Title: Never that honest
Author: philtre
Disclaimer: Do you really think I'd have time to write this if I owned them?
Category: PWP
Rating: R
Spoilers: Vague references to all of season 1, and 'spoiler' for Bruce Willis' The Jackal (good movie, btw).
Players: Clex. Who could ask for anything moooore?
Summary: CLFF challenge – "Clark watches (via x-ray vision) Lex having sex with Victoria and he comes with Clark's name on his lips. What does Clark do? The story would be a sequel to this one. Jumping the Moon by Redheaded Firecracker (Treacy Purple Sage)."
Note: Please read Jumping the Moon first and things will make a lot more sense.
Author's Note: Last episode seen, Heat (a.k.a. gayest episode *ever*). Thank you to Thayli, moss, and Alison – my poor darling betas, at least I love you all. Any linger errors are naturally all me.
Feedback: Pour some sugar on me. Please? at twopphiltre@yahoo.ca

NEVER THAT HONEST

It was becoming a major obsession. He couldn't help himself, the perverseness of it all simply fueled the need even more. Surreptitious snippets of Lex and Victoria, Lex and that reporter, Lex and ... his hand. After Victoria had been sent packing, he could still justify it to himself when Lex took up with that reporter from Metropolis. In his mind, she didn't seem to be all that very different from Victoria, uninterestingly plastic enthusiasm.

But after the reporter left, Lex didn't bother to replace her and yet Clark couldn't tear himself away. Most nights would find Lex eating dinner in his overly large dining room, accompanied by the never-ending stream of reports that he seemingly had. Then some nights, he would spend hours perfecting some difficult angle on his pool table, and other nights, he would fence imaginary partners until he collapsed to the ground.

After that, he would take a long shower. Often, that was when he would jerk off. Clark liked to think that on the days that he had talked to Lex, the need for release seemed particularly intense. But then sometimes, Lex would simply take a quick shower and crawl into his bed naked, as he always was when he slept.

Clark usually left about then, but then one night, he discovered that occasionally, in the darkness, Lex would slip a hand down to stroke himself. These were nights when Lex seemed to stretch his pleasure, prolonging his inevitable release. Clark found that he could never tear himself away on those nights, even if it was getting too late.

He found himself walking along the back of the castle, until he stood next to a shady tree. He had the perfect view of the castle from here. Letting his eyes wander around the castle, he finally found Lex in his washroom, undressing. Clark moistened his parched lips.

His father would be appalled by him abusing his power for this. His father would be appalled by this, period. But he wasn't hurting anyone, right? And wasn't it his father who had said that we only live once? Who was he to argue with his dad? He groaned at the inanity of his rationalization. Too many shades of gray, Clark. But staring at Lex's beautiful back as he stepped into the shower, Clark honestly didn't care.

When he got home that night, he stripped down to his boxers and climbed into bed, pulling the blanket tightly around him. Evidently, he had sorely misjudged the enormity of his obsession, what with the size the metaphorical giraffe staring down at him. A constant reminder that he wanted to kiss Lex, touch Lex, do all matters of unspeakable things to Lex. *Fuck*, the beast had grown to such gargantuan proportions that it would soon need to be transplanted to the loft.

Also, in a recent development, he had completely disposed of his aversion to dropping cuss words liberally, at least in his mind. Those words had become sorely needed. Especially since he admitted to himself that he got off on his little voyeuristic digressions.

One night, he had seen his name flutter lightly on Lex's lips, over and over again. That had pushed him right over the edge, coming so hard that his entire body trembled. He clamored home, hoping fervently that he wouldn't run into his parents. Returning from the Luthor castle with a hard on was bad, but returning with cum stained jeans was something that he would never be prepared to explain.

Yet, for some godforsaken reason, he couldn't bring himself to confront Lex. There were even days when Clark couldn't quite look Lex in the eye because the memory of Lex from the previous night had been burned into his brain. Perversion. That's what it was. And also, how the hell was he supposed to explain it to Lex? *Lex, I know you jerk off thinking about me because I see my name on your lips when you're doing it with my x-ray vision.*

He supposed that the fact he was a Grade-A wimp also contributed to his hesitation. Right, a huge serving of wimp with a side of wuss, add a couple of dashes of too-chicken-shit-to-do-anything-worth-doing and you pretty much had Clark Kent summed up in a bowl.

Walking along his usual path, he leaned back against his usual tree and scanned the castle in his usual manner. Clark couldn't resist a smile when he found Lex in his library, reading at his table. He made a quick calculation. Hadn't made an unannounced appearance at the castle for 6 days now, so Clark walked towards the front door.

Clark stopped at the doorway into the library, studying Lex's serious expression as Lex perused something or other on his laptop.

"Clark?" Lex didn't so much as look up.

"How did you know it was me?"

"Well, the only other person who would waltz in here without being announce or at least knocking, would be my father, and since I just got an earful from him in Paris, I took a wild guess." Lex set his pale blue eyes on him.

Clark knew he was probably blushing, but he smiled as casually as he could. "You busy?"

"No."

Lex circled the table and strode towards the couch, everything about Lex seemed cultured and practiced, except when ... Clark quickly pushed the thought into the back of his mind. Lex could probably read him like a book, his keen eyes never seemed to miss much. Even without, yet another blush that was already working it's way up Clark's neck.

"What can I do for you today, Clark?"

"Uh. Nothing. My parents went to Metropolis for the weekend, so I was kinda feeling bored." Yes, that was the only reason he ever made his way to the Luthor castle. He sat down next to Lex, their knees brushing. The couch was way too small for two tall men.

Lex didn't pull away, but rather gave Clark a smile, Lex's eyes dropping casually to his body as it always did. "Always glad to play the entertainer."

Clark dipped his head in slight embarrassment. "No. I didn't mean that you'd have to entertain me, just that maybe we could hang out ... Chloe and Pete are out on a double date. I mean, not with each other, but with other people except that they're dating together ..." He was babbling and he needed to stop.

Lex was laughing at him. Could this get any worse? God *yes*, Lex's hand was on his knee! He could hear the giraffe nudging him. *Shut up*.

"Relax, Clark." And all too soon, the hand was gone. "So, the other two musketeers have ventured into the dating world and left you to fend for yourself, have they?"

Clark rubbed his hands against his jeans, as if it would make him braver. "Yeah."

"Hmm." Lex was studying him while stroking his chin.

The deafening pause was tolling in Clark's ears. "So, what are you doing at home on a Friday night?" Clark didn't even know why he asked. He knew that Lex was in almost every night of the week, except on the days that he was in Metropolis. Fortunately, his obsession hadn't grown to include stalking Lex there too. Oh Lord, that's what he was, a stalker. Realizing that while sitting inches away from the person he was stalking did not bode well.

"I didn't particularly want to go to another endless museum opening. Besides, I had some things that I wanted to wrap up." Lex gestured in the general direction of his table.

"Oh, in that case, I'll just go." Clark started to get up, but Lex shot out a hand to grab his arm.

"I'm done for the night." Then the hand was gone. "And if you don't stay, who's going to entertain *me*?"

Clark knew that he was grinning stupidly, but luckily, he didn't care. So he sat back down happily.

"What do you want to do, Clark?"

"Uh." He shrugged and glanced around the room.

"Play some pool, watch a video, fence a little?"

Clark gave Lex a bright smile. "Video."

Lex stood up, looking down at Clark. "My DVD collection's upstairs."

"Okay." He stood up a little too quickly, ending up inches next to Lex, body heat emanating into him. For a moment, he stood frozen, staring down at Lex, breath caught in his throat, eyes unable to tear away from Lex's crystal clear eyes. It felt like he was drowning in icy, crisp water, could almost feel it tightening against his body.

Lex stepped backwards almost immediately, and then turned to stride towards the door, hands tucked into his pockets. Stopping at the doorway, Lex turned his head to Clark. "You coming?"

Clark shook himself mentally, then smiled as casually as he could. "Yeah." Bounding up behind Lex as they made their way upstairs, best to hang back, pretending to be unsure, wouldn't be good for Lex to realize that he knew *exactly* where Lex's DVD collection was, wouldn't be good at all.

They walked into a wood paneled room, a projection screen taut against one wall. Against the opposite wall was a king sized bed. Clark felt a surge of panic. This was a supremely bad idea. He shouldn't have knocked on the front door, shouldn't have agreed on watching a video, especially knowing what he did. Part of him wanted to run out of the room there and then. Being in such a tempting environment, alone with Lex, was definitely unwise.

Clark realized that his eyes were still firmly trained on the bed, and he slowly glanced up to see Lex staring at him. "I believe in comfort when I'm being entertained." And Clark believed it. Lex gave him a trademarked half-smile, and then nonchalantly strode purposefully towards a makeshift bar. Made sense that Lex had alcohol in every nook and cranny of this sprawling mansion. Clark almost felt like he needed a drink too. Not a good plan of action.

Lex turned his head back slightly at him, then pointed at a floor to ceiling cabinet. "DVD's are over there. You choose."

Clark took a quick breath to steady himself, then walked quickly to the cabinet, and threw it open.

He stumbled backwards in awe at the number of DVDs that greeted him.

"There's more in the cabinet on your right."

He could practically hear the smirk in Lex's voice. Turning back to smile at Lex, he noticed that Lex had two drinks in his hand.

"I won't tell if you won't tell." Lex proffered one of the drinks out to him.

Clark hesitated for a moment and then walked up to Lex, taking the glass from him. He toasted the glass into the air. "Cheers."

Lex half-smirked, eyes travelling down coolly down Clark's body. Did Lex actually think that he didn't notice Lex's constantly straying eyes? The thought burned in the flames of the scorching liquid coursing down his throat. How the hell did Lex drink this stuff?

He lifted his eyes ever so slightly, meeting Lex's laughing countenance.

"You'll get used to it." Lex clinked his glass against Clark's.

Even though he tried to fight it, he could feel the heat creeping up his neck, and he tried, probably unsuccessfully, to cover it up with a grin and an uncomfortable tilt of his left shoulder.

"So. Movie?" Lex was sliding fluidly towards the cabinet. "Comedy, Drama, Action, ..."

Clark could barely think, his eyes focusing in on Lex's slender fingers running along the columns of casings. Stop it, Kent, you can control superpowers but you can't control your... ardor? "Action." That was safe wasn't it?

"How about... the Jackal?" Lex turned perfunctorily to look at Clark. "It's got Bruce Willis."

Bruce Willis, Die Hard, manly man action star, that was good.

"Clark?"

"Yeah. That sounds good." Clark flashed Lex a smile that he hoped said good-pick instead of I-know-what-you-look-like-naked.

"Okay." Lex nimbly plucked a DVD out of the cabinet, closing the cabinet doors behind him before plopping the disc into the player.

Clark stood frozen to the ground as he watched Lex toe off his shoes and then sprawl onto the bed, leaning his head into the backboard of his bed, drink still in hand. Then Lex's smoky eyes drifted down to him, a smile flickering ever so lightly on his lips.

"You can take a seat, Clark. It *is* a king sized bed."

Of course, dammit. His brain was slowly, no rapidly, melting down and he needed to get a hold of that. It was a good thing that Lex assumed his hesitation was due to not wanting to get in bed with Lex rather than the reality that Clark thinking about Lex's naked body under those sheets. He climbed onto the huge bed, careful to keep a respectful distance away from Lex, resolutely ignoring the giraffe that was trying to push him closer.

Our of the corner of his eye, he could see Lex clicking a remote, and the movie started.

Clark forced himself to watch the movie companionably, *quietly*. When his mind started drifting, he kicked himself mentally. It was an all time low that he was reading homosexual tension in a movie with Bruce Willis, of all people. This was probably the toughest guy since Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone, and yet he could have sworn Bruce just had a moment with that guy.

Snap out of it, Kent. Just because you want to make out with your best friend doesn't mean that Bruce Willis wants to make out with random guys. He spurted out the liquid in his mouth in surprise. Clark had to blink to make sure he wasn't imagining things. *Yes*, Bruce Willis *was* actually kissing a guy. What the *fuck*?! When the DVD paused, he turned slowly to find Lex staring at him.

"Are you okay, Clark?"

Clark cleared his throat and then nodded slightly. He didn't trust his voice right then.

"You don't have any problems with homosexuality do you?"

Speaking would definitely not be a good idea, he honestly didn't trust his mouth to say what his brain commanded. So, he just shook his head.

"Because if you do, we can always find another movie."

Clark simply shook his head and turned back to the screen. He pulled up his knees to his chest, and hoped to high heaven that it hid his growing erection. Here he was, this close to talking about gay men with the one person that he wanted to talk to about being gay, and he chickened out. Stupid, Clark, stupid!

Clark stared blankly as the movie started up again, unable to push the image of the kiss out of his mind, unintentionally replacing the two men with Lex and himself. Playing the scene, over and over again, in slow motion.

"So what did you think of the movie?"

Clark whipped to look at Lex, who was staring intently at him. Not good, considering that he had completely phased out since the onscreen kiss. All debate in his mind about his actual age promptly flew out the window – he was definitely a teenager. Why else would he be so incoherent just from watching a kiss?

Lex was now frowning slightly. Shit, Clark had to stop retreating into his mind.

"I liked it. It was good. I'm surprised I hadn't seen it before."

"What did you think of Bruce Willis' performance?"

"He was really good." Clark smiled brightly at Lex. As silence draped the air, Clark became painfully aware that they were sitting in a bed, the door was shut, they were staring at each other, their breaths intermingling like a finely tuned duet. The giraffe must have been colossal right about... then.

"You all right, Clark?"

No. He wasn't alright. It wasn't alright to want someone that badly, and yet be too afraid to do anything about it. Every single fiber of his being was aware that if he did anything, he could never back away again. So many lines would be crossed, and as many walls would emerge in their place, nothing would be the same again.

What the hell was that giraffe doing standing there?! He glanced up at the giraffe which was mocking him mercilessly, and then back down at Lex. Lex must have thought Clark was going insane. Maybe he was. The clawing hunger in the bottom of his belly refused to be ignored.

Lex was staring at him, looking mildly confused, stroking his lower lip contemplatively. Clark had to push back the flash of images that had been plaguing him over the weeks, most them involving Lex's lips, hard against his own, smoothing a path along his chest, completely engulfing his ...

Wordlessly, Clark slid across the bed, *fuck this*. It was now or never and never sure as hell looked fucking unbearable. He pressed his lips firmly against Lex's. Clark winced as Lex tensed beneath him, but then all at once sure hands laced through his hair, pulling him down against an open, willing mouth. Lex's tongue pressed insistently against his, the kiss became urgent, as if their lips were straining to regain acquaintance from that fateful night by the riverbank.

Fervent hands had found their way to Clark's chest and were pushing decidedly against him, so he fell back onto the bed, allowing Lex to straddle his hips. Lex's sinewy length rubbed deliciously against him. Their hands never stilled on one spot, their kiss sloppy and wet. Clark finally had free reign to run his hands along every inch of the beautiful body that he had involuntarily memorized, something that had tortured him cruelly until then.

Clark moaned at the loss when Lex pulled back slightly, studying Clark with cloudy eyes, tongue darting out to moist bruised lips, leaving a delightful sheen on the scar on his upper lip.

"Clark. We have to talk about this."

"No, we don't." Clark tried to reach for Lex, but Lex was already sitting on the edge of the bed, staring at the plush carpet. "I thought ... Don't you ..."

"This would change everything." Lex sounded as if the weight of the world was on his shoulders.

"Is that so bad?" Clark sat up on the bed, careful not to touch Lex, it seemed like the wise thing to do.

"This is the first time that I actually feel at home. My whole life, I thought that I had to be careful not to turn my back on anyone. But I've finally found the one person I can trust completely." Lex turned to look at Clark. "A friend." Lex's eyes were dark with emotion, something that Clark had never seen before and it spoke right to him.

"I'll always be your friend." Clark meant it. Slowly, he reached a hand out to Lex's shoulder. "You're very important to me, Lex."

Lex laughed bitterly, then tilted his head at Clark. "That's the difference between you and me, Clark. You're the most important thing in *my* life."

For a moment they both stared at each other, trying to assimilate to significance of the conversation. As though they were on a precarious ledge, and neither wanted the responsibility to make the decision that would change their lives forever.

Finally, Clark leaned in and kissed Lex. Kissed him with every emotion inside him, telling him things that he had wanted to since the day they had first met, promising him every moment that they would share from then on.

They were both breathing heavily when Lex pressed his forehead against Clark's. "Tell me you want this, Clark. Tell me you think about this." Lex's voice was husky and forced.

Clark could feel his insides tighten. This was *his* pleasure sated Lex. Not the Lex that was dished out to the general public, not the Lex that fucked random people with detached indulgence. This was his Lex, in the moment, there with him.

"I think about *you* all the time, Lex." And Clark would never be that honest ever again.

***
END