Author: kira-nerys
Title: It’s Not My Fault!
Rating: PG
Pairing: G/B, Quark, Odo, Kira
Series: DS9
Summary: When someone tries to find someone else to blame.
Note: For Stephen’s Mea Culpa Challenge.
Feedback: kira at kardasi dot com.

It’s Not My Fault!

“It isn’t my fault, Odo!” Quark whined. “I served him exactly what he wanted.”

“But you should know what the patrons should and should not drink. Everyone knows what effect Risean Bubbly has on humans!”

“I didn’t,” Quark insisted and glared at Dr. Bashir, still sitting at a table in his bar. The doors to the bar were closed, but customers stood gathered outside, peering curiously into the bar.

“Get rid of all that people!” Odo barked at his guards. “This is not for them to see. The doctor of the station needs his privacy.”

“Seems to me he’s decided he doesn’t,” Quark snarked and shot another glance at Bashir. He was again trying to remove his uniform, while Leeta stood behind him trying to keep his clothes on.

“Oh, Leeta,” Bashir crooned. “Help me get rid of these clothes, I’ll show you what a stud I can be.”

“Disgusting!” hissed Odo. “Humans and the pleasures of the flesh. Spare me!”

“What’s going on in here?” Major Kira’s voice cut through Odo’s disgruntled mutterings. Odo blushed, something Quark hadn’t known the constable was capable of. “Disgusting indeed,” he whispered to the shape shifter with a knowing look.

“Shut up, Quark! Major. Our resident ... Ferengi ... here has served Dr. Bashir Risean Bubbly.”

Kira’s eyes turned big as saucers. “Oh no. Oh, what are we going to do?”

“Allow me to be of assistance,” a deep voice interrupted. Quark turned around and met Garak’s gaze. “Oh no, you don’t!” said Quark, suddenly a little uneasy. Giving Bashir Risean Bubbly had just been for fun. Putting him in the care of Elim Garak, former spy of the Obsidian Order was another thing entirely.

“Garak. Oh, Garak, undress me!” whined Bashir, and Quark blinked. Suddenly the young doctor was draped over Garak like a cheap suit.

“Hush, Julian,” murmured Garak. ”This wasn’t the way we had planned on revealing our relationship, now was it?”

“I don’t care. Just get these clothes *off* me!” Bashir insisted and started pulling at his zipper again.

“Pardon us,” Garak said, pulling the young doctor along, trying to make him keep his clothing on and still move them toward his shop and his quarters without arousing too much attention. Quite a daunting and fruitless task, Quark decided.

Garak and Bashir left the rest of them standing with their mouths open. Then everyone turned toward Quark again. He threw his hands up in the air.

“It wasn’t my fault!” he repeated. “Now get out of here. I have customers waiting.”

Then he scurried off to the door, unlocking them, trying to wash his brain of images of Garak and Dr. Bashir having ... sex.

Quark turned to the bar, taking a hefty swallow from a root beer. That at least got rid of the bad taste in his mouth.

END