All right. There was this lovely challenge on ASCEM a while back (challenges are still in effect but not this particular one) called the Bad Title Challenge. It inspired me more than anything has done in a very, very long time. So ... I feel like writing more K/S, and my ideas are kinda running low right now, not my wish to write. I just don't really know what to write.

So ... would anyone else be game in trying to come up with *really bad* K/S, TOS and/or TREK related titles to write stories for?

I'd be happy to collect them all on a page, and if you write stories for them (drabbles, vignettes, filks, long stories, short stories, poetry or whatever), I wouldn't mind collecting and archiving those as well.

Anyone game? My apologies for the sheer tackiness of some of these ... They could just as well be titles to really bad porn flicks.

Deadline - none. Just send the story to me (kira at kardasi dot com) IF you want it archived here... Same thing if you have some really Bad Titles to share ...

Kira & Fekl'hr Bad Titles

1) Brainspocking
2) Gorn in the USA
3) Where No Man Has Come and Gone Before
4) Sleepless on Mt. Seleya
5) Spock's Brain & Other Body Parts.
    Vanasati's story
6) Operation! - Penetrate.
7) Operation! - Masturbate.
8) Gone With the Gol
9) Four Pon Farrs and a Tribble
10) Living Next Door to Nurse Chapel
11) My Best Friend's Koon-ut-kali-fee
12) Captain Kirk and the First Officer's Stones
13) Man, I feel Like A Vulcan (In Pon Farr)
14) You're My Heart, You're My Katra

Farfalla's Bad Titles

1) Spocksucker
2) Koon-ut-kali-faygele
('faygele', pronounced FAYgullah, is slang for a gay man in Yiddish. Literally, it means little bird.)
3) Pointed Ears and Annointed Rears
4) The Phantom of the Spockra
5) Star Wars Trek: Attack of the Bones

Hypatia's Bad Titles

1) Too Many Cherry Tarts: The James T. Kirk Story
2) Wild Flowers of Passion
3) Vulcan Healthcare Outreach Initiative: New Horizons in Resident
4) Outworlder Care
5) Verdant Lusts
6) Men Who Love Vulcans Who Love To Meditate--All Day Long!
7) Tears and Concupiscence
8) Hometown Hero Nabs Vulcan Beau
9) Heaving Bosoms
10) Spock of Vulcania
11) Recherches de Temps Quand J'ai Nique Ce Beau Type Vulcain ("Remembrances of the time I screwed that handsome Vulcan guy.")
12) Spockra versus Mothra

More Bad Titles From Kira

1) Pon Farr For Dummies
2) Climbing KY
3) Put A Spock In It!
4) Masturbation Meditation
5) Fire Pots & Pot Fires
6) Star Trek - The Devotion Picture
7) The Gorn Birds
8) Sticks & Stonns Won't Break My Bones
9) Pricks Like Stonn Won't Break My Boner
10) The Ghost of Ponn Farr's Past.
11) Lord of the (Bed) Springs - Return of the Vulcan.
12) A Spock Worth Writing Home About
13) Spaghetti Kohlinaru
14) Dream A Little Dream Of Kirk & Spock
15) Error, Error
16) Who Yearns For Captain Kirk?
17) The Pon Farr Incident
18) The Masturbite Maneuver
19) Spock Seed
20) A Taste of Aphrodisiac
21) For Captain Kirk is Hard And I Have Touched His Fly

K'Sal's Bad Titles

1) Full Thrust
2) The Best Friend I Ever Blew
3) The Kirk Tease
4) Because He's MINE!
5) A Babe Too Far
6) Human See, Vulcan Do
7) The Doctor's Story
8) Two Men And A Lovelorn Nurse
9) Diplomats, Danger And Dicks
10) Spocks And Cocks (an MU story, of course)
11) Cock Of The Spock
12) Lust In The Spacedust
13) Quirting the Kirk
14) My Purely Platonic Passion
15) A Flamboyant Fraternal Friendship

The Fekl'hr & Kira
(some of these are tweaked TNG & DS9 titles)

1) Almost Vulcan
2) The Pleasure of a Man
3) The Masturbation Society
4) Captain Kirk's Diary
5) The Starship Raider and the Cradle of Lust
6) Commander Spock and the Chamber of Secretions
7) Captain Kirk, the Gorn Slayer
8) When the Spock Stole Christmas
9) Thrust in Spock I Do.
10) Penetrating Space
11) Live Long and Perspire
12) Captain Kirk and the Vulcan Robe
13) One Flew Over the Cock's Nest.
14) The EVE Alert! (Extremely Visible Erections for those who don't know)
15) Better Hung than Dry

Anonymous Person's Bad Titles

1) Stripping in Memphis
2) Divine Secrets of the T'hy'la Brotherhood
3) Explain the Stain
4) Turbolift Tango
5) Sliding Through the Jefferies Tubes
6) Attack of the Vulcan Clones
7) The Lusty Vulcan on the Edge of the Bed
8) A Vulcan STD (I'm assumign that means Sexually Transmitted Diseas)
9) The Green Giant
10) Stain of Command
11) The Pornography Syndrome

T'Guess's Bad Titles

1) I, Butt Plug
2) Who Mourns For Myanus
3) Dagger of the Behind
4) The Ultimate Colonic
5) The Trouble With Sphincters
6) A Taste of Analingus
7) The Enema Incident
8) Charlie X-rated
9) The Alternative Finger

Even More Bad Titles From Kira
(Yeah, I know. I need to get a life...)

1) Under the Warp Core
2) Captain's Fetish
3) Body Meld
4) The Orgasmians
5) The Erogenous Zone
6) The Enterprise and the Giant Space Dildo
7) Lady T'Pring and the Return of the Thing
8) The Fellatio of T'Pring
9) T'Pring and the Two Cowards
10) A Piece of the Package
11) Cry Amok and Let Loose the Vulcan Whore!
      Cait N's Drabble
12) Bed Alert!
13) The Tantalize Device
14) The Kirka Sutra

More Bad Titles From Fekl'hr

1) City on the Edge of ... Whatever.
2) The Silent Release
3) Looking for Logic in All the Wrong Places

Odon's Bad Titles

1) My Blue Seven.
2) Seven Can('t) Wait.
3) Seven is a Dish Best Tasted Cold.
4) Love Bytes and Nanoprobes.
5) The Iceborg Cometh.
6) The Iceborg Cometh Again (and again and again...)
7) My Cunt Runneth Over.
8) B'Elanna Torres and the Terror of Technobabble.
9) The Delta Flirter.
10) The Cars That Ate Tom Paris.
11) Plan Seven of Nine From Outer Space.
12) The Trouble With Turbolifts.

AmberDragon's Bad Titles

1) The Mammarian Candidate
2) 1001 Holodeck Nights
3) A Starship Named Desire
4) The Dilithium Falcon
5) Kill Kathryn! (vol. I and II)
6) Sleepless in Sickbay
7) Leola Root Stew For the Soul
8) Captain Strangelove, or How I Stopped Worrying and Learned to Love the Borg
9) Here There Be Klingons
10) The Blue Catsuit Diaries

Michael Bater's Bad Titles

1) The Lives and Loves of a Borg Drone
2) Passion and Assimilation, a story by Ralst
3) Raiders of the Lost Cube
5) Mammaries
6) The Mammaries Return
7) My Beautiful Lanna
8) My Pussy, and Other Areas
9) The Coffee Syndrome
10) Astrometrical Bodies
11) 1984, by Borg Orwell

Bad Titles from Slasherfem

1) Porthos' Complaint
2) Between Arachnia and a Hard Piece
3) The Wrath of Cunt: Christine's Revenge
4) He's Spread, Jim!
5) Voyager to the Bottom of the "C"

Many More Bad Titles from Odon

1) The 69'ers.
2) All Good Pricks Must Come in the End
3) All Good Things Must Come to a Head
4) Badda-Thought, Bigga-Bang
5) Perils of Thought
6) Barge of the Braindead
7) The Best of Both Girls
8) Head and Circuses
9) The Loud Minders
10) The Orgies of Command
11) Random Farts
12) Extreme Pleasures
13) A Fistful of Data's Dick
14) Amok Mine
15) Amok Mind
16) Tuvok Time
17) Whore of the Worlds
18) "The Forever Whore" by Joe Haldeman.
19) Lame of Mind
20) Future's Rear End
21) Holo Pursuits
22) The Thrilling Game
23) Lewd as a Whisper
24) The Mark of Giddiness
25) Prime Fuckers
26) Between a Cock and a Hard Place
27) (DS9) Cocks and Molls
28) Fools of Engagement
29) Shades of Gay
30) Ship in a Brothel
31) Space Breed
32) Face Seed
33) Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Cunt
34) State of Phlox
35) Strange Bedfellows (why change a good title?)
36) We'll Always Have Tom Paris
37) The Naked Mine
38) Star Whores: A New Dope
39) Farce Contact
40) Patterns of Farce
41) The Naked Spine
42) The Anime Within
43) Catsclaw
44) The Deadly Ears
45) A Piece of the Ass
46) A Private Little Whore
47) (ENT m/T'pol title) Men are from Earth, Women are from Vulcan.
48) Worf in the Fold
49) The World is Hollow Now I Have Touched Your Fly
50) The Borg Identity
51) (and its sequel, `The Borg Supremacy')
52) Captain Sisko and the Orb of Ecstasy
53) Captain Sisko and the Orbs Packed With Semen
54) Captain Janeway and the Panties of Evil
55) (VOY Doc) Close Encounters with a Photonic Cannon
56) (VOY Doc) Care and Maintenance of an Additional Sexual Subroutine

Bashir as secret agent titles (by Odon)
57) Thunderballs. 
58) Goldenass. 
59) The Man With the Golden Buns.
60) The Man With the Golden Cum. 
61) The Girls Are Not Enough. 
62) Doctor (Can't Say) No. 
63) You Only Cum Twice. 
64) From Risa with Love. 
65) For Your Ass Only. 
66) Clitfinger. 
67) License to Thrill.
68) Octopussy  (can Julian satisfy a beautiful multi-limbed alien with eight vaginas?)