'It's rigged, Clark,' Clark
mimicked. 'I need you to try out, there's no way you will get the
part, but I need an insider's view. Ms. Jivens always chooses the
same people to do her plays. I've had some complaints from several
other students who have tried out and never get a part.' So what
happens? I try out and I immediately get a part. I haven't even
acted before."

Lex didn't know who Ms. Jivens was, but could understand why anyone
with good eyesight would be salivating to get the young man on stage
in skin-tight hose. He doubted that it would make much difference
if he could act or not. He was eye candy, pure and simple. And,
man, was he pretty. Lex was glad he wasn't wearing spandex himself,
or Clark would know the affect his displayed body had on his friend.
All he could think about was peeling Clark out of the skin- tight
clothes.

"What did you say character's name is again?" Lex asked, trying to
distract himself from the tempting picture in front of him. "I know
you said you were one of the merry men."

"Alan-a-Dale," Clark mumbled.

"Oh, the troubadour," Lex said. "I don't think I've ever heard you
sing."

"That's because I CAN'T sing!" Clark exclaimed.

"Can you play the mandolin?" Lex asked.

"What's that?" Clark asked. "Like a guitar? I can strum a couple of
chords. Dad showed me."

"There's probably one around here somewhere," Lex said. "If not, we
can order one. First, though, you need to practice your swordplay."
Lex lifted Clark's foil from the rack and tossed it to him, before
picking up his mesh fencing mask. He put the mask on his head and
retrieved his own foil before striking the on guard pose, waiting for
Clark to mirror him. Lex looked him over, making sure his feet were
at right angles and that his knees were equally bent.

"Raise your right arm a bit and relax your shoulders more," Lex
corrected as they started the basic introductory movements. "Yes,
that's good. Remember to keep your weight between both feet as you
move back and forth and keep your head still and central so you don't
lose your balance."

"Now, attack," Lex ordered and watched as Clark lunged toward him.
He evaded it easily and said, "Make sure your sword and hand precede
your foot. Try it again. Yes, that's right. And again." Over and
over, Lex made Clark practice the move until he felt like the boy
could do it in his sleep.

"That's enough, Clark," Lex said, lifting off his mask and running an
arm to wipe away the sweat on his forehead. "I think you have that
one down. We'll work on the next move tomorrow. How does the
costume feel now? Do you feel a little more comfortable?"

Clark looked down at himself, surprised. Lex could tell that he had
forgotten he was even wearing the spandex.

"It's still embarrassing," Clark mumbled. "But I guess it feels
okay. I guess I better go change before I get it dirty. God forbid
I have to wash it before the play. It might shrink more!" His eyes
were so wide that Lex burst out laughing.

Attempting to control himself and failing miserably, Lex gasped
out, "I'm sorry, Clark. It was just the appalled expression on your
face. You looked like Mrs. Dorsey does everytime I pull out of my
parking space in front of the Talon."

"Well," Clark said, sharing Lex's amusement and chuckling. "If you
didn't leave a trail of rubber from your tires every time, maybe she
wouldn't look so scandalized."

Lex grinned in acknowledgement of Clark's admonishment, but they both
knew that wouldn't keep him from giving the old woman something to be
scandalized about.

"So," Lex drawled, finally allowing a touch of lechery into his
tone. "Do you need any help getting out of that costume?"

Clark automatically started to decline, but then seemed to realize
what Lex was offering.

"Ahh," Clark said. "It might be a good idea. It's really very
*tight*. It might be really *hard* to peel out of this get up. You
wouldn't believe the *pressure* I had to use to pull these *tights*
on."

"Hose," Lex corrected, smirking. "Then, by all means, let me help."
He bowed and waved Clark in front of him, watching every movement of
the beautiful ass in the tight spandex as they went into the large
bathroom/changing room. As he closed and locked the door behind
them, he made a mental note to thank Chloe for talking Clark into
helping with the school play. He wondered if she would want a white
or a red convertible for her birthday?

The End