Lex was still seething even after slamming the door.  He couldn’t believe that he’d allowed himself that small loss of control, but he’d had quite enough of people telling him how much life would change after he’d chosen a woman. 

The whole point of this exercise was to make his life as stable as possible while waiting for Clark to choose someone he loved and wanted to make a life with.  Once Clark had done so, Lex could make his own decisions. 

The way he saw it, choosing a woman this way was the least risky thing he could do. He wasn’t risking his heart or his pride by choosing a woman whose motives were clear.  No woman went on television wanting to find love – at least, Lex didn’t believe so.  

He could see how Clark might think that things would change. Any reasonable person might believe that change would happen; women generally weren’t tolerant of best friends who were over all the time, but Lex didn’t imagine that his life would be that way. 

The plan was to ensconce his wife in another residence and keep the penthouse as his escape.  He didn’t have to spend all of his time with the woman he married.  If his previous experiences were anything to go by, whatever woman he chose would be grateful not to spend time in his presence. 

He knew that Clark would be appalled by his seeming lack of interest in actually getting to know his future spouse, but he and Clark had never really seen eye to eye on relationships anyway. 

Clark believed in “true love.” He believed in commitment and happily ever after and all of that.  Lex couldn’t imagine it.  He’d seen it, sort of, with Jonathan and Martha, but even that seemed bumpier than what Clark imagined a relationship to be.  Lex had been in enough relationships to know that Clark’s way was the sure way to pain, injury, and possibly death.  He wasn’t going down that road again.  He just wasn’t. 

Clark wasn’t sure what to expect when Lex came out of his room the next morning.  Lex might just act like nothing had ever happened; he could refuse to look at or speak to Clark, or he could simply not be in the penthouse at all. 

Clark x-rayed Lex’s room to make sure he wasn’t there and then tried not to punch anything. Somehow, superhearing had failed him and Lex had made it out of the penthouse without seeing Clark. 

He grabbed a baseball cap and covered his head before he went searching for Lex. He ran into Enrique before he made it out the front door. 

“Master Lex requested that I assist you with your personal needs this morning, Master Clark,” Enrique said. 

“My . . . personal needs?” 

Enrique gestured delicately toward Clark’s ball cap. 

“HE TOLD YOU!” Clark shouted. 

“He said that you’d been the victim of a prank and that you needed assistance with the diversionary device he had obtained to prevent the pranksters from becoming aware that they were successful.” Enrique smiled blandly while making air quotes with his fingers. “Aside from that, Master Clark, I already had this information.” 

“Oh,” Clark said, blushing. “Do you know where Lex is?” 

He had an early meeting this morning that he expected to run through to the afternoon.  If I can be of assistance, Master Clark.” 

“Oh, um, thanks.  I think I’ll just stay in today.” Clark did not want to give Lex an excuse not to help him in the future. If Enrique did manage to get the wig attached properly, it was likely that Clark wouldn’t see Lex again until the live show. 

“If you should change your mind . . .” 

“I know where to find you,” Clark finished the familiar sentence. 

“Indeed, Master Clark.” Enrique turned and disappeared into the relatively unexplored servants’ section of the penthouse. 

Clark knew he was going to have to work – hard – to draw Lex out again. He knew that no one else would understand why he felt like he had to do it; hell, he only half understood it himself.  But he couldn’t imagine his life without Lex. 

He had been without Lex before, and he never wanted to do that again.  He wasn’t sure why he’d agreed to help with this stupid show, anyway.  How was he supposed to stay with Lex if some woman was involved? 

If only he’d figured out, before now, that he was in love with Lex, everything would be different.  Oh, who was he kidding?  Even if he’d known before, he still wouldn’t have done anything.  He’d have been too afraid that Lex would hate him forever or would refuse to speak to him or . . . return his feelings. 

Damn, it had never occurred to him that he was at least as afraid of Lex feeling the same way as he was of Lex hating him for feeling the way that he did. What would happen, he wondered, if he did tell Lex how he felt?  What if Lex was interested in him *that way*? 

How would that work? Lex was a billionaire playboy and was on the cover of magazines that everybody read.  Clark was raised on a farm. And what if they did get together?  What would happen if they ever broke up? Clark didn’t even want to think about it.  

He couldn’t imagine hating Lex, but if they didn’t make it, would Lex hate him? He imagined that the answer would be yes, and Lex hated with the heat of a white hot sun.  They would be enemies. 

Was it worth risking it?  Would it be worth it if Lex ended up hating him? Clark wasn’t sure he knew the answer to that one, but he also knew that he had to do something because he wasn’t sure that he could live with the alternative. He was going to have to take a stand and do something so Lex understood what Clark really wanted. 

All he needed to do was find the courage to do it.  His father would say that fortune favors the brave, or something like that. Well, he could be brave if he had to.  Now all he had to do was find Lex and make him listen. 

Lex sat at his desk, staring at his laptop, wondering if he was going to get through the next few days. He wasn’t sure whether he’d be happy or sad if Clark was gone when he finally went back to the penthouse.  He was used to being alone, and he could make it alone, but he’d started to get used to having Clark around. 

His father would tell him that Clark made him weak. Clark made him less of a man because Lex wanted to be part of his life on whatever terms Clark would let him in. He knew, though, that he had to be focused and strong on this next part of the game or he would lose and lose big. 

He had a lot riding on the outcome of the show.  He could get his father off of his back once and for all if he chose a wife and produced an heir. He could make the Kents stop looking at him speculatively, as if they thought this was the time that he was going to corrupt their son and prove all of their fears justified.  He could even show Clark that he would be okay when Clark found someone.  He knew that was inevitable; he knew it.  But he also knew that Clark viewed him as needy and somewhat fragile. Clark hadn’t really dated since he’d moved to Metropolis.  Most people assumed it was the mourning of the end of his relationship with Lana.  

Lex knew different.  Clark had committed, in his own way, to Lex.  He wasn’t going to leave or ‘abandon’ Lex until he was sure Lex was taken care of.  Too much of the savior in that boy. . . man. . . whatever. Lex was just going to have to prove, again, that a Luthor can stand on his own.  He was going to have to prove that he didn’t need Clark. 

Lex started to shake just thinking about having to prove that.  He didn’t know if he knew how to be, anymore, without Clark, but he was going to have to find a way. He believed that this show was a way to make it seem like he could do it.  What happened after he got Clark squared away, he wasn’t sure, but he knew he needed to do it.  He needed to do one unselfish thing in his life, and letting Clark go would be the most singularly unselfish thing he’d ever done in his life. 

Clark spent the afternoon wracking his brain trying to come up with a way to draw Lex out.  His hair ploy wouldn’t work this time, and the two times he’d called down, Mitchell had deflected him, first saying that Lex was in meetings, and then telling him Lex was out of the office. Clark was frustrated, but he didn’t have the nerve to barge into Lex’s office again.  If he wanted the friendship to end completely, that’s what he’d do. 

He wasn’t quite sure how to approach this whole thing with Lex.  He wasn’t quite ready to put himself all the way out there, but he knew if he didn’t at least give Lex a clue, he would definitely never know if there was a chance for them.  He was going to have to take a chance, but he just didn’t know what to say. 

Whenever he’d tried to talk to Lex about feelings and, specifically, feelings between them, he’d gotten so tongue-tied that Lex assumed he was trying to talk about Lana Lang.  Why would he do that, anyway? He hadn’t been interested in Lana since high school.  She didn’t want to leave Smallville; Clark couldn’t stay.  He wasn’t meant to live out his life there; he knew that now.  

He also knew that he was meant to live it out with Lex in his life – in whatever capacity he could persuade Lex to take.  Clark hoped he could convince Lex that maybe, just maybe, being in a relationship with Clark was worth all of the hassle. 

Of course, there was the fact that Lex had determinedly persuaded everyone in the country of his heterosexuality over the last few weeks.  No one watching him with Veronica could be left with any doubts that Lex liked women.  He was, in most ways, eradicating the previous understanding of himself as a playboy who had sex with anyone. 

Clark was so deep in thought that he didn’t hear the door open and didn’t realize Lex was there until he felt a hand on his shoulder. 

“Whaaa-----“ Clark jumped and spun on the person who had snuck up on him. “Lex?” 

“Enrique tells me that you ditched school today.”

“I – uh – ”

“See, this is why you need to go to school, Clark,” Lex said with a smirk. “You learn more about words and how to use them.” 

“I thought you were mad at me.” 

“I’m unhappy with the situation, Clark.  I, perhaps, have taken it out on you in the last few days. For that, I apologize.” Lex looked somewhat contrite, but he also looked a bit pissed. 

“It’s okay, Lex.” 

“No, it’s not okay, Clark.  If things were okay, you wouldn’t be sitting in a dark room staring at your hands.  I’ve clearly made things uncomfortable for you and given the situation I should have been more sensitive to your needs.” 

“You’re the one who’s making a life-changing decision, Lex.” 

“I am only making a choice between two women, Clark.  You’re dealing with a much more significant life event at the moment and I think that requires me to show more sensitivity than I have.”  Lex frowned. “If anyone knows how traumatic this situation is, it should be me.” 

Clark felt the blood drain from his face – well, assuming what ran in his veins was blood – at Lex’s reminder of his role in Lex’s own traumatic event. 

“Clark?” 

Clark started to look up and realized that Lex was squatting in front of him. 

“Clark, are you okay?” 

“I’m fine, Lex.” 

“You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” Lex placed a hand on Clark’s forehead. “Well, you’re not any warmer than usual.” 

Clark shook off the hand and said, “I’m fine, Lex.  I just didn’t like the way we left things last night.” 

“I am sorry, Clark.  I shouldn’t expect others to understand my reasoning.  It seems that everyone is anticipating a significant change in the status quo except me.” Lex raised a hand to forestall Clark’s obvious objection. “I don’t think I’m being unrealistic, Clark.  I’m a Luthor; things are different for me than they would be for others in a similar situation.” 

“How do you figure?” Clark asked as he pulled Lex up to sit beside him. 

“Enrique, Cook, and the rest will stay here at the penthouse where you and I can avail ourselves of their services when we choose.  The woman I choose will have another residence here in Metropolis where she will live and I will reside when necessary.” 

“You aren’t planning to live with your wife, Lex?”

 “I believe my previous matrimonial experiences demonstrate why that would be an unwise course of action.” 

“Uh huh,” Clark said, unconvinced. “Have you shared this plan with the women involved?” 

“I have not.  There are certain privileges that come with being obscenely rich.  One of them is the right to have certain eccentricities that would, in other people, seem bizarre, but in a wealthy man, would seem possibly understandable.” 

“And given your previous string of murderous spouses, very few people would wonder why you’d want to have some space between you and your new wife.” 

“Exactly,” Lex smiled and patted Clark’s knee.  “I think you’re beginning to understand the situation more clearly.” 

“But you can’t possibly want it that way, can you?” Clark’s brow was furrowed as he tried to decipher the workings of Lex’s mind. 

“I don’t see an alternative.” 

“But there could be one.”

 “Really?” Lex raised an eyebrow and gestured at Clark, “Continue.  I’m intrigued.” 

“Well, you don’t have to marry anyone right now.” Clark held his breath after making the statement. 

“While that’s true, Clark, doesn’t it seem to only forestall the inevitable?” 

“The inevitable?” 

“Yes, eventually, I will have to marry someone.  So why postpone what will happen eventually anyway?” 

“But you can marry someone who loves you.” 

“I consider it incredibly unlikely that I will ever find someone who I can trust to love me and not just my name, Clark.”  Lex frowned. “Besides, I tried that once and ended up on an extended island vacation.” 

Clark winced.  He hated it when Lex brought up Helen. “But what if there was someone, Lex.  Someone who really loved you and wanted to be with you and wanted nothing more than for you to be happy.” 

Lex studied Clark carefully. “What are you saying, Clark?” 

“I’m saying, you don’t have to throw your life away on a fake marriage when you could have the real thing.” 

“It wouldn’t be a fake, Clark.  Whether I marry Delia or Marnie, the marriage will be real.  She will be my wife with all the benefits and privileges that being a Luthor entails.” 

“What if you could be happy, though, wouldn’t that count for something?” 

“I’m a Luthor; I don’t get to be happy.” 

“That’s bullshit, Lex.” 

“It’s not, Clark.  I don’t get to be happy.  I have to be responsible and make sure that the Luthor name continues.” 

“But couldn’t you do that with someone you love?” 

“Where am I going to find this mythical person, Clark?  Every person I’ve been involved with has tried to kill me.” 

“I’ve never tried to kill you,” Clark exclaimed hotly. 

“We’re not involved, Clark.” 

“Then what are we?”

“Where are you going with this, Clark?” Lex demanded, suddenly worried that he was about to watch his friendship with Clark disappear after all he’d done to keep it. 

“I’m just trying to get you to see that it doesn’t have to be this way.  You can wait until you do love someone and then you can get married.” Clark suppressed the shudder of dread he felt that the person might not be him, but it could be, if he played this right. 

“So your plan is what, exactly?” 

“You could wait to get married until you find someone you can love to marry.” 

“So you keep saying, but you haven’t explained what I’m supposed to do in the meantime.  How do I explain to my father, and everyone else, that I went through this time consuming and expensive process to find a spouse only to reject two viable possibilities?” 

“Didn’t you tell me once that if you can only see two alternatives, you aren’t trying hard enough?” 

“I’m already seeing three alternatives, Clark.  Delia is one alternative, Marnie is the second, and being alone is the third.” Lex closed his eyes so he wouldn’t have to look at Clark’s earnest face anymore.  He didn’t understand what Clark wanted from him, but at this moment it felt no different from his father and his father’s expectations.  He was having to guess and then try to jump through a hoop of indeterminate size.  He couldn’t see why Clark was putting them both through this.  Their friendship wouldn’t have to change.  He would do nothing to jeopardize it for as long as Clark wanted to be friends with him. 

“But what if there’s a fourth alternative?” Clark asked softly. 

“What?  What am I missing?” Lex was perplexed. “I just don’t know what else I could do.  Marry Chloe?” 

“NO!” Clark shouted. He wanted to just curl up in a ball and forget that he’d started this whole thing. 

“Then what, Clark?” 

“What about me?”

 “What about you?  We’re best friends, Clark.  I’m not going to abandon you because I’m doing this.  I’m doing this so we can remain friends.” 

Clark fought hard to keep his face from showing anything.  He knew that Lex could read him easily, but he didn’t want Lex to realize just how devastated he was by Lex’s quick brush off of Clark’s declaration. “How does this help us remain friends?” 

“It ends any untoward speculation about the nature of our relationship and allows us to spend time together without question.  I can’t imagine how difficult it has gotten for you over the years – being friends with me – and now I’ve found a way to ease that burden.” 

“It’s never been a burden, Lex.” Clark couldn’t believe that Lex would think their friendship was nothing more than a burden for him. 

“You can’t tell me that you haven’t had to deal with unpleasant situations because of our friendship.” 

“I just don’t think it was as bad as you think it was.” 

“So no one has ever asked you about being my boy toy?” 

“Uh, no,” Clark denied quickly. 

“Oh, well, I assumed that, well, never mind.” 

“You assumed what?” 

“I assumed that some of my youthful indiscretions had caused you discomfort.” Lex cleared his throat. “I’m sorry, but I need to get some rest.  The next couple of days are going to be hectic.” 

“Will I see you before the show?” 

“I’ll help you get your hair in place before the show, but I’m going to be extremely busy.  I can’t do this without knowing that you’re going to be okay and in the audience to support me.” 

“I’ll be there, Lex.” Clark said, hoping that Lex wouldn’t realize how much his heart was breaking. He hugged Lex and then watched him leave the room.  Clark buried his face in his pillow and tried, desperately, to sleep so that the humiliation of the last hour would stop haunting him. 

In another couple of days, Lex would make his choice and Clark’s hair would come back.  And then he could figure out how he was going to recover from a broken heart.

TBC . . .

Standing Outside the Fire, by Garth Brooks

We call them cool
Those hearts that have no scars to show
The ones that never do let go
And risk the tables being turned

We call them fools
Who have to dance within the flame
Who chance the sorrow and the shame
That always comes with getting burned

But you've got to be tough when consumed by desire
'Cause it's not enough just to stand outside the fire

We call them strong
Those who can face this world alone
Who seem to get by on their own
Those who will never take the fall

We call them weak
Who are unable to resist
The slightest chance love might exist
And for that forsake it all

They're so hell-bent on giving ,walking a wire
Convinced it's not living if you stand outside the fire

Standing outside the fire
Standing outside the fire
Life is not tried, it is merely survived
If you're standing outside the fire

There's this love that is burning
Deep in my soul
Constantly yearning to get out of control
Wanting to fly higher and higher
I can't abide
Standing outside the fire

Standing outside the fire
Standing outside the fire
Life is not tried, it is merely survived
If you're standing outside the fire

Standing outside the fire
Standing outside the fire
Life is not tried, it is merely survived
If you're standing outside the fire