Title:A Diligent Student
Author:Ellidyay ellidyay@gmail.com
Rating:Pg-13
Disclaimer: I Dont own Smallville. Dont sue!
Challenge: Perpetual student (I took it wrongly, meaning someone who
never stops studying but I threw in the "someone who never picks a
major and stays in college forever" definition too)

"Dude, you live a mundane existence."

Clark rolled not looking up at his roommate. "I'm studying, Derek. Why
don't you go play in traffic or something?"

Derek laughed.

It was a little spooky, how much Derek reminded Clark of Whitney.
Blond hair, blue eyes, dating one of the most popular girls in school,
quarterback on the football team. Only Derek Morrison had never tied
him to a cross and left him there. Derek had also never been anything
but friendly, if pushy in his desire to get Clark out of the dorm and
into the NYU campus' social scene. He was also, thankfully, completely
oblivious to the small and notably odd aspects of Clark, which was one
of the reasons he was able to share a living space with the other man.

"Not a big fan of the street pizza, dude. So I'll have to take a rain
check on that one." He slapped his hand down on the text book Clark
was reading, attempting to block his view.

Kicking on his x-ray vision, Clark continued to read, through Derek's
hand. Three of his knuckles were plastic replacements for fingers that
had been crushed, causing odd clear spots where bones should have
been.

"You need to get out of this room." It was an old song. Derek and
Clark had been roommates for the past two years due to the
inexplicable idiosyncrasies of the housing office.

"I'm on the newspaper," Clark shot back.

"Yeah. Which gets you into all the parties, where you never drink,
never get laid, never dance. In fact in the four semesters I've known
you, I don't think I've EVER seen you enjoy yourself. You're a
perpetual frigging student man. It's really very sad. You need a life
in a big way."

"Gee, thanks." Clark said. When they had been freshmen, this had
bothered Clark. But not anymore. Now it was a minor annoyance
tolerated in exchange for a roommate who wasn't completely disgusting
and paid half the rent.

"You're coming out with me and Maggie tonight. No." Derek ordered.
"You can't have a rain check; yes you are going to have a good time;
no you don't need to study. You know the whole book already!"

"Derek, don't do this. You know I hate it."

"You hate everything that's not studying or that girl…your friend. The
cute blonde one who would so jump your bones if you let her. So I say
again, you don't have a choice. You're gonna come out with me and
Mags, and you are gonna enjoy it."

Derek was on the football team. He benched an obscene amount and was
one of the strongest humans Clark knew. So really, without revealing
his secret, there was no way to resist.

~*~*~

Clark was not having a good time. Somewhere between that ill fated day
at the mansion shortly after six months before Smallville High, and
settling down on the New York University campus (a last minute switch
on his choice from his first decision of Metropolis University) he
seemed to have lost what little people skills he had.

Sure he still could spend hours talking with Pete on the phone. Of
course he and Chloe spent countless kilobytes of memory on emails. But
he'd never been very good with new people. Always having to hide and
lie made making friends difficult and while Clark was a nice guy, he
was off-putting and aloof for his own protection.

So, instead he studied. He studied long and hard and was great in all
of his classes. In college, it was all right to excel. Excellence at a
university level did not equate with abnormality but rather with drive
and desire to exceed.

He was an honors student with a heavy and copy editor of university
paper The Voice. He was busy. He was fulfilled.

"He is so lonely, Derek," Maggie whispered as she swayed in her
boyfriend's arms.

"I know."

"It's sad."

"Yeah. But he won't take help."

Maggie pouted. Clark was her friend. He was a kind, sweet, smart guy
who deserved better than a heavy text book to go home to every night.
And that was when it occurred to her. Months of dating Derek and years
of knowing Clark and it had never come to mind before then.

"Der, baby?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you know any of his off-campus friends?"

"I know his friend Chloe." Derek replied. "She's at Brown, swings into
the city on long weekends and the like. Why?"

Maggie just shrugged her shoulders. "I was just curious."

"I think you're evil." Derek laughed, catching a kick smile flit over her face.

"I am not evil, I'm wicked. And only in bed."

~*~*~

Chloe and Maggie got along well via email. She didn't learn everything
about Clark Kent. She didn't particularly want to. She simply wanted
to better understand why Clark Kent with his gorgeous body, brilliant
eyes (albeit hidden behind coke-bottle bottom glasses), and a great
smile when he bothered to flash it was hiding in his dorm.

What she gathered, from the slip ups in IM conversations with Chloe
Sullivan, was a broken heart of some kind. No specifics. No names.
Just that Clark had tried and failed at love and done a personality
180.

Maggie could handle that. She liked to think of herself as a bit of a
yenta (she'd introduced her decade older sister to her now husband at
age 6 during a trip to the park gone wrong) so this was fixable in her
eyes. And even if it wasn't, at the very least it made things a bit
more clear.

Of course, she told Derek immediately. And Derek did not take the
subtle approach to handling the situation. When Maggie found out, she
cut him off. For a month.

~*~*~

"I don't know who she was dude, but you need to get over it." Derek
declared as he entered the dorm room and plopped down onto his bed.

Clark looked up from his laptop, pushed his glasses up his nose, and
stared at Derek. "Excuse me?"

He propped his head on his head and stared right back. "The chick that
broke your heart. Man, it's been two years. Time to either let it go
or try again."

Clark saved the article he was writing and carefully closed his
laptop. "Derek, what did you smoke?"

"Nothing. I'm not on anything, I swear. You know Maggie would have
shit fits if I got stoned dude. But seriously, the girl…you need to do
something about it. You're personal life is in dire need of a fix."

"What girl are you talking about?"

"The one who broke your heart before you left the farm."

"Derek, there was no girl." Clark said, desperately hoping his friend
would take the hint and stop. Hoping he wouldn't glean the truth in
that statement.

"So the dude then. Who you fuck's not my business unless you're
looking to fuck me. Which I doubt you are. I'm not your type."

"Derek, stop." He was pleading now.

Clark did not want to think about Lex. He didn't want to remember the
way he'd put his heart on the line, only to have it shattered into a
million teeny tiny pieces.

*"I love you."*

* "You don't love me Clark. You love the idea of me. You're young yet
Clark. You don't understand love."*

* "I understand that I love you. I've never felt anything for anyone
the way I feel for you" *

* "Clark, you have you're whole life ahead of you. Go to college.
Enjoy your youth. Live your life. There's better for you out there."*

* "There isn't anyone better for me than you, Lex."*

* "Go. Just…go. I'll see you Thursday for deliveries."*

* "Lex, I- "*

*"Thursday. I will see you on Thursday. Go. Martha's probably waiting for you."*

Only Lex hadn't been there on Thursday when he made his deliveries.
And then he hadn't been there Friday when he swung by unannounced. He
was missing all weekend. When he dropped off the produce the next
Monday, the cook told him that "Mr. Luthor's working and doesn't want
to be disturbed."

He didn't see him again until graduation. Lex was in the back row. He
watched Clark walk, a sad sort of pride shining in his eyes, and then
was gone. Clark hadn't seen him since.

"Oh. Dude."

"What?"

"You should have seen your face just then, man. I thought you were
going to cry or something. Are you all right?"

"I'm fine." Clark lied smoothly. He'd learned the hard way how to lie
over the years in Smallville. Once his deceptions had been obvious but
they flowed from him like water off a duck's back now. Most of the
time.

"He did a number on you, huh?"

"There was no one." Clark said softly, looking down at his desk.

Derek laughed. "You are such a fucking liar."

Clark didn't argue with him. Too much energy. All of his alien
strength seemed to have been leached out of him by painful memories.
"He wouldn't want to see me."

"And now you're being a fucking pussy."

"No I'm not."

"You are, dude. You really, really are. I mean, you don't know. Two
years can change a lot of things. I'm not the immature prick I was in
high school and, well, I'm sure you're different than you were."

"Not really." Clark said with a shrug. He was still a looser. A dork.
Now he just had the good GPA to prove it. He helped where and when he
could, same as in Smallville. But after awhile (at his dad's
insistence that he simply *could not* help everyone and stay sane or
get an education) he'd learned to block out sounds from things outside
the boundaries of his room if he needed do something like, say, sleep.

Derek didn't know what he was thinking. He didn't even notice Clark's
additional pensiveness. He just continued on his train of thought
"Then maybe he's changed, you know? Maybe he's ready for what you have
to offer. You could have scared him before, dude. With the gay thing.
"

Clark doubted very seriously that the gay thing was the issue. He'd
done his research. Lex had been with men before Smallville and reading
the tabloids, he'd been with them after leaving the town as well. The
him being Clark was the issue apparently.

"He doesn't want me," He said, trying valiantly to keep the dejection
out of his voice.  So let's drop it so I can finish this article and
turn it in before the deadline."

"Fuck man, give him something."

Clark just shook his head.

"It works with Maggie man. Always. If I fuck up, or hurt her, or am
trying to make shit right, I give her something."

"Like what?"

"I don't know. What would this guy want."

"Nothing," Clark said. "Don't worry about me. I'll be fine." He shook
his head because he knew. He knew *exactly* what Lex would want. The
ultimate offering of love. If he wanted to try, wanted to risk his
heart again, he could give Lex the absolute truth.

Clark wasn't sure he was brave enough. In fact, he was nearly positive
that he wasn't.

~*~*~

Lex was in Smallville for Christmas. He was so gorgeous, on the
street, unlocking his car (small, fast, black, and clearly expensive)
that Clark nearly walked into a wall.

It was pure chance. *Destiny* as Lex would have said many years ago.
Fate come to bitchslap its favorite alien boytoy.

He seemed to be everywhere during the break. Downtown at the bank when
Clark was running an errand for his dad. In the Talon when Clark
stopped by to say hello to Lana and get a coffee injection. He was
even at the grocery store. *Why* in god's name would Lex Luthor be at
a grocery store when he had several highly trained employees to
grocery shop for him was beyond Clark. More of fate's abuse.

All of it, every narrowly evaded encounter, seemed like a neon sign
saying "Go talk to him! Idiot!" But Clark Kent, faster than a speeding
bullet, impervious to heat and cold, college student of steel, was
afraid. His body was strong to be sure, but his heart was still
fractured in places. He couldn't bring himself risk another break.

~*~*~

It was the first time one of Martha Kent's pies had ever been used for
evil instead of good. He'd been sitting at the kitchen table, reading
the books for his next semester of classes, minding his own business
when his mother struck.

"This is for Lex. He turned down my invitation to Christmas dinner but
I think he could still use some holiday cheer."

Clark looked at the pie and sniffed. Twice. "Mincemeat?"  The pie,
containing three different kinds of meat chopped up and smothered in
liquor of some kind baked like any other pastery, was a time-honored
fare in his mother's family. Clark thought it was gross.

"Oh hush. It's traditional. I'm putting a chocolate pie in there too,
to balance it out." Martha said cheerfully. "Why don't you run this
over to him? In the truck, of course."

"Mom-"

"Thank you, Clark." Martha had said, not giving him time to complete
his protest. She put the keys to the truck and a basket that now
contained two pies in Clark's less than willing hands. "You're so
helpful."

That was how Clark ended up parked on the driveway of the mansion.

He just had to open the door and get out of the truck. It was that
simple. Just lift the door handle and slide out. Easy. Too bad he was
frozen in place.

Clark sat in the cab of the truck, weighing the pros and cons for
close to an hour before he was interrupted by a voice.

"Hello Clark."

"HOLY SHIT!" Clark nearly jumped out of his skin at the sound of Lex's
voice. He hadn't even heard him walk up to the truck, so distracted by
his thoughts.

"Easy there. You've been sitting there for over an hour Clark. Were
you going to come inside? It's freezing out here and you have the
windows down."

"How-" Clark stopped himself abruptly. Lex had security to the gills.
Of course he'd have surveillance cameras trained on him. "How have you
been Lex?"

"Busy. You?"

"The same. School's crazy."

Lex nodded. "Your mom told me you've got a 4.0 GPA. Congratulations."

"Thanks."

There was a moment of silence. God, this was awkward.

"Would you like to come? It's literally below freezing out here."

"Sure thing."

He followed Lex into the castle and was hurled backward in time. He
was suddenly fifteen again, enthralled by the grandeur of Lex's world,
enchanted by Lex himself. Young and naïve and blissfully unaware that
what he felt for the older man was love. He wanted to go back to when
they had been friends with a desperation that was so strong it stole
his breath.

"Lex?"

"Yes?" He turned and looked Clark directly in the eyes. He was
listening with his complete attention. Lex had a way of doing that
Clark had never seen in anyone else.

"I-" Clark swallowed. "My mom wanted you to have these." He said
coping out and holding out the pies. Derek was right. He was a fucking
pussy.

Lex smiled but it didn't go near his eyes. "Thank you for bringing
them. Tell your mother I appreaciate it." Gently he took the baked
goods from Clark, careful not to let their hands touch. Clark ached at
the distance.

Do it, a voice in his head hissed that sound oddly like a mix of Derek
and Chloe's. Just tell him.

He decided to listen to them this time. Lex?"

"Yes?" Lex looked very tired. He had rarely seen him look that exhausted.

"I still love you."

Lex looked stricken for a moment and then all emotion was gone from
his features. "Clark, don't do this."

"I have to do this Lex."

"No, you don't. You don't love me Clark."

"I do. More than anything in the world." He swallowed and laid it all
out there. "I've missed you every day for the past three years."

His face was still a stony mask but Clark could see pain behind his
eyes. More than just pain, he saw a want in Lex's eyes that gave him
enough hope to keep going.

"Every single day, I'd wake up and I'd think about you. Where were
you? What were you doing? What were you wearing? Had you smiled today?
Had you lost your cool? Did Lionel bother you again? Were you happy?
Were you healthy? Were you loved?"

Lex held out his hands in a gesture of placation."Clark, you're being
irrational."

"No kidding Lex. Who ever said that this had to make sense? It
doesn't. But I love you, Lex. And I trust you. With all of me."

Lex had stopped breathing. Literally. Clark could hear him holding his breath.

"Clark?" There was something in Lex's voice that Clark had never
really heard before. Hope.

"I'm not human. I never have been. I'm an alien. That's why I'm fast,
and strong, and can always save the day when I have to." He shrugged
and held his arms out at his sides, like offering an open shot. "Use
that how you want Lex. I give it to you. I give you me."

He moved slowly across the floor of the entrance hall until he was
standing in front of Lex. The bald man stood transfixed, wide blue
eyes locked on Clark's face, his face unreadable.

"Push me away, Lex." He whispered, slowly reaching a hand out to touch
Lex's face. "Push me away again, and I promise I'll never come back.
But you have to stop me now."

Who's the pussy now? The thought slid through his subconscious has he
lowered his face to Lex's.

There was no sound in the vast house but their breathing. Until Lex
let out a small "God," before reaching up with a smooth hand to pulled
Clark's head down into a fierce kiss.

It felt so good, so right that Clark almost wept. So, he thought as
before his mind whited out from the sheer bliss of holding and kissing
Lex, this was what heaven felt like.

End