Title: Elusive Memories
Series: 1st in the Memories Universe (if this becomes a series)

Author: Artemis
E-mail: ArtemisRaine@hotmail.com
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Lex/Clark unrequited, Lex/Bruce past
Classification: Drama. Romance.
Disclaimers: I don't own the pretty boys or their friends in the
Smallville or Gotham universe. If I did, the CLex would be riftless
and eternally in love. Neither money nor profits were made in the
creation or posting of this story, and I have no money anyway.
Spoilers: Season 1; Season 2; first half of Season 3.

Summary: Lex was betrayed by Clark in a moment that would change the
paths of Lex Luthor and Clark Kent forever, shattering the destiny of
friendship Lex had once promised. After Belle Reve, Clark and
Superman had to live with those consequences, but they, as well as
Lionel, forgot one thing. No one should ever underestimate Lex
Luthor.

Challenge: CLex Fest Wave 7: The First Line… Lex could still pinpoint
the exact second that Clark broke his heart.

Warnings: Same Sex (MALE/MALE) relationship. If this turns you off
or offends, go back now.

Author's Notes: MINOR SPOILERS AHEAD. DO NOT READ IF YOU WANT TO
READ THE STORY UNSPOILED. I am unsure if I will write a sequel to
this, or possibly a trilogy. I have a few ideas where I would take
this, with Superman or Clark coming into the next story. However, I
have a lot of stories I'm currently working on, as well as outlined
on paper or in my mind. I think this does work well as a Stand
Alone. Should anyone really like it and would like to read more,
please feel free to write me. Feedback is always nice, and if people
really like this future universe I've spun, I'll delve more into it.
On a side note, this story was inspired by the folks over at the
Smallville Slashdom archive. A few authors have been playing with
the idea of Lex going insane by his mutation, thus creating the
rift. In my mind, I think Lex would kill himself first, or lock
himself away in his own lab, before allowing himself to hurt Clark or
before allowing himself to become a monster. This is my spin on how
I think Lex would act. Thanks to my beta Rogue. January 2004.


***

Elusive Memories

Lex could still pinpoint the exact second that Clark broke his heart.

It was the day he'd betrayed him for the last time. The betrayal
that had set his life spinning onto a path that couldn't be avoided.
The betrayal that had pushed him into a destiny he hadn't chosen and
one he wouldn't have wanted.

It was the day that Alexander J. Luthor died, and the son of Lionel
Luthor was born: Lex Luthor the Puppet. Lex Luthor the Villian.

Lex Luthor the Mad.

It was the exact second Clark Kent turned around and disappeared,
using his speed to run away. Using his speed to leave Lex to
Lionel's tender mercies. Daddy dearest who made Mommy dearest with
her wire hangers seem like the Mother Theresa.

To be locked in a cage, drugged and tortured, all for the end result
of wiping out all of his memories and planting a new personality with
false ones. A personality of Lionel's choosing.

After all, he was the heir, and if he wouldn't fall into line and
become the person Lionel needed, then Lionel Luthor used his power
and money to make sure that Lex was molded into that person.

And Clark allowed it to happen.

Yes, he knew the exact second that Clark had broken his heart.

After all, it was the first real memory that he'd recovered.

Not the love he had felt, the joy of being near Clark, or the hope he
had known just by having met an extraordinary man-child on a
riverbank. Not moss green eyes, raven hair, or a smile that shone
brighter than sun. A smile that felt like sunbeams dancing on his
soul.

No, the first real memory was of a man running away, a man whose
features he couldn't quite see, and feeling his heart breaking as the
memory played out.

Who knew the back of Clark Kent would be more memorable than his
front?

"Luthor, what the hell is this about? You're the one who called this
meeting, and despite the fact that I've refused numerous times in the
past to work with LuthorCorp, I've agreed to give you thirty
minutes. And you've just wasted five of them."

Lex turned around, leaving his view of the skyline of Metropolis, and
barely held back a smile at the impatience and irritation in Bruce
Wayne's voice.

God, he'd missed Bruce.

Or at least, he'd missed him since he'd remembered him.

And memories were so damn fleeting, so hard to retain and hold onto.

Lex waved careless at the window with his right hand, sitting down in
his chair across from Bruce, and murmured, "Did you know my father
gave me this office after my release from Belle Reve? He said it was
for the view, so I would always know my place and my inheritance, so
I would be reminded of the empire that would one day be passed onto
me."

Lex chuckled at the shock that appeared on Bruce's face. "Let me
guess, you're surprised I mentioned the B-word."

Bruce's dark blue eyes narrowed, his lips tightening in a
grimace. "I don't know what game you're playing, but I---"

"Ah," Lex broke in, cutting off Bruce's rather sadly predictable
threat. Superheroes really were boring that way. "Please, save the
theatrics, Bruce. I get enough of it from Superman. I really don't
need it from Batman as well."

Bruce exploded out of his chair, hands slamming down on the desk in
front of him. "I don't know what the fuck you think you're doing,
Luthor, but you're mistaken. If this is some sort of game to flush
out Batman, keep me the hell out of it! I'd think you have enough on
your plate with Superman dodging your every step."

Lex just raised his eyebrows, looking at Bruce calmly, until the
agitated man finally sat down a few moments later, glaring at him
fiercely. He reached over, pressing a button under his desk, and
metal sheets slid down silently over the windows. Another button
turned on the lights. Illuminated the dark.

How appropriate.

"A precaution," Lex said casually. "I doubt his Holiness is flying
around stalking me at the moment, but as you said, I have business
I'd like to conduct with you and I'd rather it remain between the two
of us."

The walls of his office had sheets of lead imbedded in them, the
office was checked twice daily for bugs, and with the sheeted lead
blinders over the window, he was confident as he could be that
nothing would leave the room.

Lex raised his hand, cutting off whatever Bruce was about to say,
completely serious for the first time since Bruce walked into his
office. "I remember, Bruce."

Bruce looked at him blankly, the businessman obviously trying to work
out what that statement meant, before a calculating look entered
those cobalt blue eyes.

God, those eyes. As blue as the ocean, and Bruce had been the first
person he'd ever had a crush on. He still remembered meeting Bruce
for the first time when he'd just turned five, a playdate arranged
between their mothers, and he'd looked into Bruce's eyes and had
fallen in love. Poor Bruce had been all of eight, and he'd had an
annoying five-year-old trail after him all day like a shadow. It had
set the pattern for every playdate afterwards.

Bruce's mother and father had died five months later.

He could still smell the rain in the air as they stood in the
cemetery, black umbrellas up in the air like dark, bowed poppies.
He'd looked over at a silent and somber Bruce, and he knew he'd
remember until the day he died how cold Bruce had looked. His face
white, like all the color and life had been leached out of him,
except for those magnificent eyes. No tears had fallen, no smile
like those he'd seen five months prior, and so cold and silent that
Lex had gone over to hold his hand.

His father had yelled at him on the way back to Metropolis on the
LuthorCorp private jet.

"I still remember holding your hand that day, the raindrops trickling
down our faces and necks, and how tense you got every time someone
came over to tell you how sorry they were."

It took a few seconds for Bruce to take that in, to realize what they
were talking about, and his face grew dark and furious. "Don't you
dare bring them into this."

"Don't, Bruce," Lex said, standing up and making his way to the other
side of the massive desk. He quickly and gracefully went down on his
knees, grabbing onto Bruce's right hand with both of his. "Do you
remember how I sat like this, at your side, clutching your hand once
we got back to the mansion? That stupid wake taking place, as if it
was supposed to do anything but upset you, and I held onto you and
watched as you stared out mutely at all the interlopers in your home."

Bruce tried to yank his hand away, but Lex held on. Mutant strength
was good for something, even if it paled in comparison to alien
strength.

He continued on, his voice low and hypnotic. He looked directly into
those impossibly blue eyes and willed Bruce to follow the
memory. "Do you remember how you finally got away from me, and I
found you hiding under one of the tables? I tugged your arm and
asked you to follow me. And we ran out into the storm, behind the
house and into the woods. I just wanted to get you away from all
those people because they were hurting you just by being there,
reminding you that you were alone. But I fell into a hole, and I was
scared and started to cry."

Blue eyes looked into his intently, piercing and sharp. Reluctantly,
Bruce's low baritone broke out. "I was scared, too. You'd just
disappeared, falling so fast I hadn't know what had happened to you.
You were my responsibility. Mama always said so. And you were just
gone. If you hadn't started crying, I might not have found the hole
where the ground had collapsed. You kept crying out for me, and I
could hear the tears in your voice as much as the faith that I'd find
you."

Lex smiled faintly. "Because I knew you would. And I waited when
you told me, and I curled up into a ball because I'd always been a
little scared of the dark. After what felt like forever, the sound
of rain stopped and moonlight started filtering in from that hole. I
got up, and that's when I heard something moving towards me. Things
started flying at me, all through the air, and I was screaming, and
then you were there."

"I tried to get back as fast as I could, but I needed to get rope
from the gardener's shed. I was making my way down when you started
screaming and sobbing. I got down as soon as I could, and I put my
hand on your shoulder." Bruce paused, and when he continued, his
voice was troubled. Soft. "You were trembling. I could see the
dirt and tear tracks on your cheeks in the moonlight, and I could see
the bats wheeling in the dark. I hugged you, tried to calm you. I
always remembered how scared you were of them, and how they made me…
calm. Because I knew what it was like to live in the dark, too."

Lex stroked the hand he held, his thumbs caressing softly. He said
quietly, "I'm sorry I forgot you, Bruce. That I forgot that day, and
all the others. Of boarding school, and how we used to sit up until
four in the morning talking about Warrior Angel, the Gray Ghost, and
superheroes. That I forgot how we planned out Batman, and the
Batmobile and the cave under the covers with a flashlight, a pen, and
a spiral notebook. I…I forgot everything, Bruce. Mom, Julian, you…
LexCorp. But…I remember now. I remember it all."

Bruce looked down at him, his expression grave. Hope, with a hint of
skepticism, flickering over his face. "What happened, Alex? And
when did it all come back? How? I can't…I can't trust you until I
know everything."

Lex turned his head, and he tried to hold back the anger that wanted
to consume him. The anger that had been growing and building since
the memories started coming back. It was an anger that he sometimes
feared was an infinite pool at his center, and it had its birth when
he started to realize just how much had been stolen from him. And
that anger had burned all the hotter when he'd realized he'd had his
identity and his destiny stolen by two of the people he'd loved most
in the world.

Lionel and Clark.

The fuck of it all was that he still loved them, regardless of what
they'd done to him either actively or passively.

He looked back at Bruce, his gaze steady. He had nothing to hide
from this man. This was the one person who'd never betrayed him or
lied to him. It was the first person other than his parents that
he'd loved. Pamela and Clark came after Bruce, and they had both
betrayed him. Bruce was the only person he could trust. The only
person he should have ever trusted.

Now he just needed to show it Bruce. He needed Bruce to trust him.
He needed Bruce.

"Alexander," Bruce said gently, setting his left hand on Lex's
shoulder. "You can tell me anything."

Lex swallowed at his full name on the lips of his oldest friend, his
first best friend. Maybe his last best friend. No one but his mom,
Pamela, and Bruce---and occasionally Lionel---ever called him
Alexander. And only Bruce had ever shortened his name to Alex. Only
in private, like it was a secret between them.

"Belle Reve. Dad…Dad used drugs and electroshock therapy to try to
erase my memories. And other…methods. When that didn't work, he'd
used some experimental procedures that worked directly on the brain…
well, let's just say that I had sections of my brain destroyed."

A soft touch landed on temple, stroking his head softly. "I'm sorry."

Lex shook his head minutely. "I'd found out some things about Dad…
terrible things. He needed me to forget, and he wanted a puppet son
more than a genius son. He had my mind wiped out, and he programmed
me with false memories and a personality that better fit his agenda
for LuthorCorp. I…I have a folder with all the necessary data on my
desk. For you."

"I should have killed him."

Lex looked up, eyes wide at the darkly uttered words. So matter-of-
fact that it made him shiver. As well as made something inside him
warm.

"I heard about what had happened after the fact. I was moving people
into place to get you out, but then was told that it was too late.
It took me months to infiltrate Belle Reve and LuthorCorp, to get
people close to Lionel and the doctors in charge of your case, and by
then it didn't matter. You were being released a few weeks later,
and I was told your memories weren't recoverable."

Lex stayed silent, waiting for Bruce to finish.

"I was going to kill Lionel for it. Go in and just take you, try to
at least give you a safe place to live a new life…but I wasn't sure
if you'd forgive me for killing him. I knew how much you hated him,
and how much…how much you loved him, too. So I let it go. Let you
go."

Lex shut his eyes, setting his forehead against Bruce's thigh. "I
would have forgiven you. But I would have missed him. Even knowing
now…I hate him so much…but the love is still there. He's…my father.
He's all I have in the world."

"No, he's not."

Lex smiled against Bruce's slacks, at the hand that was stroking his
neck and head. No, maybe he wasn't. He might have Bruce. But
Lionel…Lionel was still his only family. The last of his family.

"I'm sorry, Alex. Forgive me. I should have come for you. At least
you wouldn't have had to bear being under Lionel's thumb for so many
years."

Lex just sank wearily into Bruce. "And what? Lionel would have
declared war on you. He would have accused you of kidnapping me, and
he would have done anything to get me back. I know you could have
fought him, and its enough knowing you would have. No one else would
have. There's nothing to forgive. At least not with you."

"But there's those you can't forgive," Bruce said knowingly. "I
sincerely hope Lionel is included among those."

"Yes. Lionel. The doctors involved, as well as the other minions at
Belle Reve and under my father. Superman." Lex raised his head,
looking up at Bruce intently. "Clark Kent."

Bruce gave him a hard look, and then nodded once. "You know."

"Since I had my memories restored. It was obvious once those came
back. I knew Clark when he was teenager. We…we were friends. The
closest friend I'd ever had, other than you. And he was there the
day my father's lackeys came for me, and he let them take me."

"Why," Bruce bit out, his expression fierce and dark.

Ah, so the rumors were true. Lex had heard that Superman and Batman
didn't exactly play nice together. Just like he'd heard that Bruce
Wayne and Clark Kent didn't exactly get along, though it was rumored
it had to do with Lois Lane dating the playboy billionaire whenever
the man blew through Metropolis.

A little sliver of the old Lois-hate made his ego wonder if it really
was the exasperating Miss Lane that had caused those problems, or if
some of them weren't linked to Bruce's old feelings towards Lex. It
wasn't exactly a secret that Lex Luthor and Superman hated each other
with a ferocity that made hurricanes seem tame.

"I've never asked him," Lex said, trying to keep the bitterness out
of his voice. Not that it worked. "My guess? I'd just found out he
wasn't human, and I'm sure he thought it was a hell of a lot safer
for the big bad Luthor heir to be locked away in a nuthouse. In
fact, I'm sure he hoped that they'd just throw away the key. His bad
luck that Dad had other plans."

"I thought you said he was your friend."

Lex's lips twisted into a sharp smile. "He called me his best
friend. Friendship to Clark…well, let's just say that Clark's
willing to break his friends if it means obtaining his own
objectives. He really should have been Lionel's son instead."

"Why haven't you made him pay? You know his weakness, and you think
circles around the boy. I've never understood the games you play
with him, and why if you hate him, you never finish him off."

"You forget, Bruce, I'd do anything for my friends." Lex chuckled
mirthlessly. "I may never have been his friend, but he was mine.
And as far as the past ten years…well, that was my Pinocchio to my
father's Geppetto. He wanted Superman taken care of, and there was
traces enough of…me…left that he was never taken care of in a
permanent or truly harmful manner. I just never realized my
subconscious was sabotaging me, or making me want to draw out our
animosity into a game."

Lex swallowed hard at the fury burning in those cobalt eyes, and he
lifted one of his hands from Bruce's and set it tentatively on his
knee. "Leave it. For now. There are more vital things we need to
discuss. We can discuss the self-righteous twit and his betrayal
later."

"How, Alex? How did you get your memories back? I was told your
mind was…it was damaged. Everything I've seen of you, of your
interactions with the world, suggested this was the truth."

"Do you remember how my asthma disappeared after I lost my hair? How
in boarding school, I never got sick? I rarely got bruised, even
with all the bullies that were constantly after me. And when I did
bruise, they disappeared within days?"

Bruce nodded.

"We just thought I healed fast. But then I was exiled to Smallville
when I was twenty-one. Do you remember how Dad yanked me out of
school?"

Bruce frowned. "I never approved of that. I knew you loved school,
and to send you back there…fuck, Alex. You almost died there. I
remember thinking Lionel was a cold son of a bitch."

Lex snorted. "He is. But as far as Smallville…I learned a lot.
It's where Clark landed, with a shit load of meteorite that his ship
dragged along into our atmosphere."

"Kryptonite."

"Yes. If you can believe it, I was in the damn field the day he
landed. Who knows, it could have been his ship that did this," Lex
said, tracing a hand over his head. "And I found out much more.
About how I wasn't the only one changed by the meteor shower or the
meteorites that littered the county."

Bruce lifted his left hand, lightly ghosting over Lex's head in the
same path Lex's fingers had just taken. "I take it all the changes
didn't result in this. Otherwise there'd be a lot more bald people
running around in Kansas than what I'm aware of."

Lex's lips turned up into a half-smile. "No. I instigated several
investigations, funded research into the meteors and the…mutants that
resulted from the radiation from the meteors."

"Mutants?" Bruce sounded out the word slowly and carefully.

Yes, Bruce, the world is a much more strange and magical place than
most people imagined.

Lex nodded. "Yes. Smallville's darkest and best kept secret, aside
from Superman. Kryptonite changes normal humans in the right
circumstances at a cellular level. Mutations, mutants, humans turned
monsters…all a possible result from Kryptonite exposure."

"Does Lionel know?"

"A little. Meteor research was always my interest. You know how
much money has to be poured into scientific research, and there's
never a guarantee that it'll be recouped. Dad thinks it's a waste of
time and funding unless there are guaranteed results, and there are
never guarantees in science. Since I was in charge of the labs, and
I never shared anything I learned about Kryptonite with my father, he
knows just the little that he put together while I lived in
Smallville. As far as he knows, kryptonite makes Superman physically
vulnerable and it has the potential to cause uncontrollable and
unpredictable mutations."

"And he never took an interest in it?" Bruce said skeptically.

Lex shook his head. "No. He used some of it in a liquid mixture
back in the early 90s to test in a new pesticide, but it didn't
work. He ended up mutating the plants, as well as the insects it was
supposed to kill. Since he can't use it in a controlled manner to
create a profitable product, his only interest in the rocks is as a
weapon against Superman."

"It did more to you, didn't it?" Bruce guessed, seeing where Lex was
going. "Something to do with restoring your memories. Your ability
to heal faster as a kid."

Lex swallowed hard, voice utterly serious. "Bruce, you're the only
one I can trust. And I think you'll understand in a moment why what
I'm about to tell you is dangerous to me. If it got out…I'd be the
most hunted person in the world. I wouldn't be able to hide anywhere
without someone coming after me. Governments. Private companies or
labs. Desperate or ruthless individuals. People with personal
fortunes who could spend their lifespan hunting me."

He tightened his hand on Bruce's knee and continued, "I found out
after moving to Smallville and being exposed to continuous physical
trauma…I heal. Fast. And it's very difficult for me to become
sick. I'd say impossible, but I found out after the plane crash from
my second marriage…I can only get sick if my body's damaged so badly
that my system is forced to heal the physical trauma before it starts
on the virus. It always repairs the most life-threatening damage
first. And the more life-threatening the damage, the more quickly it
works."

Lex shut his eyes, taking a moment to collect himself before he
continued. He looked at Bruce solemnly. "My tissues and cells
regenerate, Bruce. I heal from everything eventually. And my
healing and regenerative abilities are continuing to evolve. I heal
faster now than when we were kids. It's not instantaneous, but I
don't doubt that someday it will be."

"Alex…"

He looked down, staring at their clasped hands. He shook his head,
cutting Bruce off. He couldn't see Bruce's face as he told him the
best part. Or the worst, because it would mean the loss of his
freedom if it got out. After all, what wouldn't people do if they
found the Fountain of Youth. Or at least the possibility of it.

Who wouldn't tear him apart, lock him up so his DNA could be
harvested over and over, if it meant coming up with a way to extend
the life of humanity? If humans could become immortal? Or gods?

"Bruce, I've stopped aging." He tightened his grip, fingers shaking
slightly. "Since I didn't start testing and experimenting on my own
DNA until I got to Smallville…since I didn't know there was something…
different about me…well, I'm not sure when I stopped. It might have
been when I died, or at least drowned, when I first got into town.
Maybe it was meeting Clark, or being exposed to Kryptonite again, or
who knows what the catalyst was for my mutation to start evolving
into something…more. But I regenerate so fast, I don't age."

Lex looked up at the raven-haired man, Bruce's face visibly
stunned. "I was shot in the head two years ago. If it hadn't been
for Mercy and Hope keeping it within a circle of my most trusted
employees and doctors…I don't even want to know what my father would
do with that information. Point blank, Bruce. And I was up and
walking a week later, no sign of a bullet wound. No permanent
damage. That's when the memories starting trickling back in. The
old damage was being slowly mended, old memories restored a piece or
a sliver at a time. As of six months ago, I've recovered all of
them, the damage to my brain completely repaired. Or at least
almost."

"Jesus Christ, Alex," Bruce breathed out softly. He suddenly lurched
forward, shaking Lex's hand off and using both his hands to grip
Lex's shoulders tightly. "Who knows? Who else knows this?"

Lex's shoulders slumped in relief. Bruce believed. And he was
willing to protect. Still.

"A handful of doctors who are completely loyal to me. They're also
the ones working on the Kryptonite research. Hope. Mercy.
Charity. Me. This small group knows everything, or at least nearly
everything. There's no one on the planet that knows more about
Kryptonite and its effects on humans, animals, and plant life than
us."

"And you trust them."

"Enough to keep them on the project for the last decade. And enough
that they've been in charge of my medical care during that time."

Lex didn't say that it wasn't like he had a choice. He hadn't had
the medical and scientific knowledge to figure all this out on his
own back then. He did now, had made sure he became an expert in many
scientific fields, including medicine, and thanked whatever deity
might be out there that he was born a genius, given the intellectual
capability so he could do so. But back then he'd had to rely on the
scientists he'd hired.

He said tersely, "And it's imperative you realize that Superman, for
all his alien technology in his little fort up in the Arctic, knows
barely a fraction of what we do. I've…helped myself to the
technology he has stored in his computer, and I've gone through its
databases. It only knows what was stored in it, and it's limited by
its own programming. It only knows that the radiation signature and
the effects of the Kryptonite in our atmosphere and with our sun are
unique. What he thinks he knows are merely conjectures based off the
information that was inputted by his parents, containing their
scientific knowledge. I've already proved some of those theories
wrong."

Lex stared at Bruce, his expression hard. "He thinks he knows
everything, when he knows little. And he doesn't have the
background, knowledge, or training to pull the information together
on his own to come up with anything viable. Clark was incredibly
smart as a teenager, but he wasn't brought up to use his mind. To
think for himself. He sees the world as he understands it, as he's
told to understand it. He can't know about the research. He'll
destroy it, or he'll discount it as the dim-witted ravings of the
lowly backward humans that reside on this planet. He believes too
much in the superiority of Kryptonian science and technology."

Bruce looked at him, his face blank. "You don't want him to destroy
ten years of work."

Lex spat bitterly, "He's good at destruction. It's a specialty.
Especially when it comes to me."

He got his face back under control, and then continued in an
emotionless tone. "I had a lab about an hour north of here. Three
years ago, Superman heard rumors of illegal research, and he went in
and destroyed it. Everything. The building, the computers, the
files, the test tubes filled with five years worth of trial and
error."

Lex paused, the expectancy behind it blatant. "We had a cure for
cancer. We were testing it on volunteers, all completely willing,
but it was against the FDA's rules. It was working. They were
expected to have all cancerous cells eradicated with a few more
treatments. After Superman's temper tantrum, we lost the cure, the
volunteers' cancer came back, and all but two of them have died.
Most of the scientists and doctors on the project refuse to work for
another five years to have their work destroyed again, even if some
research could be duplicated. You know that science is mixed in with
chance and accidents as it is with persistence. And now that entire
project is dead. I won't allow that to happen to my Kryptonite
research."

Bruce was quite for several minutes, thinking over everything. Lex
could practically see that brilliant mind working, taking apart the
knowledge and putting back together in new patterns. Working out all
the possible and probable implications.

It was yet another reason they'd bonded as children and later as
teenagers. Bruce had always been incredibly brilliant, attending
classes with kids who were two or three years older. And Lex had
been even smarter, so that when they'd attended the same schools,
they'd often shared many of the same classes. They knew what it was
like to be different in that way.

"Something's happened. Something to do with your Kryptonite
research, or your own abilities, and that's why you've asked me to
come."

Lex nodded. Thank God Bruce was still as intelligent and sharp as
ever.

"Yes. I…my memories. They aren't as…solid as they should be.
Sometimes some of them…slip away. They come back, but it's like an
ebb and flow of…self. I think the problem will right itself in time,
but…"

"You don't think you have time."

"No."

The word seemed to hang in the air, heavy and ominous. Lex felt
Bruce's fingers biting into his shoulders, and he took comfort in the
strength there. In the strength that Bruce had always held, even as
an eight-year-old mourning the murder of his parents.

"The meteorites affected people differently. With all my research,
there's still more I don't know than of what I do know. Part of the
problem is that I just don't have enough information, of people
who've had benign, harmless mutations. Of people who've gotten…
sick. Of people who've moved away and experienced some sort of
mutation. But what we do know…"

Lex leaned forward, his voice intense. "Not everyone mutates. Some
just develop cancer. Many develop cancer, and I've yet to discover
why some people's bodies aren't able to support the cellular change
while others do. Those that do mutate…some mutate to form abilities
or needs that require them to kill to survive. Some of the mutations
are unstable, and it makes the mind equally unstable. I have a whole
building full of insane mutants, and I've yet to find a cure for one
of them. And some of the mutants, a few rare cases that I've
uncovered, are completely stable. No insanity, and the mutation is
such that killing isn't a perquisite for the continuation of life.
And I'm the only one that I know of that has a continually evolving
mutation. My abilities are the only ones I know of that didn't just
spring into life from some catalyst and stayed static. The only one
that constantly seems to…strengthen. Mature."

A hand left his shoulder and picked up his right hand. Bruce traced
his thumb over Lex's ring finger and sent him a questioning look.

"Yes," Lex nodded. "It's why I took the ring off five years ago.
We'd just figured out the linkage of the Kryptonite to the causation
of cancer. I went in for a complete work up and traces of cancer
cells were found in my hand. My abilities had them cleared out
within a year."

Bruce's hand tightened around the paler, smaller one in his grasp.
Interest and scientific curiosity flitted through his eyes, before he
sent a composed look at Lex. He wasn't quite able to keep the
fascination out of his voice though.

And Lex couldn't blame him. The research was damn fascinating.

"Using your DNA…is that how LexCorp found a cure for Parkinson's
Disease?"

Lex didn't bother to keep the smirk off his face. "Yes. It helped
lead us to it. Dad was pissed as hell, especially because he thought
LexCorp was a joke and would remain a joke."

It had been one of his better moments. Despite his puréed brain,
he'd still retained enough of an interest upon finding out about
LexCorp's existence that he'd made a deal with his dad early on.
Even though he hadn't remembered starting the company, he'd had
enough of an ego to want to keep it around and to expand it. As long
as he fulfilled all his duties to LuthorCorp, LexCorp was given back
to him. Most of the labs, along with the scientific and medical
research, fell under LexCorp. It was costly as hell, but it had paid
off under Lex's tutelage. LexCorp was a smaller corporation, but
wildly successful and worth billions.

It was a source of pride and fury for Lionel that his son owned one
of the most flourishing and hottest corporations in the world, and
Lex still managed to help keep LuthorCorp at the top of the corporate
world.

Bruce kept his hold on Lex's hand, and he raised his other hand to
gently touch Lex's bare head. "Why didn't you come to me when you
regained your memories? We could have fought off your father
together."

Lex sighed, his shoulders falling. He was still traveling the road
he'd been forced onto, but there was a chance to create his own
fork. To take another path, to bend his destiny into one of his own
choosing. But so much had been lost already.

"I'm evil, remember. Supervillian, according to the Superman, Clark
Kent, Lois Lane, and The Daily Planet. Ruthless businessman and arch-
nemesis of Superman to the rest of the world. Even those who don't
believe I'm evil incarnate think I'm a cold-blooded, heartless son of
a bitch. Someone who might be brilliant and owns one of the best
medical research companies in the world, but whose underlying
interest is in the bottom line." Lex shook his head slowly. "And
then there's Dad, who'll do anything to keep him at his side. Under
his control. I've spent the last six months, the last year really,
making plans. Trying to find a way out of the labyrinth I've been
dropped into. A labyrinth I've been lost in for a decade."

"Let me help you find that way," Bruce said, voice low and eyes
burning with intensity. "Let me help you now. Where I couldn't
before. I have more resources now, and I don't have to play catch
up."

Lex nodded, his shoulders still slumped. He let his head fall again,
resting on Bruce's thigh and sitting like they had when they were
young. When he'd asked Bruce to tell him a story, or he'd ask
silently for comfort. Or sometimes, to comfort Bruce.

"I…I need you. To do something for me. I…" Lex trailed off,
something inside him twisting and bleeding, and he closed his eyes.
It hurt just to say it. "I want to sign over LexCorp to you. All
the labs will go to you, including the lab with the Kryptonite
research. And me. I need you to…there's something wrong. I need
you to oversee my…confinement. And as a friend, if there's no hope
for me, I need you to end it."

"Alex?!?"

Lex ignored the horror in Bruce's voice. Bruce was strong enough.
He was like Lex in that respect. "I'm immortal, Bruce. For the most
part. But I'm fairly sure that I won't survive having my head
severed from my body. If I…deteriorate the way that I think I will…I
need you to take care of me. To make sure I don't spend…that I don't
spend an eternity being the heartless, soulless creature my father
and Superman molded me to be these last ten years."

Lex whispered softly, "I won't be less than what I am. And I can't
spend an eternity as some mad megalomaniac. An eternity of insanity,
trapped in a cage of my own flesh and blood, my mind shattered. It
would be a living death."

"No," a hoarse voice rolled over Lex. "No, I won't…I won't kill you."

"If you ever loved me, if we were ever best friends, you will. For
me." Lex reached up blindly, setting a hand on the knee near his
head. "You'll let me die as Lillian's son, and not live as Lionel's
legacy. But that's the worse case scenario. There might…another way
might be found. A cure…just because a cure hasn't been found yet,
doesn't mean that it doesn't exist."

"Tell me."

Lex smiled at the command in the voice, the Wayne in Bruce, the
prince of Gotham in Bruce, that could demand so simply with so few
words and expect an answer as his due.

Crown princes, both of them, who would never be kings. Their fathers
were too strong, too larger than life, either as a memory or in
reality. In their minds, they'd always be their fathers' sons. But
as he remembered so recently, he was also his mother's son as well.

"My memories flow in and out, like the waves in an ocean slipping on
and off a beach. Or perhaps, if you don't like that analogy, it's as
if my mind's a sieve. The memories keep leaking out, only to be
deposited back into the sieve until they leave once more."

Lex petted Bruce's knee, running his hand slowly over the soft,
expensive material. Letting the motion soothe him. "My mind…it's
becoming unstable. I'm not sure if it's because my memories are so
elusive, so shifting, that it's causing my mind to become unbalanced
since it has nothing to hold onto. Or if…so many of the mutants go
insane. Usually it's immediate, but…my mutation has always been
unique. Different. Maybe my healing abilities fought off my mind's
instability. Until now. Or the gunshot wound has caused
complications we haven't been able to define."

A hand clamped onto Lex's shoulder, tight enough to bruise. Lex
didn't move, not even a twinge, and said nothing. Another hand
caressed his cheek, resting lightly there as if wanting a connection.

"What did you plan?"

"I…I can't stand being locked up. Caged away like an animal. I
didn't understand…until I remembered Belle Reve. I…I'm scared,
Bruce. But I'm more scared of what I could become if left alone. I
don't want to be a monster. I won't," Lex swore vehemently. "The
mutants. The dangerous and insane ones that I know of. They're in a
medical facility, much like a private hospital, that's part of the
laboratories with the Kryptonite research. Only the dangerous ones,
the homicidal or violent ones, are locked away in cells. They…they
have a choice. They're all taken care of. Treated as humanely as
possible. But…I've never understood until my memories returned on
why I insisted on it."

A hand stroked his cheek softly.

Lex continued, his voice quiet and filled with pain. "I didn't want
to lock them away like monsters, even when I didn't know why I hated
the idea. I assumed it was because they were like me; I was just one
of the lucky few to accept the change without mental instability. So
I gave them a choice. We developed a drug, it helps to soften the
entrapment. To let the mind drift, not be fully aware of their
environment. It allows them to…not be caged, in a way. They're
taken out of it annually, so they can be given the choice again."

Lex's voice broke off, and he gathered his thoughts. The silence in
the room was deafening, weighing heavily and pressing him down. He
didn't want this. He didn't want…but there was no other choice. No
other way to save himself, to save his name. No other way to save
Clark. Or Bruce, or his father, or the rest of the world. If he
became imbalanced, if he truly went mad like so many of the mutants
from Smallville, he might literally try to tear the world apart.
Especially with the anger that resided in him. An anger that would
destroy if left unchecked.

"I've made arrangements. Mercy, Hope, Charity…they've been with me
since I left Belle Reve. I saved them…from the street. In return,
they gave me their loyalty. Their service. You need to take care of
them for me. They've agreed to serve you. They know everything I've
done in the last decade, and everything that my father's done that
he's allowed me to be a part of. They know LexCorp inside and out,
and can easily take over any position in the company that you need.
Even mine."

Bruce knew about taking care of people. He'd been taking care of
Alfred for years, just like he'd allowed Alfred to take care of him.
Bruce knew. Not to mention the teenagers he'd taken under his wing.
Richard Grayson. Timothy Drake. Barbara Gordon. He could trust
Bruce with his girls.

He'd spent eight years unable to form an emotional attachment to
anyone and anything. Lex Luthor the Puppet was incapable of
emotions. Feelings. Love. Or if he was, it had been only pale
shadows of it. Other than hate and anger, of course. Which Lionel
fed to him like mother's milk, so that Superman and Clark Kent became
the object of all that banked animosity.

But he'd had two years to bond to the three girls he'd saved from the
street. Two years of the three of them watching over him, protecting
him, showing him the closest thing to affection or love that he'd
known in a decade. Combined with his memories of the prior years of
faithful service, Lex would do anything to protect them. To keep
them safe.

This was best for everyone.

"The doctors are…expecting me. I've chosen to be drugged. They'll
take whatever samples are necessary to try to figure this out.
They'll take me off the drugs when they need to evaluate my clarity
of mind. Only you can release me. You'll have complete…control.
Over me. My fate. Once I'm in, I won't be able to do anything. My
people will defer to you completely. Including Mercy."

Mercy was particularly loyal to him. She was the oldest. The
cleverest. The most dedicated. She'd been the one to take care of
Hope and Charity, until she'd saved a bald young rich kid from a
mugging and a knife. He'd repaid her by taking her and her girl gang
off the streets. Gave them a home, an education, a future. And all
they'd wanted was to remain at his side, to protect and serve.

It had taken a month to convince Mercy that he couldn't be trusted to
know his own sanity. That Bruce was trustworthy. That Bruce had the
knowledge, scientific and of the old Lex, that he had to be the one
to decide if Lex was really sane. He would see past any deceptions
or masks.

"Earlier. You said you thought it would heal itself in time. And you
do have extraordinary healing abilities. Regenerative abilities.
You might not need to---"

"Cage myself?" Lex cut in harshly. "Make myself my own captive?
Your captive? You're right. I might not. A few months in a padded
cell, or in seclusion at one of the Luthor properties, my mind might
become…balanced. The memories might solidify. But what if they
don't? What if it continues to get worse? Like it has been. Would
you really want a truly insane Lex Luthor loose in the world? A Lex
Luthor filled with rage and pain, who sadistically hates Superman,
who hates the world, and is more power-hungry than this world can
contain? I could make the last ten years seem like a charity event."

"You don't know that."

"I don't know that it won't happen. I can't take the chance. You
can't either." Lex paused. "Batman can't."

A tense silence descended on them, before Bruce bit out, "Damn you,
Alex. Don't bring him into this."

Lex's ace. Bruce might be his friend. But Batman had obligations to
the world that he'd taken on when he was created. Batman's conscious
wouldn't let him allow Bruce Wayne's friend any latitude. Not even
if that friend was also one of his creators.

A small smirk touched his lips. In some ways, as one of Batman's
creators, he was sort of Batman's father. Who knew he and Bruce
could father a superhero?

His fanciful line of thought was cut off as the hand on his head fell
down, settling on his nape and stroking the skin there softly.

"I'm trusting you, Bruce. You could keep me locked away for your
lifetime. Maybe beyond your lifetime with instructions to the right
people. I'm trusting you with my life. My future. To do what's
best for me, my company, and for those around me."

"Why?"

Lex flinched inside at the anguish in that voice. "I love you,
Bruce. I've loved since I was five years old. You were my best
friend. My first kiss. My first lover. You're the best person I
know; I wanted to be you growing up. And now…I know you won't use
me. You won't betray me. You're the only one who never has."

Other than his three girls, but that was why he was giving them to
Bruce. They'd take care of Bruce like they took care of him. And
Bruce would make sure they never wanted for anything in their lives.

Dad was another story. He suspected Bruce wasn't going to be kind to
Lionel Luthor. And Lionel would go crazy when he learned that Lex
disappeared, leaving the company to Bruce. Listing Bruce as his
beneficiary in his will. Leaving everything to Bruce, even his
LuthorCorp stocks. And he'd made sure that when he did leave, his
father wouldn't be able to track him.

As far as Superman, the flying freak will probably be glad one Luthor
was gone and out of his life. Out of Metropolis. Wiped out of
existence as far as the alien will know. And without Lex Luthor to
wreak havoc in his life, maybe the alien would have enough time to
actually form a personal life. Actually go after that bitch Lane.

Lex felt a stab of pain.

He ignored it. Clark was dead to him. Dead since the moment he
turned his back and ran. Dead since he chose not to go after Lex, to
break him out of Belle Reve in order to save their friendship and
Lex's mind. Dead since the creation of Superman and Clark Kent the
Reporter.

Clark, his Clark, with the green eyes and the shy smile was dead. In
his place was a clumsy reporter and an alien superhero, both with
grim visages and cold blue eyes. All the warmth had been leached out
of Clark, the beauty snuffed out, the youth he'd loved long dead.

Even if he could forgive the betrayal, even if he could look past the
ten years of abandonment, it wouldn't matter.

Clark was dead.

"Okay, Alex," a baritone whispered, wrapping around Lex like a
blanket. "I'll take care of you. I swear it."

"And you won't let me live an eternity chained with insanity?" Lex
asked quietly. He had to know. Had to get the promise. Bruce never
broke his promises.

A long pause. Minutes passed, and Lex was so sure Bruce wasn't going
to answer. Then he spoke. "No, Alex."

"Promise."

"I promise. I won't allow that to happen." Intensity, and something
dark, rang in those words.

Lex closed his eyes, relieved. He knew he could count on Bruce.
Knew that Bruce was trustworthy. He was so tired, so weary of having
the weight of this around his neck for the last six months. He was
ready to rest, to let someone else be in control.

He was so tired.

Who knows? Maybe he really was saving the world with this decision.
Maybe he was a superhero, and no one would ever know it.

Maybe Bruce would tell him someday.


END