Author: Reetchick
Title: A Clark Breaking Work of Staggering Lexness

Spoilers: through Duplicity

Rating:  R, for language

Feedback:  I love it when my fuzzy little cyber tummy gets rubbed.

Email: daga8922@cox.net

Disclaimer:  All characters property of TRB/DC.  Except for Casey, of course, who is my bitch.

Author's notes: Thanks to Little Asparagus for the title, and many apologies to Dave Eggers for the same.  Many, many thanks to moss for the beta.  You can wear your 'mean hat' for me any time, babe.

Challenge:  "Lex wants to know if Clark is interested in him 'that way,' so Lex pretends to have a relationship with a hot new bimbo.  Clark gets jealous.  Clark finally gets on the clue bus.  Extra points for Clark throwing a major scene at the Talon.  (Lillian)"

A Clark Breaking Work of Staggering Lexness

Even if you're a certified genius, sometimes, it's the simple things that elude you.

Like, for example, knowing your best friend's sexual preference.  That should be fairly easy.

Not always, as it turns out.

Lex had spent the better part of the past year dealing with his back-and-forth, does-he-or-doesn't-he, loves-me-loves-me-not friendship with Clark Kent.

It was driving him absolutely apeshit.

After the... travesty with Desiree (and finally, he could think that name without shuddering), Lex had realized he might be able to puzzle out the answer to the all-consuming question:

Was Clark attracted to men?

Well, Clark seemed to be attracted to certain girls.  That told Lex only slightly more than nothing; the same was true of himself.

Lex had long known he was bisexual.  Of course, the Desiree business would quite likely put him off women for a while. 

Years, maybe.

So.  Lex knew he "went either way," as the saying goes.  But, until recently, it had seemed that Clark went just the one way -- the way lined with Americana, apple pie, baseball, and fifty-odd years of your basic missionary position.

Apparently Clark was firmly on the 'hetero' side of sexual.  Yes, there had been looks and touches between the two of them, and if what they did wasn't exactly flirting, well, then, it was a close cousin to it.

But, hell.  It wasn't all that long ago that Lex was sixteen years old; he certainly remembered the raging hormones that drove a guy to relate just about everything to sex.

Good that he'd outgrown that stage.  Heh.

Anyhow.  Until recently, Clark had presented the very picture of Mr. Straight And Narrow, Emphasis On Straight.

Until the farce that had been Lex's engagement and subsequent marriage, courtesy of Desiree and her Mojo of Doom.

Which hadn't affected Clark.

Desiree hadn't affected Clark.

Lex had lost count of how many times that small fact had gone scampering through his brain like some Disney forest creature on ecstasy.

Interesting bit of information, that.

Things that hadn't made sense now fell into place.  How could you solve an equation when your assumptions and starting variables were all wrong?

Desiree had the ability to make any man who was at all attracted to women do anything she wanted.

Desiree hadn't affected Clark.

Which cleared up any of Lex's lingering doubts about where Clark's sexual interests were. 

But now, now... there was another, much more pressing question.

Was Clark attracted to Lex?

There was not a whisper of a doubt in Lex's mind that he was attracted to Clark.  There hadn't been a day he hadn't longed for the boy.  Longed to taste the skin of his throat, below his ear, on his chest....

All right.  Enough of that -- for now.

If Clark was, indeed, gay -- then what the hell was the holdup?  Lex had been anything but shy; if anything, he'd just about thrown himself at Clark. 

The fireworks.  The lingering looks.  The truck, for God's sake.  The way he allowed Clark into his personal space.  The time he spent with him.

Lex had always made time for Clark, ever since they'd first met.  Right from the start, he'd ducked out of fencing sessions, postponed meetings, left the plant early, blew off calls, canceled dates with Victoria....

Oh.  Victoria.

And then Desiree.

So, maybe it wasn't that Clark wasn't getting the signals; maybe Lex was crossing the signals even as he gave them off.

Well, shit.  How dumb could one genius be?

All right, then.  Talk about incorrect starting variables; Lex could certainly work with this.  How to get Clark to see through the confusion?

How, exactly?

Walk up to Clark and say, "Hey, I realize the only evidence of my sexual orientation you've seen has been the parade of hot-yet-intellectually-challenged-bimbos, but in truth, I like men too, and by the way, can I suck your cock?"

Yeah.  That'd work.

Nothing so overt, then.  Clark would have to see that the road went either way before he could get comfortable with the idea of... walking down it for himself.

And, since Clark thought Lex was exclusively interested in women from the women he'd seen him with....

Lex was just going to have to make sure Clark saw him with someone different.

Someone very different.

Lex grinned as his reached for his phone.  This had the potential to be a lot of fun.

Clark shook his head as he and Pete approached the Talon.

"Seriously.  It didn't bother me," Clark repeated.

"All right, I'll believe you," Pete said.  "But if I'd have known, I wouldn't have made you go see 'Men in Black 2' with me last summer."

"It's not a big deal," Clark said, a little uncomfortable.  "Can we drop it now?  Since we're here, and all?"

"Yeah, sure, sure," Pete replied.  "You seem kind of edgy anyhow.  Relax, man, okay?  I promised I'd be nice around Lex."

Clark exhaled, using the air to blow his bangs out of his eyes.  "I know you did, and you will.  Which I appreciate.  It's just, now that you know, maybe you can tell me if I'm being paranoid, or if it seems like he's... pushing me about the whole 'secret' thing."

Pete gave a flippant little mock salute.  "Will do, Chief.  Operation 'Back the Hell Off' in full swing."  Clark shot a warning look in Pete's direction.

"I'm following orders," he protested, elbowing Clark in the ribs.  "What's our excuse for meeting him here again?"

"It's not an excuse," Clark said.  "Lex called me earlier today.  Said he wanted to introduce me to some girl he's seeing -- Carly or Casey or something."

"Pretty nice deal you got.  Veto power on the Luthor babes.  Lots of guys wanting that job, buddy." 

Clark just rolled his eyes at Pete's ribbing.  It wasn't like Lex was actually looking for Clark's approval or anything like that.  It's just -- well, they were friends, and that's just a thing guys did.  You meet a girl, you like her, and you want your buddies to like her, too.  Right?

At least this time, Clark thought with relief, he was prepared for the introduction.  Not like walking in on Lex and Victoria making out on the desk in Lex's study, or like meeting his wack-job of a fiancée in the school parking lot. 

This time, Clark knew what he was walking into.  He wouldn't be caught like a deer in headlights, stunned and confused, having to wrestle his jumbled feelings down to the pit of his stomach.

This time, his mental hammer was all ready to mercilessly beat down the jealous feelings that rose up whenever he saw some girl pawing all over Lex.

Because it was stupid -- no, worse -- it was useless to feel anything like that for Lex, because Lex would never have those kind of feelings for Clark.  They joked and talked and hung out, but that was all.  The squishy, fluttery, uncomfortable, scary and... exhilarating...  feelings Lex stirred up in him just had to be relegated to the bottom of the 'secrets' pile. 

Which was fine.  No, really.  Nothing was going to happen there, so it wasn't worth thinking about.  Had Lex ever given him a sign that there was even a remote possibility of anything romantic or (gulp) sexual happening between them?

No.  Not one.  And if there had been, Clark would have been all over it.  All over Lex --

-- Kind of like the guy Lex was holding hands with.

Pete's elbow connected with Clark's ribs again.  "Dude!  I thought you said we were here to meet his girlfriend!"

"I did... I thought... he said...." Clark trailed off. 

Pete grabbed him by the shoulders so they were facing one another.  "Clark.  What exactly did he say when you talked to him?"

Clark closed his eyes, recalling the conversation.  "Okay.  He asked if I was going to be around later.  I asked why.  He said we should meet up at the Talon, because he wanted me to meet Casey, his new paramour." 

He looked at Pete with wide, panicked eyes.  "Oh my God.  He never said it was a girl.  I just assumed...."

Pete snorted.  "'Paramour.'  He even talks like a pompous rich guy."  Clark glared at him, which promptly derailed that particular train of thought. 

"Okay, not important now," Pete continued.  "Hey, Clark," he said, suddenly puzzled.  "Are you not okay with Lex being... with him seeing a guy?"

The look in Clark's eyes made Pete shiver.  Clark would never hurt him, but then again.... Well, Clark sometimes set things on fire just by staring at them. 

Pete hung back as they entered the coffee shop.  "Hey -- catch up to you in a second.  I'm just gonna order a couple of mochas, all right?"

Clark couldn't tear his eyes away from Lex.  Watched him settle down into a table with the guy.  Felt his stomach constrict when Lex leaned across and let the guy kiss him.  On the lips.  "Whatever, Pete," he said, and headed over to Lex.

"This is seriously weird," Pete breathed.  They hadn't talked about stuff like this much -- okay, at all -- but Pete never would have pegged his friend as homophobic.  Judging from Clark's reaction, though, that had to be the case.  "What else could it be?" Pete wondered.

Lex stood up as Clark approached the table.

"Clark!"  he said warmly.  "I'm glad you're here.  Allow me to introduce you to Casey, my friend."

The way his mouth caressed that last word gave lie to the shades of meaning behind it.  'Friend.'  Friend, companion, partner, lover....

At that moment, Clark allowed twelve years of cultivated self-control to take a hard-earned vacation. 

"Casey, is it?" Clark asked, eyes blazing.  He managed -- but only just barely -- not to set anything on fire.  "Nice to meet you, Casey."

Clark turned his attention back to Lex.  "And thank you for introducing us, Lex."  Clark reached out and grabbed Pete by the sleeve as he walked to the table.

"Hey, Pete, let me introduce you to Casey," Clark said.  "This is Casey.  He's Lex's friend.  Actually, if you want to be specific, he's Lex's new boyfriend.  Yeah, that's right.  I saw them kissing before.  Holding hands, too.  Kind of explains why Lex has been blowing me off for days."

Clark never let go of Pete's sleeve as he continued.   "But I don't care, so it's cool.  It doesn't bother me.  I'm totally okay with this.  Why should I care?  Doesn't make a difference, right?"

He took a breath, and his voice began to rise.  "It's all right, I'm fine.  It doesn't matter to me that for the last year I've watched him parade around with a bunch of slutty looking women with big tits, and now I find out he's attracted to guys.  Why would that matter?"

Pete nervously tried to wrest his sleeve out of Clark's grip.  "It's not like I've been sitting around my house waiting for him to show up in his fancy car to tell me that all those looks he gives me do mean something and that I'm not crazy for thinking about him all the damn time, and... and...."  He pinned the couple with his gaze.

"Why the hell should it matter that he's gay and it's not like I care who he sleeps with or does anything with and, oh great, we'll still be friends and this doesn't change anything except you know what?  It does.  It changes everything."  Clark took a quick breath.  "So, nice to meet you, Casey, and I hope you're having a great time fucking Lex and blowing him and... and...  hell, tying him up or whatever else you do with each other, and you know what...."

Casey's eyes went huge as he began to cast longing looks toward the door.  Clark leaned closer to him and growled, "Make sure you don't tell me about it, because I don't want to hear it, and I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but if I never see you again it'll probably be better because... because right now... I'm so jealous I could choke someone, and it'd probably be you."  Clark glared at him as the other occupants of the table stared in amazed, awkward silence.

Rant over, Clark let go of Pete and turned to leave.  Winced as he noticed just how many people were around.  Hoped that by some bizarre accident of fate, every single person in the Talon tonight was a first-time customer from out of town.  Or out of state.

Clark felt a soft touch at his elbow as he walked out the door. 

"Clark?" Pete whispered.  "You could have...."

"Pete," he pleaded.  "I can't do this now, okay?  Just... not now."  And Clark ran down the street, remembering just in time to rein himself to a humanlike pace.

Pete stared after him, wonder and something approaching understanding in his eyes.  If that's what this has all been about... he thought.  Well then.  This does change everything.

Pete turned and marched back into the Talon.  Lex had heard what Clark had to say; now it was Pete's turn to talk.

Pete grinned.  He was really going to enjoy this.

Martha noticed her son running towards the house at a normal speed.

Normal for other people, that was.  Definitely unusual for him to be so leisurely with nobody else around.

"Clark?" she called as he entered the kitchen.  "Something wrong?"

If the running hadn't given it away, the flushed, strained look on his face certainly would have.  "No, Mom, I'm fine," he muttered.

"Sweetheart," Martha started.  "You know you can tell me anything..."

"Anything?"  he sputtered.  "You know what, Mom?  Maybe there are some things I don't want to tell you.  Maybe there are some things about me that you don't want to know.  Did you ever think of that?  So just back off."

Clark went right back out the door and headed for the loft.  "Good going, Kent," he muttered darkly.  "Throw a freaking hissy fit at the Talon, pretty much come out and admit you're hot for Lex -- in front of Pete! -- and then come home and smart off to your mother.  Chloe's already pissed at you and Lana's been giving you weird looks for months now.  You've officially managed to either piss off or disgust everyone you care about.  Way to go, dumbass."

Clark slumped to the floor and waited, sure that something rotten would happen soon.

Clark didn't bother to look in the direction of the footsteps approaching the loft.  More than likely it was his dad coming to give him a stern lecture about the tone of voice Clark had used with his mother.

"Guess you didn't tell me everything you were keeping secret."  A statement, not a question, and Clark was surprised to hear Pete's voice.

Clark struggled to think of a story -- a lie -- for a second, then gave up.  "I've already given you so much stuff to freak out over; I didn't think you'd want to hear this too."

Pete smiled and shook his head.  "Come on, Clark.  Give me some credit.  It only took me a couple days to get used to the idea you're not human -- you being gay is nothing compared to that."

Clark's eyebrows shot up in response.  "Well... it's not nothing," Pete amended.  "It's pretty major.  But did you really think you couldn't tell me?"

"Like I wanted you to think I was even weirder?" Clark shot back.  "You're the first person I told about the whole alien thing.  I was kind of enjoying being able to talk to someone besides my parents about all this weird shit, and... I don't know."  His voice dropped to a whisper.  "I just didn't want to lose that so soon."

"You're not gonna," Pete replied.  "Do you really think I care who you're attracted to?  Or that I'm too insecure to be friends with a gay guy?"  He looked at Clark with what he hoped was reassurance.  "Look, the way I figure, who knows what's normal for you?  If it was me, I'd be happy that mailboxes or the cows or something seriously weird wasn't turning me on.  Besides," he said, only half joking, "this also means more ladies for me."

Clark cracked a real smile for what felt like the first time in days.   

"Now, if you're past the point where you feel like you're gonna tear somebody's arms off..." Pete searched Clark's face for confirmation.  "Good.  Then I think there's someone you need to talk to."

Clark flinched.  He'd planned to apologize to his mom, but he'd wanted to give it a little more time first.

Pete stood up and made a 'come here' gesture in the direction of the stairs.  "Now, if you can promise me the two of you will behave, I'll make sure that Clark's parents sit tight in the house for a while.  Do we have a deal, gentlemen?"

Clark spun around, not quite willing to believe who he thought Pete had dragged up to the loft.

Lex shrugged one shoulder and glanced in Clark's direction.  "I can if you can."

Clark opened and closed his mouth a few times, much like a fish gasping for breath.

Pete smiled and headed down the stairs.  "Oh, yes, my job here is done, and I do believe I smell some apple pie baking.  Good work, Mr. Ross, good work."

Clark sat on the couch, a full cushion's worth of space between him and Lex.  "What about... what about the guy?"

Lex managed a look Clark hadn't seen on him before -- embarrassment.  "Casey?  He's a friend from back in my wilder days.  I needed a favor, and I knew he'd be able to handle what I was asking him to do."

"What kind of a favor did you need from him?"  Clark asked, skeptical and a little hurt.

Lex shook his head, a thin, tight smile on his lips.  "Haven't you figured that out yet?" 

Clark hung his head and pretended to study a seam on the sofa cushion.  "Wouldn't ask if I knew," he grumbled.

"It was immature, I admit, but it seemed like a good idea."  Lex ran his hand over his head and took a deep breath.  "Since it didn't seem to bother you when Victoria was around, and since you said you were only upset about Desiree because you knew I wasn't myself, I decided to... change one of the variables in the equation."

Leave it to Lex to try to reduce interpersonal relationships to algebra, Clark thought with a smile.  "So you substituted an 'xy' for the 'xx'.  Have you come up with a solution yet?"

"Not yet," he answered.  "I was hoping you could help me with that."

Clark nodded.  "I might be able to," he said, and slowly moved towards the middle of the couch.  "What kind of help were you looking for?"

Little sparks of happiness began dancing in Lex's eyes.  "Any help you offered would be gratefully accepted, I'm sure."

Clark breathed a little heavier, and his voice dropped a notch.  "I'm not exactly sure where to start -- with the help, that is."

Lex raised a finger to Clark's mouth and traced a feathery outline.  "Right here would be a good starting point, " he suggested, "if you're interested."

Clark nodded a tiny nod, not wanting Lex's fingers to leave his mouth.  Realizing that Lex was waiting for a sign of assent, he parted his lips and gently licked the tip of Lex's finger.

And that was all it took.  Warm, soft, wet lips met his, long arms wrapped around him, and he reached out to pull Lex even closer.

Too soon, Lex pulled his face away, looking into Clark's eyes.  "Does this mean you forgive me?"

Clark looked at the other man, confused.  "For what?"

"For manipulating you -- for making sure you saw me with Casey."

"Oh." Clark put on his best lost-in-thought face.  "Let me see.  Well... no.  I don't."

Lex looked crushed.  "You don't?"

"Nope," Clark said happily.  "I guess you'll just have to think of a way to make it up to me."

Lex looked at him with relief.  "I have ways, believe me."

"I can't wait," Clark grinned, and put his arms around Lex again.

~fin~