Title: Know Me
Author: Toeh
Email: papersamuri@hotmail.com
Rating: PG
Challenge: Let Me Go – Three Doors Down
Summary: Clark loves Lex, but doesn’t know who he is.

Eyes closed, Lex savored the feel of Clark holding him close.  He let the bee stung lips rub and nudge against his own - neatly sliding his tongue past the parted sentries to taste the dregs of a cherry life saver.  Large, strong hands held his hips - both of them still a little too shy to openly grope each other.  Lex felt Clark almost sigh, his tongue sliding along Lex's as one hand slip up to press the center of Lex's back crushing them together. 

Clark froze, and the kiss broke, leaving Lex breathless and disoriented. He blinked up into green eyes, and then saw the too-close ceiling behind Clark's head.  His body grew aware of his position very, very high off the floor.   

Clark's floating - their eyes met and they both knew it. 

Lex swallowed.  One more kiss - just ignore the whole damned thing - could be the best thing in his life.   

"I - "Lex attacked Clark's mouth, devouring the words that tried to escape - which would inevitably lead to a lie.  One more lie - ONE more and it would be over.  He'd sworn not to take it anymore.  They had a shaky truce of silence for now.  Even as he held Clark's head still, preventing retreat and thus preventing the end.  Every lie between them swelled in the air making it hard to breathe. 

He let Clark draw back; his own eyes squeezed shut so he couldn't see it coming.  His lies were as bad as his best friend's - without what was probably a noble sentiment.  It was selfish to want absolute honesty without recompense.   

"You're not something I deserve." Lex murmured, his eyes still closed as he pretended not to notice the whole floating thing.  He felt a smile near his ear. 

"I love you." Clark whispered softly.  Lex's world stopped - it wasn't 'the' truth he wanted, but it wasn't a lie.  He hoped. 

Blue eyes found green.  Lex couldn't breath, couldn't think.  Clark was all the thought that could fit in his head.  Clark loved him.  Clark was floating - but not looking away, not lying.  He loved him.   

Something like worry flashed in Clark's eyes and they plummeted, landing on the couch with a muffled gasp as Clark's full weight landed on him. 

 A thousand fantasies flittered through Lex's mind - day dreams of making love to Clark that had very recently looked less like fantasy. This was real - Clark holding him - in love with him. 

You love me.  Truth: Dr. Hamilton, Nixon...a dozen other tiny secrets.  You don't know who I am.

The twin pulls of ambition and something that could be love - between the life he was making and the plans he'd made. It would tear Clark apart. Clark loved loved him, but he didn't know - not by half - the darkness that welled inside him. It would kill some of that innocence.  It would kill Clark. 

Smiling weakly, Lex let Clark cuddle him.  He'd put it in motion tomorrow - begin a campaign to make Clark see it - to begin letting Clark let him go. 

-------10 years ------- 

Settled on the dome of the Planet, Superman watched the lights of LexCorp's penthouse flicker off.  He tried not to picture Lex settling in for the night, but failing, he wished he were there to take the leaner man in his arms.   

 Once again, he turned his back on the tallest building in Metropolis and on the man he still loved.  How could that love be a good thing when suffering was all it caused - all Clark ever seemed to go through? 

An explosion - Lex's penthouse lit up in a ball of fire.  Flame and glass rained down on the streets of Metropolis.   

Lex is all that fits in Clark's head.  Save Lex.  He's in the fire and rubble, blowing away the smoke to find Lex.  He sees him, knocked out behind his bar - probably got up for a nightcap.  Even at super speed, Clark didn't make it to Lex before the ceiling fell in.  The world collapsed with it. 

 Clark blinks and they're at his place.  Lex cradled in his arms like a baby with the acrid scent of smoke and ash filling the air.  He'll never remember tearing through the debris like it was paper mache or the flight there.  Trauma's like that - stealing moments when you least expect.   

 The heartbeat now was just below regular - strong enough that he wasn't worried.  Nothing broken or bleeding.  His body relaxes without any conscious thought.  He pretends this is how they are - that Lex is still his to hold - that that summer wasn't a dream - that their time together never ended.  

He's not blind and in hindsight - Lex pushed him away to protect him from Lionel and the idea someone put in Lex's head that he was an evil Luthor and nothing could change that. 

 Lex loved him, but didn't know the truth - who he was.  Clark looked down at his primary red, blue and yellow suit.  He could change - say Superman dropped Lex here as a safe house until they know who planted the bomb, but he didn't.  Not this time.  He wanted to give Lex the truth - always had, but he could give Lex so much more than truth.  He knew almost everything the smaller man had done - some good, a lot of bad, but all true.  Blue eyes met green and Clark's crying. 

 Lex had loved him, but how would he feel now? Ten years later - when he finds out that he never really knew who Clark was...  Clark felt the urge to run, but between losing all he had and losing Lex again - it was a little frightening how easy that choice really was.   

Not bothering with Superman's voice, Clark brushed soot off Lex's cheek.  Blue eyes opened slightly, glassy without that spark of Lex behind them.   

 "You okay?" 

 Those eyes focused slowly, but not on the uniform.  Recognition blossomed and with it love. "Clark?"  Lex smiled as he spoke - all his defenses down for the moment.   

"Yeah.  I - uh - your house blew up."   Smooth, Kent.  Very Smooth.

 Lex touched his face, but faltered.  His eyes slid up to the slicked hair then down to the giant 'S' almost between them.  Confusion - then comprehension dawned.  Clark fought a flinch.  Hard as he might try, Clark couldn't escape the feeling that he was about to lose Lex. 

Lex's world was almost right, almost perfect.  Clark holding him close with tenderness on that familiar, beloved face.  Then all those almost-whole pieces of himself fell apart. 

Oh god. Oh god. "Oh God. Oh God."

 Clark swallowed - seeing Lex get it - really get it.  "No one -” He swallowed again - his voice too rough.  "You're the only one who knows.  Mom and Dad - yeah, but Pete's dead and no one else..." 

 Love in those familiar green eyes had Lex's chest aching.  Clark shouldn’t still love him.  Why did he trust him now? After all he'd done?  Lex made a point of being a bastard - someone no good little Kent would love.  Didn't Clark KNOW who he was? What he was? 

He wanted to give in, to have this life, but he couldn't just abandon his stand.  Clark's love or not, he was dangerous for Clark - his lovely farm boy just didn't know it. 

 He pushed at the massive chest.  "Let me go!"  He croaked, pushing harder.  "Just let me go!" 

 Clark gave Lex room, setting him on the bed, and moving to sit beside him.  "I always wanted to tell you." 

 "You love me."  Lex managed, still awed by that, trying to think of an out.  A little smile, then a warm brush of fingers over his jaw had Lex's eyes watering.  "But you don't -" 

 Nodding Clark cut him off.  "You love me."  He was leaning over Lex, smiling like that was all that mattered. 

"But you don't -" 

 Big fingers silenced him, pressing on his lips, and body memory - the taste of Clark and sunshine and the musty smell of wood and hay.  "You Love Me." he whispered against that finger, kissing it with each syllable.  "But you don't know who I am." 

 "I know your schemes always seem to leave just enough clues that I can stop them before anyone really gets hurt." Clark kissed his jaw.  When had he moved so close? Lex couldn't remember.  Clark didn't know, had to be shown.  Had to see it. 

 "But you don't know me." he could feel Clark's lips just over his own.  His whole world filled up with Clark.   

Clark smiled.  "I know you better than you know yourself.  And if you think I'm giving up on you, then you don't know who I am." 

The End

Let Me Go, by 3 Doors Down

One more kiss could be the best thing
But one more lie could be the worst
And all these thoughts are never resting
And you're not something I deserve

In my head there's only you now
This world falls on me
In this world there's real and make believe
And this seems real to me

You love me but you don't know who I am
I'm tore between this life I lead and where I stand
And you love me but you don't know who I am
So let me go
Let me go

I dream ahead to what I hope for
And I turn my back on loving you
How can this love be a good thing
When I know what I'm goin through

In my head there's only you now
This world falls on me
In this world there's real and make believe
And this seems real to me

You love me but you don't know who I am
I'm tore between this life I lead and where I stand
You love me but you don't know who I am
So let me go
Just Let me goo...
Let me go

And no matter how hard I try
I can't escape these things inside I know
I knowww..
When all the pieces fall apart
You will be the only one who knows
Who knows

You love me but you don't know who I am
I'm tore between this life I lead and where I stand
And you love me but you don't know Who I am
So let me go
Just let me go

and you me but you don't
you love me but you don't
you love me but you don't know who I am
and you love me but you don't
you love me but you don't
you love me but you don't know me